Where chaos stops and more chaos ensues. Where Filia plays the electric keyboard.
Where anything goes.
-//o_O\\7 *Home of the Awful, Mediocre and Pathetic* -//u_u\\7
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Where chaos stops and more chaos ensues. Where Filia plays the electric keyboard. Where anything goes. -//o_O\\7 *Home of the Awful, Mediocre and Pathetic* -//u_u\\7 |
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Saturday, May 22, 2004 There is really nothing to say ... posted by Charlotte | 4:04 pm (0) comments Friday, May 21, 2004 Yay! At last ... I finally completed my first 'chapter' ever since Blogger had its 'makeover'. If you do have a site that's running on blogger, my arduous difficulties and ordeals under the new design should need no explaining ... unless, of course, you actually like the new design, in which case I'm unlikely to find your opinion very valuable, for that matter. Some people complain about the font size, some people complain about the colour scheme, but what I absolutely loathed was the inability to display two posts, the one that you are typing, and one written previously, such that you are able to doublecheck and to cross-reference. And that makes it difficult to continue things between posts, even if the posts are few and far between like my writing ... What I do like, however, is the search function, where you may search for anything you have written previously, to look up some obscure word or phrase which you might have utilised rather recently. And while I haven't used this feature yet, I can expect myself to find it very helpful the next time I'm seeking to dig up ancient history ... or at least ensure that I don't contradict previous posts when writing my story. The recent post is much longer than usual, which largely arose out of my incompatibility with the scroll bar, and since I would usually rather write more than less that translates to a lengthening of posts but rest assured that the space is occupied by most valuable material. Ahem. Perhaps I should dub Part XI the particularly scandalous section, even more so than usual. Meanwhile, regarding daily life, I took my little sister out to watch Shrek 2, when I initially believed that it was to be released on Thursday. All movies are released on Thursday, aren't they? Or is this just to cash in on the raised weekend prices, seeing as to how it is bound to be a sellout on its first day? Nevertheless, I enjoyed the movie, but I shall not provide a movie review of any kind because I absolutely detest the things, ruining your experience of the movie before you even get to watch it (um, isn't that the point?) by contorting your impressions and your opinions, unlike my book reviews which deal with texts written ages ago, of which numerous reviews have already been published, and since I usually read the more familiar 'classics' an exposition of the intrigues of their plot and characters should not be totally new to anyone familiar with the world of literature. Anyway, go watch it if you liked the first movie ... despite other (horrible, abhorrent, distasteful) movie reviews which claim that you need to be familiar with popular culture to appreciate it, I, as the intellectual hermit, was still able to catch the vast majority of the allusions and parodies. And remember when I mentioned that flash movie of 'Final Fantasy A+' as providing an original take on the nature of Final Fantasy? There's a similar stroke of genius featured in this movie which most people won't be able to grasp until they're on the way home from the movie theatre, as I was. Go watch it. This post was typed in the time span of 10 minutes, at an average distance of 0.75m away from the computer monitor, without the use of my spectacles. It's amazing what a little bit of thought beforehand, and the freedom of callousness with regard to the use of your language, can do to your writing speed. But writing fiction is never that way. posted by Charlotte | 4:33 pm (0) comments Thursday, May 20, 2004 This has been a most amusing night. I have spent several hours doing none other than explaining to my little sister (who is in Primary 4) just why the dissolution of table salt, or more correctly solid sodium chloride in water (wot, hydrated hydrogen monoxide?) is an endothermic change. This rather pointless endeavour came out of forgetting, for a moment, why "the melting point of water falls when salt is added to it" in primary school terms, largely due to my being distant from science classes of any kind for more than two years, and consequently my desire for my little sister to understand so that she would not make the foolish mistake of simplifying the nature of changes in an endothermic change to the previous statement ... even though she would probably forget all I said the very next day ... or the next minute, for that matter. What I have learned from my fascination with, and brief flirtation with science, is that one should never accept the simple explanation for anything in life, lest one be proven ignorant and misguided later. And I am persistently forgetting that breaking bonds uses energy, forming bonds releases energy, largely because it defies logic when applied to anything greater than atomic proportions. "What's an electron?" - my beloved little sister. At least she knew what an atom was. posted by Charlotte | 4:38 pm (0) comments Wednesday, May 19, 2004 Wrote some more, but it still isn't complete yet. Please read as much of it as you can when you're free ... so that you have less to catch up on the next time you happen to have the opportunity to take another look. EDIT - "Reflections at the Eleventh