Where chaos stops and more chaos ensues. Where Filia plays the electric keyboard.
Where anything goes.
-//o_O\\7 *Home of the Awful, Mediocre and Pathetic* -//u_u\\7
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Where chaos stops and more chaos ensues. Where Filia plays the electric keyboard. Where anything goes. -//o_O\\7 *Home of the Awful, Mediocre and Pathetic* -//u_u\\7 |
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Saturday, March 13, 2004 Sound card glitch. And what now? Thunderstorms, of course! Remembering how the last time I used the computer during a thunderstorm, my ADSL modem got fried and it cost me $200 to get it replaced, that's $200 that could be spent somewhere else like ... like replacing my sound card which is likely to be on the blink. Since it has been storming these few days, I have been sitting around occupying myself with either sleeping or staring bleary-eyed at lightning storms with the lights off (hence explaining aforementioned bleary-eyedness). That means less time to type, and the fact is while I do have everything in my head I can't type for more than an hour straight, and so ... Oh shut your stupid lame excuses. Your page of 'stories' is now officially blank! It is! Right, so it is. And to 'commemorate' this, I shall bump my last three pieces of writing so that, if you wish to read them, you can do so without clicking on the archive page and getting confused by it. And of course, I will continue writing on top of it. What did I do, anyway? The whole of Friday morning and afternoon was storming. I did get a bit down, before I left the house to attend Budak Pantai's monthly a cappella performance at YMCA building. They invited an all-girls group, NANU (which I profess I have no knowledge of) who were obviously not expected to surpass the resident hosts but, in my opinion, still left much to be desired. Until all girls can fake a bass voice without permanently destroying their vocal cords, the unfortunate truth is that you still need a guy around in any a cappella performance. Because without a lower range, you face problems such as a limited choice of songs, your harmony being cramped too close together and thus obscuring each other, and, worst of all, having to resort to ridiculous gimmicks like doing really weird (and indiscernible) variations in harmony or screeching some incredibly high notes just to woo (and deafen) the audience. I'm totally out of touch with popular music, as is all too clear to anyone who knows me, but as far as my inroads into a cappella go all-girl groups are very much inferior to a group with even just one guy. Of course, Budak is Budak, no need to elaborate about that. Because of the performance, of course, I got back really late. And would you kill me for saying that I was practically wrestling with my internet connection for that last ten minutes before 12 midnight trying to get the blogger update screen to display? Yes, no, it doesn't matter because you're too late. Haha! So that is why there is no Friday post. Saturday, went out for lunch because I won't be able to leave the house until Tuesday at the earliest, and had ramen, of course. Going back, I passed through Funan Centre, where it appears that Energy is holding a free performance cum autograph signing session! Wow! Unfortunately, I don't know anything about pop culture (see above) and thus, well, I have no idea who they are. There's F4, and 5566, and Energy, and ... um, I don't know. But the interesting thing is that I was offered a queue position rather close to the front, and it was quite a pity to turn it down, but it was only 3pm. And they were appearing at 7.30pm! Maybe I could have sold it off to another richer and more desparate Energy fan. Anyway, at Funan Centre, acquired Norton Antivirus Internet Security 2004 edition because I'm utterly sick of all these stupid virus files getting sent to my email, and of course with all the glitches plaguing my computer recently it's best just to double check. So I shall put up AntiVirus, and a spam filter, and a firewall! Hooray for internet isolationism! I also got Hordes of the Underdark for good measure, even though I still have The Frozen Throne left to play (heck, I have The Sims to play, but do I care? Stupid question.). All for a tidy sum of $100, plus GST. It was storming already when I got off the bus from Suntec City. My God, it was so scary even while I was still in the bus ... it was driving right through the middle of the storm, and every bolt of lightning was deadly sharp and lit up the bus like ... like really, really bright lights, and the thunder came instantly. I was watching the results of the Malaysian elections on TV Mobile (Go BN! At least some of their interests coincide with Singapore's ...) and every time the lightning struck, which was at least twice a minute, the screen would flicker and that stupid piercing noise would fill the air. To be followed by the thunder, of course. When I got off the bus, it was right in the middle of the storm. You know the Charge of the Light Brigade? Cannons to the left of them, cannons to the right of them, etc. So I was watching the lightning to see whether the storm was coming or going, and the most frightening thing is that it seemed to be everywhere. You know how that footballer got hit by lightning while standing among his mates, supposedly because he was the tallest one. But by how much? Five centimetres, at most, since he was standing at 1.8m ... the newspapers make him out to be so much taller than the average Chinese footballer. 5cm meaning the difference between life and death, standing in the middle of a football field among mates, in a sky with a mere drizzle. And there I was, all alone, in the midst of a thunderstorm without anything tens of metres tall like a stadium light post within ... tens of metres. So I sprinted the 200m home, actually stopping now and then to observe the lightning and only to go in the open after it had struck. You see how scared I am? Huh ... and I never cared about lightning that much before, beyond an incident too long to relate here. Yes, I do harbour a Freudian 'death urge' far stronger than the average JC student, but trust me, lightning is not the way to go. I do not want to end up in the news papers as an accidental death, nor do I wish to emulate Benjamin Franklin (the idiot, haha!). Anyway, I was tired, and it was still storming. So that meant no continuing with writing for the moment, and I went to sleep until 9+. So here I am. Hooray! Now go back to work. This post is likely to be kept, so if you don't like it, too bad! Kyahaha! posted by Charlotte | 3:40 pm (0) comments Thursday, March 11, 2004 (Post bumped - ed.) - War of Words, Part IX - Groan. Even nearly after getting the senses knocked out of me in battle and being physically and mentally shattered, iterrogated by a pair of burly guards in a less-than-comfortable jail cell, it was clear that the torture was not all over for me. There was still more to come ... trapped in a stuffy room with no windows, not alone (unfortunately), but in the companionship of probably the greatest loudmouth ever to exist this side of ... of whatever this place was, Pwyns Xjrmynq, heir to the throne of Consonance, at the head of a noble quest, a masterful and deadly assassin, and generally around a right and royal pain in the rear. And did I mention that I was sentenced to death by default? But then, as I leaned against the side of a wooden dresser, placing my hand to my head to reflect about my trials and ordeals, it occurred to me that the situation now was much less dire than I imagined. The air of the room was thick and dull, but at least it was pleasant, as evinced from the little bottle of perfume on the table spilling its scent in adequately generous proportions. The guards were good to their 'promise' as well, the slightly nicer guard returning within minutes of his assertation with a jug of fresh spring water and several small rolls of bread, not warm and somewhat hard but who were we to complain? Ever the door was left unlocked, a somewhat careless gesture considering the nature of the 'crimes' the people within had been indicted for but it was one made out of necessity, since there didn't seem to be bathrooms of any kind in this private boudoir. Best of all, the normally talkative and loose-lipped Pwyns Xjrmynq was now uncharacteristically quiet, probably silently pondering what lay ahead in the same sombre fashion that I was. Eventually, though, the silence of solemness became insufferably unbearable, and both of us (though to him long before to me) were eventually induced to converse. Noticing my dissipated expression, a fine blend of frustration and dolour, Pwyns Xjrmynq shuffled about uneasily before finally putting forth the first statement in quite a while. "You have my deepest gratitude, good Charlotte, for freeing me from the clutches of those unpleasant characters," he murmured quietly as he twiddled his fingers shiftily, "Pray, would it be asking too much to humbly request you recount the manner in which you went about doing so?" "Not really ... I hope," I sighed as I released myself from my position of inertia, having nearly melded myself to the crimson of the wall by turning a deep pink in the discomforting temperatures, "To me it's just a matter of being able to understand, and speak, both your languages at the same time, what one of the guards called an 'all-tongue'. It comes naturally to me, although how in the world I am able to do it I haven't the slightest idea. And you must also forgive me for acting upset and not offering to translate for you, because trust me, repeating others word for word isn't the most delightful thing to do." "Indeed, the honour is all mine. I must be blessed by the divine spirits of Consonance to have encountered such a talented and innovating young individual such as yourself," he declared, although this time he kept