Where chaos stops and more chaos ensues. Where Filia plays the electric keyboard.
Where anything goes.
-//o_O\\7 *Home of the Awful, Mediocre and Pathetic* -//u_u\\7
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Where chaos stops and more chaos ensues. Where Filia plays the electric keyboard. Where anything goes. -//o_O\\7 *Home of the Awful, Mediocre and Pathetic* -//u_u\\7 |
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Monday, February 02, 2004 If you are a FF freak, like yours truly (to some extent), take a look at this if you haven't already. http://www.ffcompendium.com/misc/boco.swf See if you can name all the characters there. It shouldn't be too difficult ... ahem. And, if you can't name half of them, let this serve as a reminder that the first installment of Final Fantasy is not the seventh one! That's so you know what you're missing. Or alternately, it could be interpreted as an oblique stab at all the hype about the genre. But since the guy who created it put so much effort in to draw all the characters (and draw them well!) I guess he must like FF, then. Well, anyway, it's been six paragraphs of stories, so I shall take a break and rant more about FF. Haha! I shall continue my inane attempt to rationalise and rank FF, just like Mr. Purvis always says Singaporean people have an insuppresible compunction to. I think this time, I shall look at the anti-characters, or rather, the evil villains that cause so much trouble to the protagonists we all know and love. Once again, all opinions are my own, so if you disagree, go get stuffed ... er ... I mean, that is all right with me. Best Boss : "In this case, I'm referring to the bosses you encounter which aren't the main characters of the story, yet make your game so much more enjoyable by attempting to off your characters at every turn. Since this ranking is based on irrationality, it doesn't measure how powerful or difficult a boss is (since that varies, depending on what tactics you use) but basically how much I like them. More often than not, they are recurring bosses since ... well ... you need to meet them several times to like them. And, hey, I decided to add the description up here rather than throw it in the FF about which I have the least comments." 6. FFIV : Cecil the Dark Knight "Well, actually, this ranking isn't fair for FFIV (since the notion of recurrable bosses began with the success of Gilgamesh in FFV) since there isn't a real recurring boss, so I'll just mention the most meaningful fight. Of course, that has to be Cecil defeating his dark past ... by witholding the bloodthirsty instincts in him and not fighting. Hmm, but my little sister managed to defeat Evil Cecil by whacking him to death, apparently (so much for self-discipline =). Special credit must also go to the Four Fiends of the Elements Milon Z, Kainazzo, Valvalis, and Rubicant who is probably being beaten up by the other fiends for having such an overblown sense of self-confidence that he healed the heroes before fighting them, thus ensuring his and his comrades' defeat." 5. FFVII : Jenova Birth/Life/Death/Synthesis "Let me get this straight, Jenova is not a very difficult boss but I utterly detest her. The only reason why she isn't worse off than FFIV is because she has a good storyline accompanying her, unlike many other recurring bosses. Well, I dislike her because ... hey, is this the 'calamity from the sky'? Then why aren't our heroes dust (for those who say Sephiroth wanted Cloud alive, why did he send Jenova after him in the first place?)? Basically, Jenova's storyline is believable, but her status as a boss can't live up to it. She doesn't say anything, she isn't funny, she ruined a whole lot of Cetras and human's lives while being put down by three weatherbeaten heroes, and she ruined my enjoyment of Aeris' theme song (more on that next week). Don't like her." 4. FFIX : Beatrix "Hey! Beatrix is the ultimate paladin, or more accurately a deadly fighter with powerful white magic ... which is something you wish Cecil was because he's mediocre in both. The only problem is that she is on the other side for half the game. Shock, Climhazzard and Stock Break will utterly decimate your party, or the enemies', later, and she can fix any problems with Cura and Esuna. She has character development, which is interesting when it happens to a NPC. Plus, the sub-plot with Steiner is one of the most amusing in this overall extremely amusing game. The only problem would be explaining her absence for most of the other half of the game. Vast potential (both a positive and negative comment)." 