Hour" The time is 11am, and there is a mild drizzle outside, accompanied by the occasional peal of distant thunder. Charlotte is lying on her bed, pensively reflecting on random thoughts and events of those that are close to her otherwise distant heart. Well, not right now, for I would have to get up from bed to type this ... but you understand what I mean. My favourite weather at my favourite time. A pair of ribbons dangles from the curtain rail, wafting in the breeze like twin tails, the tails of robes of angels waiting to claim me from my earthly repose. Their gentle twisting and twirling, like the soothing chaos of a baby's mobile, calms my body and entreats my mind to reflect. But seeing as to how angels' tails are, more often than not, found at their back, that should be a vivid illustration of where I shall be heading in the future. Charlotte, who has accomplished nothing. Charlotte, who creates nothing. Nothing worthwhile, nothing valuable, nothing significant in the scheme of things. Charlotte is not a ripple, fleeting and evanescent, Charlotte is the protozoan thrust into the crests and troughs of waves stirred by the motions of more advanced life-forms, not riding them like a competent diatom, but flailing helplessly, a pathetic prokaryote whose flagellae avail it nothing. Charlotte engenders nothing. She is the angel of nothingness ... or the devil of nothingness, as you please. But vacant nothingness is not a quality of Charlotte alone, no ... it is that something, wanted or otherwise, that all of you possess. Or, at least, everyone whom I know personally who has ever interacted verbally with me in their lives. You will fade, no matter how you may strive to prevent it. The significant difference in Charlotte is a trait, a facet more undetectable than merely recessive, the imbalance of Charlotte's soaring aspirations of achieving all that can be achieved in life, and her understanding of the immense difficulty of acquiring even the slightest fraction of it ... and her knowledge that, given the unlimited wants of humans, she will never be content owning even the entire volume of such desires. What tempts, intrigues, irks, unsettles Charlotte is the impossible. What can not and can never be achieved. For, if it could be achieved, Charlotte might have done her utmost to secure it, only to realise all too late that, in the long run, it has cooled her burning passions not a little. Charlotte wants the impossible. Ergo, Charlotte is a dreamer. And all a dreamer can ever do in life is dream, for she will never be content with anything she achieves in life, no matter how glorious or illustrious. And a dreamer is of no service to a world of the material and the tangible. But if I may not dream, then I may not live, for all is nothing to the angel of nothingness. Of course, to gain material success is always a boon, while to lose always a setback, but, setting eyes on the future, all I can see of such a materialistic attitude is unhappiness, discontent, and, more likely than not, conflict. But to live in a material world requires one to be realistic. If I were to die, I know, that I would never dream again. Charlotte must live realistically. But she is always somewhere else, dreaming. If I would live, I would be material, but if I must live, I must be ever dreaming. Call it the perils of enlightenment. The only way I can express these dreams, in the greatest tangibility possible in order to suit the material nature of this world, is to share them in my words, and presumably in print at that, for no one (and certainly not I) would wish to hear me babble endlessly about the inconsequential. My writing is the physical manifestation of my dreaming. If I were never to write, it would not mean that I could not dream, but it would all either well up in me like a swollen pustule within my throbbing skull, ready to burst forth with the senseless utterances of a deluded psychopath, and taking the remnants of my sensibility along with it, or I would forget to dream entirely and, finding myself never content at accomplishing any goal in life, would find the irrelevance of it all, and so shuffle off this mortal pack of cards, cutting it before it deals me another poor hand. And, with an eye on reality, writing is the sole way of making a living, however squalid, out of nothing more than the idle fascinations of an embattled mind. Love it, hate it, enjoy it or dismiss it, my writings, however transparent, are the sole fruits of my existence. It matters not whether others appreciate it, for as long as I dream I will write. And, for as long as I live, I will dream. (Author's note : In summary, I was merely elaborating how writing allows me to express my discontent at not, nor ever achieving anything in my life, and is, ironically, in itself an achievement of the dearest kind. Because I found that when I did not write (as has been the case of some days recently), I found myself growing more depressed ... even though I write about the most pointless and insensible kinds of things. I'm not passing a guarantee that I won't get any more depressed if I'm dismissed for what I write, it's just that looking forward, I'm able to accept without guilt how my dreaming is utterly pointless both for myself and the rest of the world, as long as I am allowed to continue with it. Is that merely an opiate? Only if you can vouch, on your own part, that you have never depended on any one to sustain you thus far ... and only if you have come to a happy, contented end. Which excludes all of you. If you read this, it's kind of you for understanding my thoughts. That it is raining at the eleventh hour is merely the most