his voice low enough such that it didn't sound like yet another deluge of boisterous flattery, "With your assistance I am sure the achievement of my noble quest should not pose too much difficulty at all." "Right, I thank you, milord," I replied, lifting my eyebrows in a lackadasiacal fashion to which the rather bemused member of royalty acknowledged with a small grin, "But, speaking of your quest, I'd just like to pose a few questions which have been bugging me, if you don't mind.' "N ... not a problem in the slightest!" he agreed, although a little startled at my overly direct and straightforward riposte of speech, "Speak what you please. It is the least I can do for you right now to repay you for your invaluable assistance." Well, there's money, treasures, that endowment of nobility you promised, a nice plot of your kingdom which I could rule over as marquess ... there shouldn't be any difficulty drawing up a list of such ways. Oh, and a way to get home, of course. "Well, for starters I'd like to know why you happen to be on a quest to ... to marry the Princess of this country," I asked, the first of several pressing questions which had been plaguing me ever since the hostile reception I received at the hands of two of the locals (who just happened to be carrying heavy weapons), "Nobody really seems to be comfortable with someone from your country even being here, let alone your asserting chauvinistic dominance over a person, who might well be compatible with you, but who still possesses the highest non-leadership status in the entire country." "Oh, do refrain from utilising such contorted verbalisations! I have the utmost difficulty in adequately comprehending them!" he commented oxymoronically, knowing for once what it is like to get a taste of his own medicine, "Yes, I am knowledgeable of the negative demeanour with which my countrymen have been addressed in this foreign land, although I profess that I never have had an actual encounter with it until this fateful day. I gather from your question that you wish to know why I have chosen to brave these seemingly insurmountable obstacles?" "Yes ..." I muttered emotionlessly. Since dying an unpleasant death wasn't exactly most people's cup of tea, one would wonder why a person with the mental age of a toddler would ever abandon a charmed life to take on such challenges. "Alas, but it is all too clear to me that this seems to be the only way," he sighed dramatically while taking on (and maintaining) an affected pose, "All manner of hostilities, wars and confrontations have failed, earning an advantage for neither side while taking their toll on the long-suffering people of our lands. Subterfuge and diplomatic chicanery have only resulted in failure, and heightened the tension both in the courts and among the populace of either nation. It seems that the only solution is to come forward with a proposal, one that is honest, open and sincere, and one to which I willingly dedicate all of my nobility, indeed, all of my life. The unification of our lands is a cause for which many common people have died in vain for, and if it takes my royalty, as the heir to the throne of Consonance, with it, then it will only serve to illustrate the magnitude of our futile sacrifices." "And will undoubtedly be greeted with cries of approval from the folks over here," I added rather mordantly, to be greeted with a moan of helplessness from the noble concerned, "But ... you can't just wander over to this country where everyone wants your head, can you? Don't they have any notification of your coming? Doesn't the government of Consonance, or your parents, or whoever that is responsible give you authorisation for such a daring initiative?" "Huh. The leadership of either nation has atrophied into nothing more than a corpse, festering not with flies and maggots but with hatred for each other, which periodically bursts out in the gusts of fetid noxiousness we smell as war," Pwyns Xjrmynq elaborated poetically, and laid a hand over his forehead to emphasise that melodrama of it all, "What permission? What authorisation? My people would sooner have me exchange blades with a member of 'the enemy' before even exchanging a word with them. Whence comes this senseless hostility, this mindless hatred? I have taken much of my life for granted, but one thing that I am acutely aware of is how my upbringing merely as a scion and not a leader of the nation separates me from the decision-making and the workings of politics in my nation, and thus allows me to perceive that which their shallow mindsets have already blinded them to. The decision-making for me, now, is something which I do by myself." "But surely your nation won't let you leave just like that! No parent would allow their son to march heedlessly into the hands of the enemy! They'd send someone after you!" I countered rather insistently, seeing the obvious difficulty which confronted his valiant quest. "I'd sooner be captured and killed by the lowliest grunt of the other nation that have myself arrested by the mightiest general of my own," he asserted aggresively as he dropped his pose to focus his energy and emphasis into his words, "Even if it is but to take me back to a life of privilege and provision. For what meaning is there to life when there are others who must suffer needlessly?" So, this was the dauntless, determined prince fairy tales spoke of, selflessly abandoning a life of comfort in the attainment of a noble ideal. Unfortunately, fairy tales aren't meant to be true, and such passion for intangibles is a drive utterly devoid of common sense. But then that was monarchy. Who was there who would stop a young man of such status from indulging in the passion of his life? "Well, it's good that you show such an incredible determination as to the achievement of your goal," I commented observantly, to an approving smack of the lips from the person being so appraised, "But have you considered for a moment what would happen if ... I'm sorry, but this really ought to be addressed ... what would you do if you somehow failed and lived to see it? Now that they've caught you, instead of killing you they might just send you back to your homeland, and I can predict that you certainly won't be received too well by your own people. Or worse, what would you do if you managed to meet this Princess, and explained all the details of your quest and your motivations just as you're doing now, and expressed your wish for her hand in marriage ... and she refused you? Have you considered that?" Well, he could always go on a berserker rage slashing everyone in sight, dousing people and things with petrol and setting them alight, but there's not much you can do with such a weedy little body and a dinky kitchen knife. "I ... well ..." He was stumped for a moment on that last question, before he turned to me, with eyes that seemed to be lit by some kind of fire blazing behind them, and glared at me right in my face. "Are you doubting me again, my most honourable and trusted Xkwyr?" "I ... I'm not doubting you! I think that you've brought up many good points, and I certainly approve of your quest, not as if you needed any legitimisation to pursue whatever course of action you feel is best," I stammered as I backed away from his accusing stare, not wanting to agitate him just when I finally got him to talk sense, "But, it's important to consider the other outcomes, the 'what-if's. What if you don't get what you want, and something unexpected happens? It's always important to prepare a second plan, so that you're never caught off guard." "I see, that's right, you speak the truth. You are indeed one full of wisdom and perception, dear Xkwyr, and I am apologetic for ever having doubted your counsel," acknowledged Pwyns Xjrmynq as that blaze in his eyes dimmed a little, before fading out utterly as he closed his eyes in remorse, "But you must know that for me, there will not be any second plan. There can not be one. I cannot return home without having accomplished my mission, the quest I've embarked upon, the quest on which I've placed all of my soul and spirit. For me, failure is not an option." W ... what? If things didn't go his way, he would be killing himself? Suicide is the most immature and irresponsible way out of any difficulty. Certainly, I understood his feelings ... nobody wants to go home to a pair of deeply upset parents. But if something happened to him, odd as it sounded, where would that leave me? Lost, without a hopelessly inept companion with whom my inherent genius can be contrasted against, and sitting on the bench waiting to be executed. No. If I was following him, he had to succeed. "N ... no! You can't be thinking of killing yourself! You could always try again!" I remonstrated hysterically, much to his alarm as he was jolted out of his sombre mood, "You're supposed to be the Prince! You can go off and do whatever you want, as long as you're not dead! Don't end it all, all on the basis of a single failure!" "Heh. You pre-empt me, dear Charlotte. Make no more mention of the hideous concept the common man calls failure," he intoned seriously, the determination in him charged up like a compressed spring ready to lash out, "But make no mistake about it. Death is the only way out for me. If they do not kill me, upon my princely honour I swear that I will end my own life, a failed life, with my own royal dag ... say, where did I put it?" And there followed a ridiculous, farcical scene totally distant from any serious matters which had been discussed in the preceding minutes as Pwyns Xjrmynq proceeded to ransack himself, each pocket of his robe, reaching inside it, and nearly wrenching it off in the process (no, I don't want to imagine that), before he realised that if his dagger had not clattered to the ground outside during our battle in the streets before the fountain, he would most certainly have been relieved of it by a pair