3. FFVI : Ultros "'I ... I'm just a stupid octopus!' Talk about self-discovery. Doesn't he look in a mirror? Anyway, this funny purple octopus will be your main adversary for most of the World of Balance (four fights, compared to Kefka's three) and the funniest thing of all is that he isn't working for the Empire or Kefka, but just making a nuisance of himself for the heck of it. Not a very powerful enemy later on being weak to both fire and lightning, he suffers the ultimate punishment of becoming a mere receptionist in the World of Ruin while his 'sidekick' Chupon becomes not just the most popular gladiator at the Colosseum but also a cameo as a summon in FFVII. He's so annoying, it's fun to fight him!" 2. FFVIII : Seifer Almasy "You 'control' him for the Dollet battles (he walks around by himself ...) and after that, he becomes your enemy three times! He is the ultimate good (well, chaotic neutral, at least) to evil character in FF so far, which is outstanding considering that the evil-to-good characters vastly outnumber their counterparts. You know how tough he is when you control him - his gunblade is harder to trigger than Squall's. He has a really bad attitude. And he has a posse of friends who follow him in evil (in a way) deeds but are desperately trying to pull him to the side of sensibility, failing miserably. You just know that puberty boy, chicken-wuss and 'oh ... Instructor Trepe' are no match for this guy fuelled by hatred, misery, alienation and all negative emotion known to FF-kind. He's not laughable in battle, yet some of his scathing quips in dialogue are worth quoting. And only time compression sends him back to reason. The most evil boss of all!" 1. FFV : Gilgamesh "For those people who've played only FFVII and later and keep wondering about the hype about a funny four-armed man named Gilgamesh, by not playing FFV you've undoubtedly missed out on the most enjoyable boss that spawned numerous cameo appearances (like Sephiroth, Cloud and Aeris do, heck, you can understand that, right?). You don't see him for the first third of the game, but after that you meet him a total of six times! Wha ... even ExDeath and Kefka are only encountered four times. He has that annoying talk-big attitude and extreme hastiness on his feet when he realises he's overstretched himself, something that Square tried to replicate less successfully in Ultros. The fact that he keeps running away only makes you want (or long) to hurt him even more. He meets his downfall in a most hilarious way as well, and after a bit of pondering he switches loyalties and helps out the heroes in a most unexpected fashion. He's such a fantastic boss as ExDeath's sidekick, that he even has his own sidekick (which enjoys running away even more than he does). His theme music is arguably the best song in the whole of FFV, which happens to have great music as a whole. Gilgamesh's story even explains, to an extent, how it is possible for him to appear in FFVIII and IX. And, while he's around, he makes Butz and friends' lives miserable. A combination of all the best attributes that make a powerful, exciting and entertaining boss." Best Final Boss : "I guess this ranking should be separate from 'Best Antagonist', because in many FFs the last boss you fight isn't actually the one that has been harassing you for most of the game. In fact, some (grumble) don't even appear until the end. Therefore, the final boss' significance to the game as a whole, rather than deadliness or difficulty, matter most here." 6. FFIX : Necron "Who? Kuja, Garland, and who? Heck, there were more references to Ozma and Hades than this absurd fellow. Plus, he's not very challenging despite having a planet-smashing attack like Sephiroth and Ultimecia. I honestly didn't know, and later, didn't think he was the final boss. Shades of Zeromus, Ultimecia, and ... Yoda? This guy, and the storyline in general, are what pulls FFIX all the way down. He has neither original lines nor original abilities." 5. FFIV : Zeromus "Again ... who? You mean Golbez isn't the bad guy? What a pity, since Golbez is immensely more profound and astounding in his big helmet and cape, and was the inspiration for one of the greatest villains in ExDeath. But at least he has a dungeon to call his own, unlike Necron who perhaps was simply there for people who didn't have fun enough beating up Trance Kuja. He's probably the ugliest final boss of all, however, and the fact that Cecil is quite a great hero adds to the satisfaction from killing him, the final villain. Only good with the assistance of the other aspects of FFIV." 4. FFVIII : Ultimecia "Not much better than either of the above ... but at least she looks and acts and fights (and talks) like a final boss. She also constitutes the most difficult (yet beatable, as final bosses should be) final boss among the lot, since you have to fight her and her pet Griever five times in a row without a chance to save. She also has a grand psychotic scheme to rule the world, time compression which actually does happen, which the previous bosses don't. She even has a bonus drawable spell, Apocalypse, which you cannot see until the end of the game. Disappointing the way she was thrown into the game, but I guess the fight lives up to it." 3. FFV : Neo ExDeath "As one would say, a gulf between. ExDeath, Kefka and Sephiroth are up there together as the most evil and nasty and hence, best villains Square has come up with. The evillest tree in the world transforms into a monstrous, contorted freak which attacks you from four parts, the culmination of the powers of evil and the void. And, if his ultimate attack Almagest was animated, it would probably be a planet-smasher along the lines of Super Nova, Great Attractor and Grand Cross. The only flaw in this superb villain is that he really isn't very conversational. Well, in real life that would be a strength, anyway." 