conducive environment under which I could write.) posted by Charlotte | 4:52 pm (0) comments Tuesday, May 18, 2004 Right, hmm, I have a better idea. Since all my 'updates' come in posts further down the page, and all I'm doing in this posts on top is blabbering, why not I 'advertise' the important updates so that you know where to look? Assuming you want to read what I write, of course ... and assuming that the top post isn't occupied by anything more important or significant. For example, I have just finished writing my book review of The Phantom of the Opera, so if you're interested, go ahead and read it. Well, that is applicable to both the original text, and my review of it. As for my online stories, keep scrolling down if you're interested because I usually write a few lines or paragraphs every day, and when the chapter is complete I'll end it off with some stupid quip about how your adventure ends, and a new header for the next chapter will spring up on top, ready to be gradually filled in day after day. So now you know how to look! Am I still asking too much? Of course you are. What a daft question. posted by Charlotte | 4:59 pm (0) comments Monday, May 17, 2004 Nothing new here, so scroll down for updated things. Come to think of it, I have never seen any blog, or for that matter any website which inserts "news" in any place other than the top of the text box, so I'm actually asking a lot out of people who read this (the little who do). But then again, given my unemployed status, I'm extremely prone to reading the same posts on websites (not just mine!) over and over again, and scrolling down to read old posts, so I'm hoping that you won't find my 'style' too much of an inconvenience, unless you're really in a rush for time, of course. Then again, if you're really in that much of a rush, whatever I write really isn't worth your precious time anyway. I'd say that if you're going to read anything, you should set aside time for it. Well ... *shudder* ... that holds true for at least anything which doesn't amend itself every other day ... *horrible nervous twitch of guilt*. posted by Charlotte | 4:28 pm (0) comments Sunday, May 16, 2004 (Bumped. -Ed.) - A Way with Words, Part XI - "So, just what," harangued Aei mercilessly as I reeled in agony, my face clutched in one hand as I stood pressed against the wall for support, "Just what, oh incredible, farsighted, omniscient, allmighty Princess Charlotte, are you going to do now, to get us out of this confounded mess you've just dragged us into?" "I was hoping you had a suggestion," I murmured as, wretched, I withered ever the more under Aei's relentless sarcasm and my own undying sense of self-accusation, where I took to blame myself more than proportionally for the mistake committed, if it happened to be a mistake committed entirely out of my own carelessness or ignorance. "Me? A suggestion? Well, most certainly I don't have one for you!" huffed Aei, a snide, grotesque leer upon her face like that of a gargoyle sent to further torment the already damned, "You said it yourself, that I was to be your guide and aide in finding your way home. And why is it that you never sought to ask for my opinion, or my advice, before jumping on this ... this hare-brained quest of his!" At that last jibe, I shot a glance at Pwyns Xjrmynq, seated on the wooden chair in the middle of the room. Watching me through his long fringe, as I was watching him through mine, his eyes expressed his curiosity and concern, but his courtly training, not to mention the odd scenario of being left alone in a prison cell with the object of his mission and a little girl, probably restrained him from intervening or saying more than he was welcome to. Which is to say, not for him to say anything at all. "... well, I wasn't judging its worthiness with that last statement. I mean, based on what you said, it sounds like quite a good cause, if a bit too ambitious, wanting to put an end to war and all that. That isn't important right now! It's a valiant and noble quest and all, but did you have to get us into trouble to help him? More importantly, did you have to get me into trouble! You hopelessly inconsiderate nutter!" "Aei, I'm trying to think of what to do next, so shut up," I muttered thoughtlessly in a bid to silence the child, who was breathing down my neck, burning away my integrity with nothing more than a searing stare, "How was I supposed to consult you in the middle of his speech, in front of those two guards? I know that it's all my fault, and you aren't being helpful by constantly reminding me of a fact I already subscribe to wholeheartedly. If you aren't going to help me think, then please, for the sake of both of us, keep quiet." "Charlotte, you are absolutely, totally and utterly hopeless!" Aei proclaimed with an infantile pout, in full defiance of the very simple and easily followed request I had demanded she fulfill. However, noting my flustered and troubled gaze in a flash of childlike precocity, she seemed to soften a little, upon which she withdrew with folded arms, simmering. "Just be grateful that I haven't left you alone to fend for yourself. After all, I'm partially responsible for you being in this position in the first place." "There isn't a need for you to say any more," I grumbled resentfully, unwilling to let the sour taste of her parting shot fester in my incubating thoughts, an unwillingness which, in spite of my restraint at being her elder, in front of a watching and listening stranger, as a supposed Princess, motivated me to counter with a similarly childish comment. "For that matter, if it wasn't for me, you wouldn't be here rubbing