of guards more fearful of him maiming himself and soiling the place with his own blood than actually hurting them with it. Goodness me. "Okay ... well, seriously ..." I interjected tremulously as a flustered Pwyns Xjrmynq, realising how uncouth his acting in front of a cultured and mannerly young lady had been, nervously righted himself and straightened out his robe before returning his attention to me, "I guess you have all the rights to suicide, if you are really that beholden to it. It is, after all, the only free action open to anyone. But I hope you've listened to me, because all I'm doing is telling you that it isn't the only way out of such a difficulty." "I understand and appreciate your concern," he assented, his face bearing an increasingly grim expression, "But the life of royalty is one fraught with sacrifices, the solemn ritual of the noble often being judged as unnecessary and excessive by the common man. I know my path, and am prepared to face it by the good honour of my noble name. However, I am grateful. I will be in your debt forever for your support and assistance in my mission, no matter what end it may lead to." Well, at least he wasn't an ingrate. However, it would be much more comforting if he actually took a moment to ponder what I was getting out of all this questing, and to what ends I was working towards and how he might assist me on those endeavours. I wasn't in this business simply because I was concerned about justice and righteousness in a foreign land! Or maybe, I was ... a little. "All right. Of course, I can sense your burning desire to accomplish your mission so as to bring peace to both your lands," I remarked as nodding observantly, I noticed that while Pwyns Xjrmynq had a largely limited set of thoughts and expressions when it came about to everyday life, he did have quite some mental flexibility as far as his quest and his personal philosophy were concerned. Call that focussed and efficient, or merely an instance of blind pursuit. "However, I was thinking that maybe, even if you married this Princess, the two of you wouldn't be enough to stop the perpetual conflict. What are a pair of star-crossed lovers, even royal ones, supposed to do to get the people and the governments of either nations to simply throw aside years of hatred and resentment, abandoning their old ways for a reason no more legitimate than the reason they began fighting in the first place? You say that your name carries weight, and I certainly don't deny it (although this observation comes out of the deference the locals I observed paid to their Princess, and not on the part of Pwyns Xjrmynq of Consonance alone), but how will it stand against your parents, who are the ceremonial heads of the nation, or the government, the executive leaders of it?" "I ... er ... well ..." he stammered, very obviously baffled by that last question, although whether by the difficulty of finding an answer or by the length and wording of it had yet to be seen, "So basically, noble Xkwyr, what you are asking is whether ... whether my marriage to the Princess of this land would really solve this terrible conflict which has been plaguing our nations." Heh. For once, it was I who was unduly elaborate, and it was mister loudmouth who sought clarification and summarisation. Perhaps I should do this more of the time, in an attempt to compress his speech as often as possible. "Yes, that's what I mean," I clarified matter-of-factly, "What I'm saying is that marriage is fine if that's something the two people concerned want, but the fact is that it doesn't honestly change anything in the world, just that there now exists yet another married couple. It wouldn't even be very easy for you to make anything out of it even if you got married to her, seeing as to how you can't understand the local language. At the worst case, even if you say that you are uniting the royal families of both lands, it isn't likely to be significant if ... not that I predict it, but ... if your parents choose to abandon you for going over to the 'enemy' and disobeying them in the first place? Then you'd be stuck, and the war wouldn't stop. Have you thought about that?" "I ... um, er ... in all honesty," he stuttered, again unsure of how to reply, before drawing a breath and heaving out a number of sentences which seemed almost to pain him as they left his lips, "In all honesty, no, dear Charlotte. No, I have not given any thought to this issue at all. I sincerely believe, although your elucidating explanations have illustrated otherwise, that my marriage to the honourable and gracious Princess Uaeouue of Va World would be more than enough to demonstrate to the people of both our lands my desire for peace and unity. Yes, you might claim that a ... a 'mere' marriage achieves nothing significant, but is that not true of most symbolic gestures in the world, actions whose effects are disproportionately greater than their causes, like the waves of a ripple rolling outwards? You mentioned some time ago how we had to deal with the 'what-if's, the possible unexpected results of our actions, and the truth is that we are again dealing with many of these uncertanties here. Undoubtedly, the possibilities are always open that things may go as negatively as you say, but I am fuelled by my optimistic belief that my noble actions, on the basis of my initiative and my determination, would be sufficient to bring about the result that I long for. For what use is there in theorising without trying? My quest, therefore, is one of those attempts, the results of which I cannot predict but which I steadfastly view as the best way in which I can contribute to ending this senseless battle once and for all." At this, Pwyns Xjrmynq put his hand to his forehead for a moment almost in an attempt to soothe and steady himself, before he found whatever internal pain he was grappling with more than he could bear and, turning away, he took a seat on the sofa, still caressing his forehead, trying to absolve himself of the agony that plagued him. Sensing his misery, brought on no doubt by the difficulties my challenging of his hypothesis had dug up, I meekly sidled up to one of the smaller couches placed perpendicular to the large one where he sat and casually leaned against it, resting on my arms which lay folded on the head of its wooden frame. "I ,,, are you all right?" I whispered quietly, not seeking to agitate him more than was necessary, "I'm sorry for making you upset over your quest ..." "No, no, it is I who should apologise," he murmured, but to himself, without turning to face me, "I should not be losing my composure like this ... I acknowledge that the possibilities you have explained do make a large degree of sense, and I am ... ashamed of myself for not being able to confront them mentally. Therefore, I venture to ask you to challenge me again, so that I may steel myself and be able to face up to whatever that does happen, knowing that I am prepared for it thanks to the wise counsel of my companion and advisor Charlotte." "Right, if you wish ..." I affirmed, before continuing with what had indeed turned out to be the last question I was considering putting to him, over an issue I felt rather ... uncomfortable about. I was thinking it far too sensitive to ask someone as flippant and irrational as the blabbering and gibbering Pwyns Xjrmynq, but seeing as to how he was in a more sensible mood ... well, at your command, good sir! "My last question is, well, rather difficult to phrase and put forward to you, but ..." "Do not shy from any enquiry, faithful Xkwyr," he asserted, though not so much with strength as with despair, "You wrong me if you are not as open with me as you possibly could, and I wrong you if I do not reply you with that same honesty and truthfulness which are but the slightest demanded of someone of my status." "Okay, if you insist ..." I cautioned, before drawing in as large a breath as I could, puffing out my chest, and making that final damning assertion, "You wish to marry the Princess ... well, the Princess of this land, and the question is, do you love her?! Do you even know anything about her?! And in return, should she accept your proposal, will she love you as well? Marriage is not an issue of the pairing of one's status or standing in society, but is one that can only be sustained by the compatibility between two people who are honestly, truly, and very very deeply in love with each other. Otherwise, your marriage will only serve a functional purpose, a mere symbol, that illustrates something to the world while jeopardising both of your personal lives, something which I guarantee can only end in tragedy and tears for you and her. I understand the degree of the sacrifices which you are willing to make for the achievement of your goal ... but must you possibly ... necessarily ... ruin the life of another girl who, far from being a royal Princess, is also another person with thoughts and feelings of her own, like myself?" "I ... I never thought about that ..." he murmured, before falling into a silence from which he looked unlikely to snap out of for a very long time. "It isn't all touch and go, this quest of yours. Marriage is a question of compatibilities and relationships, not functionality and purpose ... they don't get married so something happens, they get married because they just want to!" I exhorted, almost breaking into a spree of crusading as my seeming anathema for injustice extended to my companions as to the rest of the world, "I know it's disheartening of me to pre-empt you like these with all these thoughts and nuances about things that might never happen, but ... isn't it similarly foolish not to give them any thought beforehand? I'm not trying to dissuade you or anything, but I hope you are thinking about it ..." "I am ... I definitely am!" he insisted spiritlessly, before returning to that doleful melancholy of his, "But I am