2. FFVI : Kefka "Argh! The funniest villain in the game finally gets his chance to show that he's not so funny after all. As the Angel of Death (and Sephiroth's inspiration) he builds his tower upon a heap of tortured souls, which our heroes must battle to reach him and defeat him at its top. Kefka is the main inspiration for many of the final boss attacks which inflict our characters in later FFs such as Fallen Angel and Flare Star. Like Ultimecia, he also eats up your characters if they die and you get a gruesome scene at the end if he managed to off any of them. The most scary, fearsome and abhorrent thing about him is ... after entertaining you in his silly flourescent cloak and funny feather, he bares it all. Eek. Kefka shirtless ... *pukes*" 1. FFVII : Safer Sephiroth "As you might guess, one of the most deranged, psychotic, insane and homicidial freaks of all makes what is probably the best final boss. Safer Sephiroth is both an allegorical and a graphical masterpiece which, despite not being original, manages to outdo his predecessor Kefka. All of Safer's attacks practically define what abilities a final boss should have, a lucky weak physical (One-winged Angel or Pale Horse), an evasion manouevre (Ascend/Descend), a damage dealer (Deen), a life reducer (Fallen Angel), a single killer (Shadow Flare), and a status attack (Super Nova). Square reached their peak of boss-making with Sephiroth, and the puzzle of battling the parts of Bizzaro Sephiroth is quite a challenge as well, while horribly maiming him during the ending is one of the most satisfying moments in all RPG history. The only problem would be ... that Square put the most unbalanced attack ever in FFVII, Knights of the Round. Do homage to the absolute best boss you will encounter in the game and don't use it on him, and you'll see what a challenge he is." Best Antagonistic Archetype : "This is just an examination and evaluation of each of the main antagonists in each game. They aren't necessarily the final bosses (half of the time, they aren't ...), but are basically the evil counterparts of our good and honourable heroes and, like them, have goals, motivations, character development and even homes. Well, hopefully." 6. FFVIII : Edea, Adel, Ultimecia ... all sorceress-kind, generally Motive : World Domination! Reasons : Dunno. Sheer sadistic pleasure, I guess. Modus Operandi : Take over powerful nations and utilise the army. Sounds more like insane dictators. Home : Castle Ultimecia Evil Laugh : Hahahahaha... True Form : Crazy old hag Question : Is that stupid accent what is popular in the future? "Right ... we all know SeeD was created to fight the sorceress. Question is, which one? Is this some sadistic genocide against sorceresses or something? Is there something naturally corrupting in sorceress-kind? If everyone (thanks to good doctor Odine, ya?) knows how sorceresses work, why don't they do something to get rid of them? Basically, FFVIII has no main antagonist, because Square wanted to focus the players' attention on the story of Squall and Rinoa. Now that's one sorceress that they should have put to the pyre long ago. As your awareness of the 'powers that be' in the game grows, you wonder why Odine, Ellone and Rinoa didn't band up earlier to just purge sorceresses from time. Ultimecia does have the best final dungeon for any villain, though. It is kool. Oops." 5. FFIV : Golbez son of Kluya Motive : Release the evil! Reasons : None. He was under mind-control. Modus Operandi : Take over the powerful nations and utilise the army. At least Golbez looks like an insane dictator. Home : Tower of Bab-il Evil Laugh : Heh. True Form : Lunarian Question : What was he before he got controlled? "A Star Wars fan would say Golbez was ripped off from Star Wars, as the mind-controlled super warrior, but then again Square ripped off many other things as well like Biggs and Wedge and more. Golbez was the starting block for constructing evil villains, giving ExDeath his look and his music, and only falls here because it didn't come to Square to make someone as deadly as him the sincerely evil bad guy. He isn't too powerful in battle, however, since you only fight him twice where he got knocked out by Tellah and Rydia respectively, and in the end he's revealed to be, well, generally a nice guy who acknowledged Cecil before the normally respectful and humble hero would. Not the most exciting villain, but he was grand while he lasted." 