shoulders with royalty in the first place." Upon that snub, Aei darted me a glance, not with all the fury and anger of before, but with sly craftiness of that animal within, which hinted to me the return delivery of a taunt with such rapidity it was bound to shatter my hopes of concentrating on finding a solution to our problem. "You know, Charlotte, it's rare that I complement you on your appearance, but for the sake of illustrating a point, I'll make an exception," smirked Aei, a devious grin spreading across her otherwise innocent features, "You, darling, have a perfect body, or should I say, the perfect body for sneaking our way into fame, fortune, and the front page of the news papers. I, on the other hand, am the brains behind this whole organisation and the next time you make an important decision like that last one, you'll consult me before you do anything so that we can avoid getting into scrapes like the one we're in now!" "And, if Miss Brain has finished telling me how superior she is," I added, my face warped in a childish sneer as I continued in Aei's cynical tone, in the quest to prove myself on any battlefield, even a juvenile one, "The little capacity for intelligent thought Miss Body has would like to remind her to quit her boasting before someone overhears her and gives her a punishment like she wouldn't imagine. Now, neither of us would like that, would we?" "..." Aei rolled her eyes, sighing in exasperation as the look of amazement on Pwyns Xjrmynq's face was enough to inform me that the only person who had overheard our discourse did not understand a single word of it. Before glancing away, Aei glared at me over her shoulder and blew me a raspberry, to signal that the conversation was over. And now I could return to my thoughts in peace. Finally afforded that precious solace I so craved, I seized the opportunity to mull over the situation I had unexpectedly thrown myself into, and how I would free myself of it. Reclining against the frigid, stony walls, and sinking my face into my hands in an attempt to heighten the wafer-thin sense of isolation, I proceeded to ponder over the circumstances I was facing. I would be courteously ferried to a Palace in this distant land, where I would be brought before a King and a Queen in the guise of their daughter the Princess Uaeouue. I would be escorted only by a prince from a foreign country hostile to this one, who was bent on marrying the Princess (presumably, barring further illumination, yours truly) to achieve some honourable but idealistic end, and by a little girl whom, despite her dimunitive size and misleading countenance, bore all the insidious deceit and shrewdness of a whole family of organised criminals. Before the King and Queen, I would most likely be exposed as an impostor, and, if Aei's stark predictions bore truth, I would be executed in a most grisly and unpleasant fashion. All this without finding how I had come here, and how I would be returning home, even if it were to be in a casket! My analytical mind, knowing that there would be no one to turn it for me, whirred into action as I considered the possibilities, and their consequences. To do nothing and to let events carry themselves as I estimated would yield me, at the very least, utter disgrace. Owning up now would not necessarily achieve any more merciful a reprieve, especially after the sheer magnitude of that scene in the town circle, seeing as to how there were no safeguards which a proper court trial organised by the seat of government would prescribe. Furthermore, it would leave Aei in great dismay and disappointment at my capitulation, and facing a massive reprimand from her parents (not like she didn't deserve one, judging from her misbehaviour thus far), while Pwyns Xjrmynq, lost in a nation which lusted for the blood of his people, might face far more gruesome a fate than I would upon the loss of his backer. So, the likely course of action would not be to do nothing, which is to say, not to take any measures until the final outcome or to stop this charade before it is discovered and thus, in other words, to do nothing more. It probably would have taken a whole laboratory full of research scientists ... or Aei's assistance ... to formulate the ideal plan of escape. My mind was flooded with the products of my brainstorming, suggestions and solutions which were so far-fetched or inadvisable that I rejected them almost as quickly as they entered my thoughts. For example, taking up arms against the sea of troubles was too dangerous. A desperate flight into a foreign land was treacherous. Finding the missing Princess and matchmaking a fairytale marriage was daydreaming. To commit suicide before my life was dishonourably ended for me was, as I told Pwyns Xjrmynq earlier, the height of stupidity. But there was still more, more thoughts, more possibilities! In angst, I gripped my forehead tightly, almost clawing it in an attempt to relieve the intense pressure of balancing my uncontrollably accelerating imagination. What, just what if Pwyns Xjrmynq was in truth a con artist more convincing than even the recently rediscovered Princess Uaeouue? His expressions seemed too realistic to be disbelieved, and it is exceedingly difficult to feign an utter ignorance of a language of one's comprehension, but the possibilities were there. My life, or, worse, Aei's, might be in the hands of a madman and even more terrible would be that the man was a spy sent to infiltrate Va World and possibly spark another deadly war. Even Aei, my faithful companion, was not beyond doubt. Given her treacherous, manipulative tendencies, it might well be possible that she could