already too far into my quest to back out ... and I shall not! My only regret is that I was never open with anyone about my intentions, so that they could correct my errors, until I met you, one who is not just a follower but also an adviser and a defender. Stay with me, Charlotte, my faithful companion, and together we will see the end of our noble quest through!" So. It felt uplifting ... positively wonderful to be depended upon, and no longer by one who took your presence for granted but one who was now willing to take your counsel, to correct themselves, and to return that same degree of faith one begins to examine oneself for, searching oneself to see whether one did ever make such a generous gesture. Next to this feeling, the promises of rewards and treasure were nothing. Well, they were more tangible ... but they didn't make one feel as good as a confession like this did. I was about to extend a word of comfort when a sharp rap struck across the door of the room, one which barely sounded like the thump of a metal gauntlet like the ones the guards were wearing. Was someone else here? "Pwyns Xjrmynq, heir to the throne of Consonance and quester for the hand of the fair Princess in marriage," snarled someone outside in a malicious, barbed tone which sounded nothing like the harsh gruffness of the guards, and little more similar to my companion's slick, refined tone, "Pwyns Xjrmynq, and his lady companion, I presume? Opem the door!" "W ... what do you want?" I yelped as I leapt from my position, reclining against the head of one of the chairs. Was this the 'higher authority' they were speaking of? Noticing my friend's distressed state, and the obvious fact that he was not in the comprehending of the local language, I took it upon me to reply to this less than courteous character. "Why, none other than the person appointed to apprehend the two of you, of course!" the voice replied sneeringly, disdainful even of my inoffensive reply, "Enemy of criminals, fearsome bounty hunter, famed adventurer, intrepid explorer ..." "Who is it?" "The bold, the grand, the great ... Io Aoi." Huh? What? Now who is this unnecessarily nasty and utterly distasteful character? And how much regard are you interested in showing this unfriendly person? 31. Well, pardon me, but you could be more pleasant with your introductions. 32. And do I care? No. Get stuffed. - You rad ventu reend she re ... huh?- posted by Charlotte | 3:09 pm (0) comments Wednesday, March 10, 2004 - A Way with Words, Part IX.i - 27. Looking good, and ready to shine! "Aei, are you sure that ... looks ... are all there is to it?" I whispered meekly to the eternally grinning little girl following keenly behind me, taking care to avoid any sideways glances from the monocled secretary just a little ahead of us. It wouldn't be a good idea to reveal oneself to be only pretending to be a princess, especially since it wasn't a good idea to even pretend to be a princess in the first place, "I'm not exactly comfortable with that ..." "Oh, stop doubting, you ninny, and trust me!" she sniggered mischievously, and was about to leap forward to grasp a loose lock of hair before I swiftly yanked it out of her twiddling little fingers, "Men are total idiots, all they need to do is see a pretty girl and then they go nuts! It's a simple way of dealing with simple people." "Thank you for the compliment, but no, I do not like a slobbering, drawling bum going nuts in front of me," I countered unhappily, the unease of the pretense already working its way through my normally less than reserved self such that I felt compelled to wring out my hair in frustration and yell my miseries to the world like the bayings of a beaten wolf, "If someone's going to play the part of a call girl, it's not going to be me." "Of course it's not going to be you! You're a princess, not some haggard old drab plying her wares in the forgotten back alleys of some unknown ..." she asserted before reflexively clasping a hand over his lips mid-sentence, "Um ... don't tell my parents that I talked about such things. Hehe ..." "The more you speak, the more I wonder where you got your education ..." I remarked nonchalantly before my train of thought was interrupted by the near collision into the lapel of a somewhat tremulous, and very surprised young lady, "Do excuse me, I was distracted for a moment there ..." "Er, the honour is all mine, your majesty," she replied quiveringly in a rather disjointed fashion, before indicating a passageway at a junction which looked like it headed deeper into the seemingly limitless depths of the local town hall, as opposed to the brightness of the sunlight winking in from around the corner of a corridor which looked like it led where I wanted to be. Outside. "Do step this way, please, and proceed to the end of the corridor. I apologise most profusely but I must ... um ... take my leave now. You will be further guided by more of our ... representatives. Good morning, your highness." With that, she gingerly sidled past us, giving a slight glance back to check that we had understood her before, before slipping away through that same corridor leading out, lifting her skirt at the belt as she left. It was almost as if ... she was in a hurry to abandon us. Was it because she had something of the town's or of her own that was more important at this point in time? Or was it because she did not see fit to watch me exchanging words with that ranting, babbling stranger ... or that she did not look forward to it. Oh dear me. I was tempted to slip back in line behind her and scarper from this pathetic pretence, but a sharp word from Aei cut me short. "Charlotte, where do you think you are going?" she cried, practically announced as she delivered her words with all her might such that anyone waiting down either corridor would certainly be in the hearing of it, "You get back to where you're supposed to be going! Don't you run away now! You had better not ... um ... hehe ... let go, please ..." As was to be expected, she only fell silent when I locked one of her shoulders in a firm vice-like clasp while the other was suitably positioned so as to express my utmost anger and irritation. "Shut up, you!" I exclaimed as I released her from my grip, whereupon she proceeded to dust off the cloth which my hand had crinkled, "It's hard enough trying to play this silly charade! I know that some people derive confidence from looking good, but beyond that, we are more than just puppets! Acting a role is more than just an issue of one's appearance, one must also be mentally and psychologically prepared!" "I knew that already!" she retorted acidly, somewhat offended by my tone which seemed to patronise her on the basis of her youth, "You don't have to be a grown-up to know those kinds of things!" "So, are you grown up enough to know how irritating your behaviour is?" I snarled resentfully, taking her aback a little with my seriousness, "How do you expect me to get this through with you teasing and distracting me at every turn? I'm trying to get myself together, not to be confused and lose myself, and you're certainly not helping! You may think that it's all set up, that it's just a matter of looking good to appease single-minded men, but unless you put some thought into it you're no better than those imbeciles in the first place! Don't you forget that I have feelings too!" "I ... oh, you're right," she sighed helplessly as she shrunk back a little, "I'll shut up. Maybe it would be better, too, if, when they tell me to leave ..." "Not that you can't ever tease people, of course!" I quickly intervened, desperate to prevent those tender feelings of her from being bruised, yet restraining emotion enough just in case I was lured into making a fool of myself again, "It's all right to be yourself, it's just that you need to know when you can act as you wish, and when you have to be more controlled and reserved. There's a time for laughs, and a time to ..." "A very excellent morning, your royal highness!" exclaimed a gruff voice from somewhere down the darkened corridor, "We have instructions to escort you to the prisoner's accommodations." "Greetings and good day, gracious Princess!" added a second in smoother tones as his voice echoed his partner's, "We humbly apologise for keeping you waiting. Do follow us onward." I turned to the direction of the sound to see two armoured guards stepping out of the candle-lit hall, each decked out in jet-black plate from the head to the toes such that not a scrap of flesh was seen, while one bore a halberd bearing a razor-sharp single-bladed axe head, the other carrying a sleek spear with a polished, shimmering triangle head. As if their movements were orchestrated, they strode together, stopped together and attempted to kneel together. However, the bulkiness of their armour and their unwieldy weapons meant that they were better off standing up, or risking sending heavy poles crashing down on the head of the dignitary they were about to greet. "Um, stand up, please ..." I uttered, doing my best to switch from my previously heated and argumentative tone to a more soothing and serene one, after noticing that they seemed to be oblivious to the impossibility of kneeling safely in the narrow corridor, "We'll be right behind you, just lead the way forward." The pair of guards took their bow, and made an about-face to beckon us onward (nearly whacking into each other in the process) when my thoughts were cut short by a nervous tap at my elbow. Whirling around, I unsurprisingly found the little chatterbox close by my side to whisper a few more words into my ear. "Remember, you're Charlotte!" she hissed, a little agitated at my actions and the calmness with which I seemed to carry them out, "You're not supposed to respond! Don't forget we're only looking the part, not claiming to actually be it!" "I ... well, yeah! Thanks for reminding me, but ..." I whispered in return as I