4. FFIX : Kuja ... Tribal, I guess Motive : World Domination! Then, it becomes World Destruction! Reasons : He can't live with his weaknesses and his mortality. Talk about an inferiority complex. Modus Operandi : Take over powerful nations, then takes over powerful eidolons, then takes over himself. Home : Terra, or the Invincible, or the Core of Existence Evil Laugh : Too many to mention. Basically, all famous laughs in the history of FF. True Form : Psychotic monkey Question : What happened to him in the end? "Oh, poor Kuja. Son of Sephiroth, powers of Ultimecia, attitude of Kefka, and more pathetic than any of them. I think Square thought they got the 'evil villain' formula right, and put it together to get Kuja. Instead, we get a psychotic, poetry-reciting, baby-faced and immature moron who deserves the title of s/he more than Quina. But we can't blame them for trying ... it is the culmination of the formula after all. Plus, Kuja deserves a bit of recognition because he does, when you think about it, behave like a human, something which the other villains are incapable of. And the fact that he is the next male FF sex symbol after Sephiroth doesn't hurt either." 3. FFV : ExDeath Motive : World Destruction! Reasons : 500 years ago, they didn't let him control the world, so he settled for destroying it. Modus Operandi : Mind-control unsuspecting passers-by. Then, he gets his own army. Finally, he utilises the powers of the Void, Enuo (what?). Home : Great Forest of Mua, big castle, and later, the Cleft of Dimension. Evil Laugh : Bwahaha! True Form : Evil tree (what?!) Question : Um ... evil tree? "Once again, a gulf (Cleft? Void?) between 4 and 3, though slightly narrower this time. Anyway, Square really outdid themselves with the 'original villain' thing by making ExDeath ... an evil tree? Ahh ... Firaga! ExDeath is the new and improved version of Golbez who is now well and truly evil, and proves it by sucking random helpless towns into the X-Zone. His penultimate form is also the ugliest ... penultimate boss, more zero, more bizzare, more grieving, more tranced than anything else. He also has the best evil villain music of all. He even has a sidekick! Isn't it strange how FF villains don't have sidekicks (Kain and Zorn and Thorn don't really fit the bill, since they have multiple loyalties)? The only problem is that you don't see as much of him as the next two villains. But still ... evil ... tree?" 2. FFVII : Sephiroth ... Hojo, Jenova, or maybe Valentine, depending who you ask Motive : World Domination! Though World Destruction comes as a side effect ... Reasons : Superiority complex, and the possession of powers that live up to it. Modus Operandi : Masamune. Later on, Meteor. Home : Northern Crater Evil Laugh : Haha. True Form : Deranged homicidial bishounen Question : Who is his biological father? "In the minds of many who have never played anything before FFVII, the ultimate villain. That may not be altogether incorrect, since in my opinion he is the villain I most wanted to kill (and most enjoyed killing), and if that is the hallmark of a great villain so be it. Also, the best looking villain of all, by far ... the success of Sephiroth brought home the immense popularity of having a good looking villain (Zeromus ... Neo ExDeath ... shirtless Kefka ...). He has understandable (though not necessary valid) motivations and is also gifted with a tailor-made storyline, since the plot revolves around Cloud and him. Though he has a nasty habit of trying to kill Cloud's girlfriends. I just don't like (or dislike, depending on how you see it) him as much as Kefka because he's too hyped up about (looks aren't everything, you know), he's not very funny or even ironic, he's clincially insane and he talks far too much. In the words of Cloud, shut up! Though he has beautiful hair ... very beautiful ... (petrified)" 1. FFVI : Kefka Palazzo Motive : World Domination! Or World Destruction! Or simply making life miserable for everybody. Reasons : Greed. Sadism. Insanity. Nobody knows. Modus Operandi : The Empire, after General Leo out of the way. Later, the Light of Judgement. Home : Vector, then Kefka's Tower Evil Laugh : Uwee-hee-hee! True Form : Demented clown Question : Er, is he human? "To me, this guy defines evil. Evil is not controlling the world, or destroying the world, but the most childish of all behaviour, making a great nuisance of oneself and making anybody and everybody's life miserable in the process. He is also by far the funniest villain, in fact, he is the only really funny villain with his dialogue and his actions (eg "ooo ... how violent!"), while ExDeath simply talks really evil and Kuja tries to use irony and fails miserably. The 'self-help booklet' one-liner is a classic in all of FF. He is also the villain that spends the most time on dressing up, using more eyeshadow than Kuja and Steiner together, more face paint than Zorn and Thorn, and looks more crazy than Quina (sorry for the excessive reference, but FFIX is a game of absurdity after all). The feather doesn't hurt either (thinks Red XIII and Steiner). Basically Kefka and ExDeath are the two sides of the evil villain coin, ExDeath being seriously and dead-on evil, while Kefka is the humorous and playful yet ultimately still destructive