spill the truth in an attempt to save her own life and reputation. After all, no one (other than me) could disbelieve such a charming complexion, a straightforward speech, a simpering smile ... Oh, the agony! To be a Princess must be an arduous task in itself, but to pretend to be one was utterly nerve-wracking. Why should I so doubt my companions, and erstwhile friends, while they might share the same misgivings about me? But they had nothing to lose ... well, if Pwyns Xjrmynq was as honest as I believed, he probably would have ... while I had everything! My chance of finding my way home, my reputation, and my life were all at stake. How could Aei reprimand me for making decisions by myself, when I, Charlotte, happened to be the pillar upon which the entire enterprise rested? And, as any sensible person might note, the shoulders of a young girl, or, for that matter, any one not used to bearing such responsibility, were not the most ideal bearers of such a task. All it needed was a single tap, and ... *tap* "Uwaaa!!" Like a train jumping at a penny on the tracks, the slightest disruption to my thoughts was enough to start me up in a catastrophic fright, despite not being as large as a train, and into even greater agony as the side of my skull struck something heavy. Reeling at the jarring blow I staggered backwards and carefully fell against the wall to steady myself, as I clutched the side of my cranium, striving to ease the discomfort. It was only when I opened my eyes through the gradually dissipating barrier of pain that I saw the cause of my bodily injury ... Pwyns Xjrmynq, cringing as he leaned against the wall near to where I had been standing earlier, his eyes squeezed firmly shut as he caressed the side of his jaw, all the while mouthing his pain with each breath. "Um ... are you all right, sir?" I instinctively called out to him as I took a step forward, knowing that my oversensitive and overreactive reflexes had been the cause of our collision. "I ... I hope you're not hurt ... too badly .." "Uh? N ... no, the pleasure is all mine, your highness ..." he stammered. I fervently hoped that his disjointed reply was not a sign of any damage to his brain on my part, and was relieved as he lifted his shoulder off the wall, shook his head a little to clear it, and turned to me looking little worse for wear. "Please, pardon my incoherence ... I was addled somewhat at the suddeness of that blow, but of more concern to me right now, as it should always be, is your well-being. I most sincerely apologise for having distracted you from your thoughts, and injured you in the process, and I plead for your forgiveness." "There isn't anything to forgive, really, it was an honest accident. And you needn't worry about me, I'm just ... startled, that's all ..." Far from Pwyns Xjrmynq being incoherent, the entire conversation itself seemed discontinuous. On my part, that was because of the tremulous feeling that fills one upon the sudden impact, and passing, of the powerful but ephemeral pain caused by such accidents, rendering me unseemingly jumpy and prone to an inappropriate overuse of contractions in speech, especially considering the status of my counterpart. Pwyns Xjrmynq, on the other hand, seemed to be deliberately shunting aside his (certainly far greater) agony, as he proceeded to rub the side of his head instead of his impacted, and quickly reddening jaw. "Anyway, you were signalling me, weren't you? What is it that you wanted to say?" Pwyns Xjrmynq flinched a little at this, obviously somewhat surprised at having his apology, delivered in accordance with the decorum of a court, so pleasantly brushed aside. "Please accept my apologies, for it was regarding a matter of little importance. It was merely that I noticed you seemed to be in pain, and seeing as to how I happened to be in the possession of an ordinary but functional seat, I thought of offering it to you, whereupon you might rest and perhaps ease your mind a little," Pwyns Xjrmynq explained, the quiver in his tone suggesting some degree of sheepishness at having accidentally inflicted more pain in the process of seeking to relieve it. "Would your highness like to take my seat? As I have been given permission to leave it, I no longer find any need of it, as far as I do not find any need for repose for as long as my mission remains unfulfilled." So, he was still mulling over the prospects for the securing of his marriage of peace with the Princess Uaeouue, neither considering it already in his grasp, nor abandoning hope of its completion for abject despair. I chuckled a little at that noble declaration of his. Somewhat daft, yes, but as noble in intention as it was daft in practice. "I thank you for your concern, but that isn't really necessary ..." I rejected his rather kind offer while smiling my sweetest to express my appreciation for it, the smallest repayment possible for any good deed, "I'm fine as I already am, and there isn't any need for ..." "No, but I absolutely insist! That I am able to secure an audience with the object of my quest is more than enough hospitality for one who has already confronted, and overcome, a great deal of disparagement and stigmatisation as I have. There is absolutely no reason why a person of such grace and splendour such as yourself should subjugate your needs and desires to someone of my standing, someone who is a guest, and, in the eyes of many, an unwelcome one at that ..." interrupted and continued Pwyns Xjrmynq, desperate to live up to some kind of ideal of nobility or chivalry, neither of which I, or any sensible person, for that matter, had demanded of him. "That's all fine and