shook her free to take a few steps forward before we fell too far behind the guards, "But surely I've got to respond to them! I've got to talk to get things done, and besides, it's rude to leave people hanging in conversations!" "I'll cue you in!" she replied, offering a rather innovative solution to the obvious communication problem, "Don't respond to them if they address you incorrectly ... I'll throw a leader into the chatter so that you can join in, as yourself!" That sounds interesting. You see, dear, you've got a good head on those shoulders. It's just that you need to learn to use it for more than just less than legal purposes. "My princess?" called a tinny voice from somewhere in front of me as an armoured head peeked round a corner, "Are you with us? This matter requires the utmost haste." I was about to reply in my natural fashion when my better thought restrained me, and I held my tongue to see how Aei would manouever the real me into the conversation. "Don't worry, now!" Aei replied as she darted in front of me to address the guards, "We'll be right behind you, won't we, Charlotte?" "Your pardon?" inquired a steely tone from behind that same corner, as a second helmet revealed itself to us, "You're still here, girl? This issue is none of your concern." Aei made a childish face of disdain while she tugged at my sleeve with a hidden hand, and I knew it was my turn to intervene to ensure that she would be kept beside me. "She's no problem," I asserted as I placed a hand on her shoulder to her delight, "I'll be responsible for her safety. We're together." "As you please, your majesty," acknowledged the first guard as he withdrew his head. "By your will, your highness," acquiesced the second guard as he turned himself away. Quickening our pace, the two of us followed the guards keenly, twisting through the contorted passageway, until finally arriving at a gloomy-looking door that, despite smelling stale and appearing relatively unused, practically reeked with the torment of imprisonment. A dull, yet unrusted door of poor steel, it creaked mournfully as one of the guards twisted the doorknob and let the door swing open. Apparently, it wasn't even locked in the first place. Just how badly had they disabled that strange foreigner such that he would not be able to escape even from an unlocked room? And then, as I was formally escorted into the threadbare room and took my first glance around the jail cell, I understood why. Of course, there was no doorknob on the inside. How silly of me. The stranger himself, despite his rather decrepit surroundings, didn't look very much worse for wear. Dressed in a formal robe of pale, he bore little marks of his previous manhandling apart from several large bruises on his wrists and arms, and the customary dirty patches on his robe where it had dragged against the floor. He initially appeared apprehensive, as the pair of guards made their way into the room careful not to get their weapons caught against the low head of the door, before his eyes lit up when, in stark contrast to the drab and doleful suits of black the guards marched in, in sashayed the beautiful Princess herself, her relaxed frame inducing an inviting feeling of comfort rather than the further mistreatment that the armoured suits impended, her light, quavering eyes beaming with benevolence and compassion as compared to the senseless hatred and derision emanating from the empty hoods of the imposing iron sentinels. Well, okay, maybe that's not exactly what he was thinking but it is difficult, and ill-advised, to read the mind of a man who had only recently progressed past adolescence when a timid, frightful and unwary girl enters the room. "All hail and greetings! Pay your respects to the gracious Princess Uaeouue of Va World!" announced the guard with the spear, lifting a gauntlet to the ceiling as a mark of grandeur while the other rested his spear against the wall. "On your knees, you infidel! Bow before the heir to the throne of our glorious kingdom!" demanded the guard with the halberd, stabbing his weapon into the floor with one hand while the other compelled the prisoner forward. It was obvious, however, that the foreigner needed no motivation to fall prostrate upon the ground, ready to deliver a speech, certainly prepared ages ago, in that language which it seemed only I, of the others in the room, could understand. "Oh, most honourable, respectable, fair maiden, the kind and generous Princess Uaeouue!" he declared, or more like grovelled, consider the rather pathetic position he was in as he spoke, "I beg of you, your highness, do demonstrate your bountiful nature by giving me leave to speak of myself and my cause. This is all I plead for, and beyond that you are free to dispose of me as you wish, for I am in your power." Um, what? Power? And here there appeared a man who addressed the Princess, ready to lap up every word she uttered with the greatest of delectation, and there I was, concealed behind the ivory mask of that very same Princess, unsure of how to speak or act to one who seemed to be so self-deprecating. Aware that I wasn't supposed to reply to that incorrect form of address, I glanced behind for my dear companion who, in an effort to keep out of the way of that unusual gibbering madman, had hidden herself in the shadow of my insufficiently adequate frame. Giving her an expectant gaze, she returned it with an insistent wink which meant ... what? Of course! She couldn't understand a thing the man was saying, and neither could either of the guards flanking me. So was this what was meant by power? I could insert my delusions into that one mind, to make him believe whole-heartedly (not as if he didn't already) that I was someone I really was not. As long as I avoided placing an undue amount of attention on any royal attribute of mine and laying false claims upon myself which could be used against me later, the conversation was basically mine to command. A split-second decision was necessary here, and it was quickly made. "Um, er, very well," I stammered awkwardly, acutely aware of the oddness in how, to the three locals, I seemed to be replying to babble with sense, "Speak what you have to ... I'll be listening." "Of course, my lady!" the man replied cheerily, his previously vacant expression lightening up with every word, "Do allow me, however, to first compliment you on your most enchanting and alluring attire, your wholesome and shapely poise, yourself most certainly being the epitome of beauty and femininity, and all in all the pinnacle of humanly perfection as far as these adoring eyes of mine can judge." Not very far, apparently. One one hand, there was flattery, on the other, there were outright lies, and somewhere best left unhandled there was utter nonsense. If there was anything preventing mischievous Aei who had been poking fun at me all our little adventure from snapping out of her hidden position behind me, and falling to roll on the floor laughing uncontrollably, it was the fact that she couldn't understand what the deranged fellow was saying, something I was intensely glad for. If he had prepared such a speech in advance for the voluptuous young princess as depicted on the front page of the local news papers, it was surprising that he did not flinch in disappointment or insert a whiff of sarcasm as he delivered his rapturous appraisal. Then again, what was he to do when he was in the custody of armed troopers who were judging how to handle him on the basis of his facial features alone? Sensing that it was not advantageous to anyone to let the conversation drag on longer than necessary, I resolved to direct him back onto the course of business sense, to talk business, and to make sense while going about it. "Thank you very much, but that isn't really the issue at hand here," I answered a little more assertively, to demonstrate just what I regarded as important, "You were saying something about yourself and your reasons for coming here?" "Oh, forgive my impulsiveness, it was only part of my instinct to praise any lady who was worthy of ..." And a sharp glare from the corner of my eye cut him short, "I, well, yes, I apologise. Do allow me to introduce myself, your highness, as Pwyns Xjrmynq, scion of the royal family and immediate heir to the throne of the Kingdom of Consonance, and now and forever the humble servant of your most royal majesty." "You're, as you said, Pwyns Xjrmynq, heir to the throne of the Kingdom of Consonace? So you're a prince?" I repeated, both as a method of clarifying the identity which the man had presented himself in, and also for the benefit of the three about me who were unable to comprehend his words, "Aren't the people of Va World supposed to be your enemies? Why should you be beholden to them?" Judging from the muffled murmurings of disbelief from the guards flanking me, and even the nervous flinching of the hidden girl meekly peering over my shoulders, the identities of the royal families of the opposing nation were not particulary well known, something doubly reinforced by how this Pwyns Xjrmynq was so quick to pounce upon the notion of me being royalty. "Indeed I must, as I should be to everyone, noble or commoner, of either of our glorious nations, if I wish my noble quest ever to be fulfilled," he murmured, a little sadly, before quickly leaning forward, reaching his hands out to grasp ... well, nothing, because my hands were safely at my sides where they were best located, "And most of all, I am beholden to you, gracious, noble Princess of this equally beautiful land. For it is only together that we can end this senseless savagery, this meaningless misery, this hideous hatred, this causeless, ceaseless conflict that pervades both our lands! It is only with your generous assistance that my noble quest can ever be fulfilled, my quest to end the war between our countries forever!" Huh? Who, me? Aei remarked to me not too long