one. Sephiroth is for the people who are after good looks. It's your choice, but since I find humour one of the most crucial aspects of FF as a whole I pick Kefka." Bonus Round! Most Ageless Character: "I was feeling stupid, so this a just a rant about the rather ridiculous ages of some of the characters in FF. I know Square wants to make their characters appealing and, later on with FMVs, attractive as well, but they could at least their their ages make sense ..." FFIV : Rydia "Well, that's because she falls into the Land of Summoned Monsters, where time passes many many times quicker than in real life. Alright, now I have rested or used a tent X times since Rydia got eaten by Leviathan. I form a party with Cecil, Rosa, Kain and Edge and go to the Land of Summon Monsters. Then, I rest X times. Shouldn't my characters age dramatically and eventually become older than Indra or something? It was just an excuse to throw a voluptuous maiden in the game for Edge to work his charms on. Um, well, I dislike Rydia, so there." FFV : Nobody "Hey, the ages of all the characters in FFV make sense! Unbelievable. Unfortunately, they are the weakest and least-developed characters of all the games. I would say Cara is a bit young, or Butz and and Lenna and Faris should be a bit older, but that's just griping. And Galuf ... heh heh! Yeah! *do the Galuf pose* Now gods, stand up for (old) bastards!" FFVI : Celes Chere "Celes is one of my favourite characters in FFVI, and she also has some of the best lines ('I'm not some love-starved twit!' 'I'm a general, not an opera floozy!') in a game of quotable Square-original quotes. The problem? She is so mature and so effective that she simply cannot be a teenager! Maybe Square made her a teenager so they could stick her in a swimsuit (Is there something wrong with 20-something people wearing swimsuits? Although I certainly don't encourage such dress styles at all!) and big white cape. Terra is na?ve enough to be one, however (and to wear a two-piece swimsuit ...). In my opinion Locke should be younger (his age is fine) than Celes, since he is so full of youthful endeavour while Celes has the wisdom and maturity of age. Not that anyone disses her, anyway." FFVII : Sephiroth, Cloud and Zack. Basically, anyone in SOLDIER. "Er, twenty-one years of age and ex-SOLDIER First Class? It must be pretty easy to advance in SOLDIER, or maybe being injected with Jenova cells does wonders for one's youth (explaining Sephiroth, Cloud and Zack's well-toned physique and Hojo's insuppressible desire to inject himself with Jenova cells ...). Then again, it's difficult to picture Cloud out of late teens or early twenties since he, and Aeris and Tifa whom he's between, don't seem wise enough to be much older. The other characters are great, though, since Barret, Red XIII and Cid add the wisdom, experience and @*#$%! of age to the party while Yuffie adds her sprightly and unexplainably erratic youth to the party. Vincent? Cait Sith? Nobody knows." FFVIII : Nobody, but ... "Basically, all of the characters in FFVIII have very compatible ages, and they act their age as well! It kind of reminds me of some high-school drama or cartoon, like maybe Archie Andrews and friends, and all the different facets of teenage life are played out in FFVIII. Pretend you went on an adventure with your friends in school ... wouldn't everyone be about the same age? Therefore, it's fairly realistic. Yet, I detest the plot of FFVIII. I wouldn't mind all the characters being of similar ages, however, if only the reason for all of them being the same age wasn't so pathetic ... storyline gripes." FFIX : Zidane Tribal "Oy! Then again, although he certainly behaves like it, it's impossible to make Zidane any younger because otherwise the game would have to be rated PG for pedophilia or something like that. Zidane is so immature, and he hits on girls like ... the average lower-secondary schoolboy who suddenly finds he can't live without them. At least Irvine, Edgar and Edge, the womanisers of previous games, pick up the ladies in style (or try to ... since none succeed) while Zidane is waving and catcalling at any other newly-adolescent girl. Zidane's just full of puppy love, which is why he ought to be younger than Garnet at least (he's less than a year older). In fact, he behaves like the male version of Eiko, so maybe he ought to be six or something (er ... too young to save the world!). The other ages are fine, though I must confess I didn't believe Freya was in her thirties. And, keeping in the theme of Shakespearean comedies (with numerous Shakespeare referenes in FFIX) I think that Vivi and Eiko should pair up. But now that would really be pushing the PG rating ..." posted by Charlotte | 3:58 pm
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Disclaimer : The Slayers and Filia Ul Copt and all images thereof are the property of Hajime Kanzaka and Rui Araizumi. I don't own any of them, although if I had a choice I would want Filia ... ~//n_n\\7 |
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