dandy, sir, but I am telling you that honestly, I am not in need of a seat. Doubtless, it was kind of you to offer it, but I, on my own part, recognise that I am not in any urgent need of such accommodation and implore you to keep it for your own utilisation." Hey, it's not as if I'm pregnant, or crippled, or senile or anything! I don't need your seat! It's not that I'm rendering my own needs subservient to yours! It's definitely not a process of defeminisation where one seeks to reject the pleasantries of chivalry as donations to the beggar! I just don't need it, plain and simple! Amidst a flurry of interjections from the overly respectful Pwyns Xjrmynq (I began to regret ever expressing thanks to him), I became aware of a stifled sniggering which originated from halfway across the room, needless to say from that maleficent young miscreant whom, since I concluded my 'discussion' with her, had not uttered so much as a titter. With a hand clapped across her lips, Aei's attempts to stifle her mirth served only to render it ever more obvious, now that she had been observed. Taking advantage of Pwyns Xjrmynq concentrating more on the essence of his speech recommending the chair than the attentiveness of the person he was delivering it to, I turned a glance of bemused disdain to Aei. The girl observed my displeasure immediately, and in that smug, mischievous style of children who know something that grown-ups don't, merely shrugged her shoulders like a coy young dame and smiled saccharinely. That glance of mine was no less quick in contorting into a furious, incensed scowl, upon which Aei seemed about to reply with another childish gesture, but merely rolled her eyes, holding her hands behind her back impotently ... "Excuse me, dear Princess?" inquired Pwyns Xjrmynq in a voice a little softer than his usual proclamatory tone, which rendered it immediately audible to my ears numbed by his undulating, but repetitive exhortations, "Is there ... another matter which requires your attention? I would be more than delighted to assist you in any difficulties you may have." "Huh? Oh, nothing, I was just ..." I stammered sheepishly as my attention darted back to the waiting royal. Truth be told, while I had absolutely no intent whatsoever of attending a lecture expounding upon the physical, psychological and aesthetic benefits of myself being seated in a chair, I did feel somewhat guilty for ignoring Pwyns Xjrmynq, especially considered how he had been totally shut out of my previous 'discussion' with Aei, and, apart from the truth, it was difficult to conjure within me some other excuse for having disregarded him thus far. "Well, um, never mind. So, what is it that you were saying, about ..." My struggling in mid-speech was promptly interrupted by ecstatic laughter, no doubt emanating from that cretinous child across the room. Having found something so utterly hilarious in my behaviour (apart from the entire farce of my being there in the first place) Aei had given up trying to hide her glee and was laughing out loud, stamping her feet, slapping herself, everything short of rolling on the ground in exhiliration. "And just what, you bloody kid, is so darn funny?" I bellowed as my tolerance bent and snapped under the pressure of such provocative laughter. Pwyns Xjrmynq, who was about to deliver a reply to my less-than-sensible excuse earlier, was stunned beyond words by the use of such un-princess-like language, his eyes widened into circles, his mouth agape like a frozen goldfish. Oh well, there isn't much point in trying to pretend that we didn't have a hyperactive and mischevious but similarly insidious and deceitful profiteering child following us in our quest to restore peace to the land. "Um ... please enlighten me, your highness, but ..." Pwyns Xjrmynq stuttered, showing an unusual degree of uncertainty with regards to his speech, "But who is this sprightly young child here, accompanying you ... for some purpose ...?" "Oh ... ahem ..." I cleared my throat, just to clarify that the previous outburst was merely one which arose only under extreme aggravation, and was not typical of my regular dialogue when conversing with the average person, "Her name is Aei, and she's a resident of this town. She's following me because, well ... because she's my companion." In response to this indication, Aei donned the most sugary sweet of childlike grins, but it was one tainted by an unacceptable amount of euphoria as a twinge of mirth was perceptible on those slick little lips of hers. It did not take much more prompting other than the bemused but accommodating smile, and my own, which was barely honest or confident, to induce that simper into a quiet titter of tittilation, and, despite her prompty slapping a hand over her lips, failed to prevent the inevitable ... "Damn you, Aei! Stuff it, right now!" I shrieked horribly, the barrier of tolerance having already been breached, the next to crumble was any sense of regard for courtesy and demeanour. Striding over to the helplessly laughing child (without the slightest heed paid to Pwyns Xjrmynq's gasp of astonishment), I grasped the collar of her dress in my rage, and scrunched the little that was in my grip to a ball in my fist like a schoolyard bully. "If you're not going to explain yourself this instant, I'll ..." "Okay, all right! I'm talking! There's no need to get violent, Pri ... I mean, Charlotte!" gulped Aei, that unexplained ecstacy fading from her momentarily enough to afford her a chance at accounting for her atrocious behaviour ... and enough for me to loosen my grip on her collar. "But you wouldn't like it, I'm sure ..." "Dearest Aei, what