ago about how I seemed to be enjoying playing the part of a princess, an observation I deeply resented. However, now I realise that I resented it not because it was untrue ... it was because it was difficult to distance the real you from the personality you played, the part you acted, once you get into character and are thrust into the world, waiting to bombard you with challenges like this one. And now I found it impossible that I could achieve anything like Pwyns Xjrmynq suggested ... only on second thought that it was the power of the Princess and not my own that he required, a power which, funnily enough, appeared to me to be similarly inadequate. "And ... if you please, could you elaborate as to what I could do, what ..." I paused, a wad of saliva rising in my throat causing me to gag, and as a point of emphasis to show just how important that last piece of dialogue was, "What you need of me, in order to end this war." "You are the only one who can do this," he declared rather flatly, although the way his expression seemed to light up in mentioning me, or rather, the 'Princess' he believed he was addressing, was rather unnerving ... and uncanny, "I need you." "Do what?" I demanded, feeling increasingly agitated, yet doing my best to avoid showing it and aggravating the situation, "What do you mean, you need me?" First a premise, next came the specifications, and finally came the gist of it all, the crux, the bottom line. "I need your hand in marriage." "Wha ... ?" Those words like a blow seemed to strike some part of me, although as to whether it was my personal feelings as an individual, the tone by which I was attempting to characterise myself, the ability to innovate with which I was fuelling that characterisation, or simply my poor battered conscience ...or absolutely all of them, I had not the slightest notion. All that came across me was a sudden blankness, a blanket quickly draped over a quavering spirit, smothering it. Aei told me I fell backward into her hurriedly opened arms. So all those jibes about my weight didn't have any truth in them after all. - "... ..." ... Line? - posted by Charlotte | 3:40 pm (0) comments Tuesday, March 09, 2004 - War of Words, Part IX - Groan. Even nearly after getting the senses knocked out of me in battle and being physically and mentally shattered, iterrogated by a pair of burly guards in a less-than-comfortable jail cell, it was clear that the torture was not all over for me. There was still more to come ... trapped in a stuffy room with no windows, not alone (unfortunately), but in the companionship of probably the greatest loudmouth ever to exist this side of ... of whatever this place was, Pwyns Xjrmynq, heir to the throne of Consonance, at the head of a noble quest, a masterful and deadly assassin, and generally around a right and royal pain in the rear. And did I mention that I was sentenced to death by default? But then, as I leaned against the side of a wooden dresser, placing my hand to my head to reflect about my trials and ordeals, it occurred to me that the situation now was much less dire than I imagined. The air of the room was thick and dull, but at least it was pleasant, as evinced from the little bottle of perfume on the table spilling its scent in adequately generous proportions. The guards were good to their 'promise' as well, the slightly nicer guard returning within minutes of his assertation with a jug of fresh spring water and several small rolls of bread, not warm and somewhat hard but who were we to complain? Ever the door was left unlocked, a somewhat careless gesture considering the nature of the 'crimes' the people within had been indicted for but it was one made out of necessity, since there didn't seem to be bathrooms of any kind in this private boudoir. Best of all, the normally talkative and loose-lipped Pwyns Xjrmynq was now uncharacteristically quiet, probably silently pondering what lay ahead in the same sombre fashion that I was. Eventually, though, the silence of solemness became insufferably unbearable, and both of us (though to him long before to me) were eventually induced to converse. Noticing my dissipated expression, a fine blend of frustration and dolour, Pwyns Xjrmynq shuffled about uneasily before finally putting forth the first statement in quite a while. "You have my deepest gratitude, good Charlotte, for freeing me from the clutches of those unpleasant characters," he murmured quietly as he twiddled his fingers shiftily, "Pray, would it be asking too much to humbly request you recount the manner in which you went about doing so?" "Not really ... I hope," I sighed as I released myself from my position of inertia, having nearly melded myself to the crimson of the wall by turning a deep pink in the discomforting temperatures, "To me it's just a matter of being able to understand, and speak, both your languages at the same time, what one of the guards called an 'all-tongue'. It comes naturally to me, although how in the world I am able to do it I haven't the slightest idea. And you must also forgive me for acting upset and not offering to translate for you, because trust me, repeating others word for word isn't the most delightful thing to do." "Indeed, the honour is all mine. I must be blessed by the divine spirits of Consonance to have encountered such a talented and innovating young individual such as yourself," he declared, although this time he kept his voice low enough such that it didn't sound like yet another deluge of boisterous flattery, "With your assistance I am sure the achievement of my noble quest should not pose too much difficulty at all." "Right, I thank you, milord," I replied, lifting my eyebrows in a lackadasiacal fashion to which the rather bemused member of royalty acknowledged with a small grin, "But, speaking of your quest, I'd just like to pose a few questions which have been bugging me, if you don't mind.' "N ... not a problem in the slightest!" he agreed, although a little startled at my overly direct and straightforward riposte of speech, "Speak what you please. It is the least I can do for you right now to repay you for your invaluable assistance." Well, there's money, treasures, that endowment of nobility you promised, a nice plot of your kingdom which I could rule over as marquess ... there shouldn't be any difficulty drawing up a list of such ways. Oh, and a way to get home, of course. "Well, for starters I'd like to know why you happen to be on a quest to ... to marry the Princess of this country," I asked, the first of several pressing questions which had been plaguing me ever since the hostile reception I received at the hands of two of the locals (who just happened to be carrying heavy weapons), "Nobody really seems to be comfortable with someone from your country even being here, let alone your asserting chauvinistic dominance over a person, who might well be compatible with you, but who still possesses the highest non-leadership status in the entire country." "Oh, do refrain from utilising such contorted verbalisations! I have the utmost difficulty in adequately comprehending them!" he commented oxymoronically, knowing for once what it is like to get a taste of his own medicine, "Yes, I am knowledgeable of the negative demeanour with which my countrymen have been addressed in this foreign land, although I profess that I never have had an actual encounter with it until this fateful day. I gather from your question that you wish to know why I have chosen to brave these seemingly insurmountable obstacles?" "Yes ..." I muttered emotionlessly. Since dying an unpleasant death wasn't exactly most people's cup of tea, one would wonder why a person with the mental age of a toddler would ever abandon a charmed life to take on such challenges. "Alas, but it is all too clear to me that this seems to be the only way," he sighed dramatically while taking on (and maintaining) an affected pose, "All manner of hostilities, wars and confrontations have failed, earning an advantage for neither side while taking their toll on the long-suffering people of our lands. Subterfuge and diplomatic chicanery have only resulted in failure, and heightened the tension both in the courts and among the populace of either nation. It seems that the only solution is to come forward with a proposal, one that is honest, open and sincere, and one to which I willingly dedicate all of my nobility, indeed, all of my life. The unification of our lands is a cause for which many common people have died in vain for, and if it takes my royalty, as the heir to the throne of Consonance, with it, then it will only serve to illustrate the magnitude of our futile sacrifices." "And will undoubtedly be greeted with cries of approval from the folks over here," I added rather mordantly, to be greeted with a moan of helplessness from the noble concerned, "But ... you can't just wander over to this country where everyone wants your head, can you? Don't they have any notification of your coming? Doesn't the government of Consonance, or your parents, or whoever that is responsible give you authorisation for such a daring initiative?" "Huh. The leadership of either nation has atrophied into nothing more than a corpse, festering not with flies and maggots but with hatred for each other, which periodically bursts out in the gusts of fetid noxiousness we smell as war," Pwyns Xjrmynq elaborated poetically, and laid a hand over his forehead to emphasise that melodrama of it all, "What permission? What authorisation? My people would sooner have me exchange blades with a member of 'the enemy' before even exchanging a word with them. Whence comes this senseless hostility, this mindless hatred? I have taken much of my life for granted, but one thing that I am acutely aware of is how my upbringing merely as a scion and not a leader of the nation separates me from the decision-making and the workings of politics in my nation, and