I like even less than you embarrassing me in front of sir Pwyns Xjrmynq over there, is me having to very painfully thrash you in front of him," I snarled, as aforementioned Prince clung helplessly to the back of the chair he had been offering up barely minutes ago, desperately trying to steady his nerves and keep out of any potential conflict, "If you knew what was good for you, you would tell me. Now." "Hehe ... it was like this, you see ..." giggled Aei, still unable to control her glee despite all manner of yelling and threats, "I was thinking about why you made that decision you did, because I wouldn't have chosen that path myself ("Sounds sensible ..."), but after working it over, and running through it over and over again, I couldn't find a single logical reason why you would agree to help mister Prince over there. So, I deduced that the reason must be an illogical one." "Illogical? Which means ...?" I asked, my temper mellowed by my puzzlement ... and a growing intrigue. "Which means, you really do love that Prince over there ("What?!"), and you do want to marry him and stuff ("No!!"), and then I can go visit you, a real Princess, with all your kiddies ("Never!!"), and when he becomes the King, you can become the Queen and I'll feel absolutely chuffed that my bestest best friend is the Queen of at least half the entire continent ..." "Well, that last bit sounds good ..." I grumbled, my jaw hung low in a grimace of exasperation. Having already endured all manner of taunts from the shameless young lass, and getting myself thrown into all sorts of ridiculous scenarios by her, that sense of stale repugnance which instinctively flooded me with each new jibe was torrential enough to drown my soaring anger. "And while you have all the rights in the world to take absolute delight in imagining me in such a silly situation, I'll have you know how incredibly rude it is for you to laugh out loud while I am in the midst of conversation with good sir Pwyns Xjrmynq over here, who I have not the absolute slightest intention of ..." "Huh ...?" stammered a tremulous, fragile voice from behind me, "Of ...?" And I then realised that while, in my rage, my actions regarding Aei in front of Pwyns Xjrmynq needed no explaining no matter how uncouth, it was imperative I avoid giving him the wrong impression by definitively expressing my feelings in words, words that he could understand. I fervently attempted to conjure up some ruse or excuse to distract the suddenly appalled prince, who had darted forward from behind to face me. "Um, I meant ... I have not the absolute slightest intention of leaving you here. You see, Aei was trying to convince me to ..." "Oh, forget the excuses, darling Princess! You do like him!" chittered the pernicious prankster as she pranced about beside me like a pixie. A caffeine-enhanced pixie on a sugar high. "The way you seem to get all weak when you talk to him proves it!" "I ... DO NOT!!" I roared helplessly, like a beast lashed by her heartless words, leaving Pwyns Xjrmynq dumbfounded ... and dabbing the saliva his unprotected face was splattered with off with his sleeve. "And I'm taking it upon myself, as helpful little page girl to the lovesick Princess, to make sure that he falls in love with you, too!" proclaimed Aei loudmouthedly as I could only stand there cringing, unable to lay a finger on the prattling child now that Pwyns Xjrmynq was gazing right at me ... and the kid ... with wide, scrutinising eyes, and similarly too ashamed at myself for having broken into yet more childish outbursts, so much that I thrust my nails into my mouth to discourage my chattering teeth. "Once I detail your irresistible feminine charms to him, he won't be able to control his raging hormones for a moment longer! He'll be seduced, rendered defenceless by your temptations, at the mercy of your whim and fancy! He'll shower you with all the affection and adoration and lust that any girl has ever been so lucky to receive! By midnight, you'll be a true princess, no questions asked!" And just what was that supposed to mean? "Aei, oh come on, you can't be serious about this!" I whimpered with the little willpower I had left unexpended, "I mean, I'm not even ... you know ...?" Needless to say, as expected, she did not heed a single word I said. "Ladies and gentlemen! Or rather, gentleman ... and no ladies, at that. Allow me to introduce you to the finest specimen of femininity ever know to humankind, the most lovely and exquisite Princess Charlotte! Hooray!" she decreed as she slapped a hand over my shoulder, and indicated me with the other, as if she was marketing some kind of prize bovine at the cattle auction, "I know, you can already feel your pulse racing, your pupils dilating, that uncontrollable surge of adrenaline! But control your carnal cravings for now, my good man, and allow me to describe, with unrestrained adoration, the incredible awe-inspiring palpitation-inducing beauty of this most mesmerising maiden!" Wow. The entire irony of it all left me numb. I was being hacked apart and sold like a side of meat to a prince who would have married me, or rather, the Princess Uaeouue, if only she had given the word. For that matter, if I was as good-looking as was claimed, an introduction wouldn't be necessary to induce any heterosexual, hormonally-charged male to launch himself at me. "And besides," I muttered unconnectedly, already drained of emotion by my exertions earlier, "he doesn't even understand a single word you're saying. Don't waste your breath." It seemed more that I was wasting my breath, futilely trying to convince her to silence herself before she collapsed on me all