thus allows me to perceive that which their shallow mindsets have already blinded them to. The decision-making for me, now, is something which I do by myself." "But surely your nation won't let you leave just like that! No parent would allow their son to march heedlessly into the hands of the enemy! They'd send someone after you!" I countered rather insistently, seeing the obvious difficulty which confronted his valiant quest. "I'd sooner be captured and killed by the lowliest grunt of the other nation that have myself arrested by the mightiest general of my own," he asserted aggresively as he dropped his pose to focus his energy and emphasis into his words, "Even if it is but to take me back to a life of privilege and provision. For what meaning is there to life when there are others who must suffer needlessly?" So, this was the dauntless, determined prince fairy tales spoke of, selflessly abandoning a life of comfort in the attainment of a noble ideal. Unfortunately, fairy tales aren't meant to be true, and such passion for intangibles is a drive utterly devoid of common sense. But then that was monarchy. Who was there who would stop a young man of such status from indulging in the passion of his life? "Well, it's good that you show such an incredible determination as to the achievement of your goal," I commented observantly, to an approving smack of the lips from the person being so appraised, "But have you considered for a moment what would happen if ... I'm sorry, but this really ought to be addressed ... what would you do if you somehow failed and lived to see it? Now that they've caught you, instead of killing you they might just send you back to your homeland, and I can predict that you certainly won't be received too well by your own people. Or worse, what would you do if you managed to meet this Princess, and explained all the details of your quest and your motivations just as you're doing now, and expressed your wish for her hand in marriage ... and she refused you? Have you considered that?" Well, he could always go on a berserker rage slashing everyone in sight, dousing people and things with petrol and setting them alight, but there's not much you can do with such a weedy little body and a dinky kitchen knife. "I ... well ..." He was stumped for a moment on that last question, before he turned to me, with eyes that seemed to be lit by some kind of fire blazing behind them, and glared at me right in my face. "Are you doubting me again, my most honourable and trusted Xkwyr?" "I ... I'm not doubting you! I think that you've brought up many good points, and I certainly approve of your quest, not as if you needed any legitimisation to pursue whatever course of action you feel is best," I stammered as I backed away from his accusing stare, not wanting to agitate him just when I finally got him to talk sense, "But, it's important to consider the other outcomes, the 'what-if's. What if you don't get what you want, and something unexpected happens? It's always important to prepare a second plan, so that you're never caught off guard." "I see, that's right, you speak the truth. You are indeed one full of wisdom and perception, dear Xkwyr, and I am apologetic for ever having doubted your counsel," acknowledged Pwyns Xjrmynq as that blaze in his eyes dimmed a little, before fading out utterly as he closed his eyes in remorse, "But you must know that for me, there will not be any second plan. There can not be one. I cannot return home without having accomplished my mission, the quest I've embarked upon, the quest on which I've placed all of my soul and spirit. For me, failure is not an option." W ... what? If things didn't go his way, he would be killing himself? Suicide is the most immature and irresponsible way out of any difficulty. Certainly, I understood his feelings ... nobody wants to go home to a pair of deeply upset parents. But if something happened to him, odd as it sounded, where would that leave me? Lost, without a hopelessly inept companion with whom my inherent genius can be contrasted against, and sitting on the bench waiting to be executed. No. If I was following him, he had to succeed. "N ... no! You can't be thinking of killing yourself! You could always try again!" I remonstrated hysterically, much to his alarm as he was jolted out of his sombre mood, "You're supposed to be the Prince! You can go off and do whatever you want, as long as you're not dead! Don't end it all, all on the basis of a single failure!" "Heh. You pre-empt me, dear Charlotte. Make no more mention of the hideous concept the common man calls failure," he intoned seriously, the determination in him charged up like a compressed spring ready to lash out, "But make no mistake about it. Death is the only way out for me. If they do not kill me, upon my princely honour I swear that I will end my own life, a failed life, with my own royal dag ... say, where did I put it?" And there followed a ridiculous, farcical scene totally distant from any serious matters which had been discussed in the preceding minutes as Pwyns Xjrmynq proceeded to ransack himself, each pocket of his robe, reaching inside it, and nearly wrenching it off in the process (no, I don't want to imagine that), before he realised that if his dagger had not clattered to the ground outside during our battle in the streets before the fountain, he would most certainly have been relieved of it by a pair of guards more fearful of him maiming himself and soiling the place with his own blood than actually hurting them with it. Goodness me. "Okay ... well, seriously ..." I interjected tremulously as a flustered Pwyns Xjrmynq, realising how uncouth his acting in front of a cultured and mannerly young lady had been, nervously righted himself and straightened out his robe before returning his attention to me, "I guess you have all the rights to suicide, if you are really that beholden to it. It is, after all, the only free action open to anyone. But I hope you've listened to me, because all I'm doing is telling you that it isn't the only way out of such a difficulty." "I understand and appreciate your concern," he assented, his face bearing an increasingly grim expression, "But the life of royalty is one fraught with sacrifices, the solemn ritual of the noble often being judged as unnecessary and excessive by the common man. I know my path, and am prepared to face it by the good honour of my noble name. However, I am grateful. I will be in your debt forever for your support and assistance in my mission, no matter what end it may lead to." Well, at least he wasn't an ingrate. However, it would be much more comforting if he actually took a moment to ponder what I was getting out of all this questing, and to what ends I was working towards and how he might assist me on those endeavours. I wasn't in this business simply because I was concerned about justice and righteousness in a foreign land! Or maybe, I was ... a little. "All right. Of course, I can sense your burning desire to accomplish your mission so as to bring peace to both your lands," I remarked as nodding observantly, I noticed that while Pwyns Xjrmynq had a largely limited set of thoughts and expressions when it came about to everyday life, he did have quite some mental flexibility as far as his quest and his personal philosophy were concerned. Call that focussed and efficient, or merely an instance of blind pursuit. "However, I was thinking that maybe, even if you married this Princess, the two of you wouldn't be enough to stop the perpetual conflict. What are a pair of star-crossed lovers, even royal ones, supposed to do to get the people and the governments of either nations to simply throw aside years of hatred and resentment, abandoning their old ways for a reason no more legitimate than the reason they began fighting in the first place? You say that your name carries weight, and I certainly don't deny it (although this observation comes out of the deference the locals I observed paid to their Princess, and not on the part of Pwyns Xjrmynq of Consonance alone), but how will it stand against your parents, who are the ceremonial heads of the nation, or the government, the executive leaders of it?" "I ... er ... well ..." he stammered, very obviously baffled by that last question, although whether by the difficulty of finding an answer or by the length and wording of it had yet to be seen, "So basically, noble Xkwyr, what you are asking is whether ... whether my marriage to the Princess of this land would really solve this terrible conflict which has been plaguing our nations." Heh. For once, it was I who was unduly elaborate, and it was mister loudmouth who sought clarification and summarisation. Perhaps I should do this more of the time, in an attempt to compress his speech as often as possible. "Yes, that's what I mean," I clarified matter-of-factly, "What I'm saying is that marriage is fine if that's something the two people concerned want, but the fact is that it doesn't honestly change anything in the world, just that there now exists yet another married couple. It wouldn't even be very easy for you to make anything out of it even if you got married to her, seeing as to how you can't understand the local language. At the worst case, even if you say that you are uniting the royal families of both lands, it isn't likely to be significant if ... not that I predict it, but ... if your parents choose to abandon you for going over to the 'enemy' and disobeying them in the first place? Then you'd be stuck, and the war wouldn't stop. Have you thought about that?" "I ... um, er ... in all honesty," he stuttered, again unsure of how to reply, before drawing a breath and heaving out a number of sentences which seemed almost to pain him as they left his lips, "In all honesty, no, dear Charlotte. No, I have not given any thought to this issue at all. I sincerely believe, although your elucidating explanations