deprived of oxygen ... and sanity. "First, allow me to lavish the most unsurpassable praise on the rapturous beauty of this fascinating lady's complexion. No doubt it has already caught your eye, drawn into the swirling depths of her seductive jet-black pupils. Or have you been tempted by the rosy redness of her tight and tender lips, breathing forward a summons too enchanting to be ignored?" Seized by a mercantile madness Aei proceeded to point out each and every one of aforementioned features for the benefit of the uncomprehending buyer, and would have prodded them with the tips of her sharpened nails had I not swatted those inquistiive fingers away before they had the chance. "That small, modestly peaked nose, those demure and delicate ears with their timid tips, her loveable linen locks, rolling from her crown like river of silver ... can be you be anything other than utterly entranced by the captivating beauty of this desirable damsel?" Well, I could be rolling about on the floor alternately laughing or gasping for breath. It needed a vivd imagination, or an extreme of gullibility, to believe that there was the slightest hint of truth in anything she said. If I ever became a politician, she would make a most irreplaceable spin doctor ... assuming I ever recovered from the immense wave of nausea that was now sweeping over me. "Shut up ..." I sighed breathlessly, knowing that whatever I said was doomed to disregard but served the purpose of me needing to express my disgust at the very least. "Shut up, Aei. You're not my pimp." The gasp of dismay by a deeply chagrined Pwyns Xjrmynq added emphasis to my my mounting disgust. "I'm not your pimp, darling ... I treat you much better than one. But if you need one, you know who to look for!" Aei remarked cheerfully as she turned to me for a moment before seamlessly returning to her advertising activities. Where did she learn all of that in this calm farming town, anyway? "And now, permit me to shift your gaze lower. These arms of hers, trim and fair, soft and silk-smooth, radiate benefaction, and soothe the heart of any person lucky enough to have her bestow her touch upon them. Lower still, that pale and ordinary but overly concealing skirt you see before you is nothing more than a film, a skin of modesty she finds appropriate ... no, absolutely necessary, in hiding from the prying eyes of less honourable men the most tantalising pair of legs ever to walk the face of this earth. Long, slim and slender, seeming to stretch forever, allow yourself to be tantalised as she wraps them about you like a deadly serpent, crushing any resistance with her irrepressible allure!" You know, if her words had a picture accurately depicting the description to go along with it, it would be known as pornography. But since neither aforementioned picture, nor a sensible description in the form of a language knowledgeable to Pwyns Xjrmynq was available, the effect on the intended target of her promotion on prostitution was minimal. "Um, does she happen to be your tailor, or dressmaker?" asked Pwyns Xjrmynq, now so inundated by the deluge of incomprehensible words that he felt comfortable enough to interrupt them, "She does seem rather young, to be performing such a service for a Princess ..." "Please, just ignore her ..." I muttered, before a prod at some more personal part of my body led me to yelp in fright at the audacious trespass of my sanctity, and so misplace the rest of my thoughts. "But all of these which I have described so far are but trivialities, mere small change, in comparison to what you will be getting once you lay your leisure upon this most invaluable asset ... her most enviable assets!" Aei proclaimed in the gleeful tone of an enthusiastic businesslady, with nary a hint of a childish snigger, while my face rapidly flushed an ever-deepening shade of violet, "Is it even humanly possible not relish taking this treasure into your bedroom with you? Observe the flowing contours of her lithe young physique, those hills and valleys more ravishing that any painted landscape. Her delectably narrow waist, naturally endowed and no product of slavish fasting, is a prelude to her arousingly round rump, to rouse the fancy of any admirer of the human form. And can I even begin to laud accolades upon her most luscious and well-formed bosom, ample and copious, with ..." *CREAK* "Pardon me, but ..." stammered a lady's voice as the door to the prison was gently opened, revealing to the modest and demure secretary with the tall hair the most appalling sight of their very own Princess being poked in the chest by a girl that was far from teenage, while the robed and orderly, and greatly ruffled prince of the kingdom opposite to theirs looked on with wild eyes. "Oh, dearie me ..." "Eep," yelped a thoroughly mortified Aei as she withdrew the offending finger and waved it frantically for a moment, as if finding a safe place to hide it, before she popped it into the corner of her mouth. "Not ... good ..." came the muffled burblings of the guilty child. But that ... she did ... that's disgusting! "AAEEII !!" Description grows ever more revolting with its looniness. Yuck. It's all gross. Thank heavens for limits to the human imagination ... ... ugh ... Lord save me ... *empties stomach* - Your adventure could not be ended, due to adventure-ender having met their end - posted by Charlotte | 4:08 pm (0) comments Disclaimer : The Slayers and Filia Ul Copt and all images thereof are the property of Hajime Kanzaka and Rui Araizumi. I don't own any of them, although if I had a choice I would want Filia ... ~//n_n\\7 |
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