have illustrated otherwise, that my marriage to the honourable and gracious Princess Uaeouue of Va World would be more than enough to demonstrate to the people of both our lands my desire for peace and unity. Yes, you might claim that a ... a 'mere' marriage achieves nothing significant, but is that not true of most symbolic gestures in the world, actions whose effects are disproportionately greater than their causes, like the waves of a ripple rolling outwards? You mentioned some time ago how we had to deal with the 'what-if's, the possible unexpected results of our actions, and the truth is that we are again dealing with many of these uncertanties here. Undoubtedly, the possibilities are always open that things may go as negatively as you say, but I am fuelled by my optimistic belief that my noble actions, on the basis of my initiative and my determination, would be sufficient to bring about the result that I long for. For what use is there in theorising without trying? My quest, therefore, is one of those attempts, the results of which I cannot predict but which I steadfastly view as the best way in which I can contribute to ending this senseless battle once and for all." At this, Pwyns Xjrmynq put his hand to his forehead for a moment almost in an attempt to soothe and steady himself, before he found whatever internal pain he was grappling with more than he could bear and, turning away, he took a seat on the sofa, still caressing his forehead, trying to absolve himself of the agony that plagued him. Sensing his misery, brought on no doubt by the difficulties my challenging of his hypothesis had dug up, I meekly sidled up to one of the smaller couches placed perpendicular to the large one where he sat and casually leaned against it, resting on my arms which lay folded on the head of its wooden frame. "I ,,, are you all right?" I whispered quietly, not seeking to agitate him more than was necessary, "I'm sorry for making you upset over your quest ..." "No, no, it is I who should apologise," he murmured, but to himself, without turning to face me, "I should not be losing my composure like this ... I acknowledge that the possibilities you have explained do make a large degree of sense, and I am ... ashamed of myself for not being able to confront them mentally. Therefore, I venture to ask you to challenge me again, so that I may steel myself and be able to face up to whatever that does happen, knowing that I am prepared for it thanks to the wise counsel of my companion and advisor Charlotte." "Right, if you wish ..." I affirmed, before continuing with what had indeed turned out to be the last question I was considering putting to him, over an issue I felt rather ... uncomfortable about. I was thinking it far too sensitive to ask someone as flippant and irrational as the blabbering and gibbering Pwyns Xjrmynq, but seeing as to how he was in a more sensible mood ... well, at your command, good sir! "My last question is, well, rather difficult to phrase and put forward to you, but ..." "Do not shy from any enquiry, faithful Xkwyr," he asserted, though not so much with strength as with despair, "You wrong me if you are not as open with me as you possibly could, and I wrong you if I do not reply you with that same honesty and truthfulness which are but the slightest demanded of someone of my status." "Okay, if you insist ..." I cautioned, before drawing in as large a breath as I could, puffing out my chest, and making that final damning assertion, "You wish to marry the Princess ... well, the Princess of this land, and the question is, do you love her?! Do you even know anything about her?! And in return, should she accept your proposal, will she love you as well? Marriage is not an issue of the pairing of one's status or standing in society, but is one that can only be sustained by the compatibility between two people who are honestly, truly, and very very deeply in love with each other. Otherwise, your marriage will only serve a functional purpose, a mere symbol, that illustrates something to the world while jeopardising both of your personal lives, something which I guarantee can only end in tragedy and tears for you and her. I understand the degree of the sacrifices which you are willing to make for the achievement of your goal ... but must you possibly ... necessarily ... ruin the life of another girl who, far from being a royal Princess, is also another person with thoughts and feelings of her own, like myself?" "I ... I never thought about that ..." he murmured, before falling into a silence from which he looked unlikely to snap out of for a very long time. "It isn't all touch and go, this quest of yours. Marriage is a question of compatibilities and relationships, not functionality and purpose ... they don't get married so something happens, they get married because they just want to!" I exhorted, almost breaking into a spree of crusading as my seeming anathema for injustice extended to my companions as to the rest of the world, "I know it's disheartening of me to pre-empt you like these with all these thoughts and nuances about things that might never happen, but ... isn't it similarly foolish not to give them any thought beforehand? I'm not trying to dissuade you or anything, but I hope you are thinking about it ..." "I am ... I definitely am!" he insisted spiritlessly, before returning to that doleful melancholy of his, "But I am already too far into my quest to back out ... and I shall not! My only regret is that I was never open with anyone about my intentions, so that they could correct my errors, until I met you, one who is not just a follower but also an adviser and a defender. Stay with me, Charlotte, my faithful companion, and together we will see the end of our noble quest through!" So. It felt uplifting ... positively wonderful to be depended upon, and no longer by one who took your presence for granted but one who was now willing to take your counsel, to correct themselves, and to return that same degree of faith one begins to examine oneself for, searching oneself to see whether one did ever make such a generous gesture. Next to this feeling, the promises of rewards and treasure were nothing. Well, they were more tangible ... but they didn't make one feel as good as a confession like this did. I was about to extend a word of comfort when a sharp rap struck across the door of the room, one which barely sounded like the thump of a metal gauntlet like the ones the guards were wearing. Was someone else here? "Pwyns Xjrmynq, heir to the throne of Consonance and quester for the hand of the fair Princess in marriage," snarled someone outside in a malicious, barbed tone which sounded nothing like the harsh gruffness of the guards, and little more similar to my companion's slick, refined tone, "Pwyns Xjrmynq, and his lady companion, I presume? Opem the door!" "W ... what do you want?" I yelped as I leapt from my position, reclining against the head of one of the chairs. Was this the 'higher authority' they were speaking of? Noticing my friend's distressed state, and the obvious fact that he was not in the comprehending of the local language, I took it upon me to reply to this less than courteous character. "Why, none other than the person appointed to apprehend the two of you, of course!" the voice replied sneeringly, disdainful even of my inoffensive reply, "Enemy of criminals, fearsome bounty hunter, famed adventurer, intrepid explorer ..." "Who is it?" "The bold, the grand, the great ... Io Aoi." Huh? What? Now who is this unnecessarily nasty and utterly distasteful character? And how much regard are you interested in showing this unfriendly person? 31. Well, pardon me, but you could be more pleasant with your introductions. 32. And do I care? No. Get stuffed. - You rad ventu reend she re ... huh?- posted by Charlotte | 3:51 pm (0) comments Monday, March 08, 2004 - The Wayward, Part VIII.ii - 26. Nope, nobody that I know. Figment of your imagination. "Well ..." I pondered for a moment before coming to the all-too-obvious situation, "Look, I've only been in this ... this world for a few hours or so. I haven't heard of you in my life, let alone seen you! What gave you such a weird idea?" "I don't know ..." Io Aoi chuckled heartily as he gave himself a quick pat on his back, "I was just wondering if you'd known anything about me before. Sometimes, the name of the famous explorer Io Aoi can exceed the limits of his knowledge." Huh. And apparently, so can his self-confidence. "Seriously, I know as much about you as I do about ... um ..." No names were available on my mind at this point in time, largely because ... there weren't any! Except for maybe ... what's her name? I reached into my pocket for her neatly, surely professionally painted and framed portrait. "About this Princess ... what's-her-name?" "The Princess Uaeouue," he explained, before shooting me a rather displeased glance, "Not anything else. While I'm quite flattered by your comparison, as a representative of the crown I won't tolerate any rudeness to a member of the royal family, thank you very much." "I ... I wasn't being rude! The fact is, well, I don't know any other names!" I yelped, seeking not to offend him in ways which his attitude did not naturally deserve, "Like I said, I've only been here for a few hours or so. Don't blame me for it!" "Oh, I'm not blaming you or anything. If anyone's going to be hostile toward you, it might be those guards at the Palace, but it won't be me," he added with a knowing grin, before continuing on a little more lightheartedly, "Anyway, it's likely that I'm more well known than the Princess herself! Maybe everyone in Va World is familiar with both of our names, but at least quite a lot of Va World has seen me at some point in their lives, while I hear that the Princess hasn't made any public appearances for nearly a decade!" "So much for disrespect to the crown, eh?" I smirked, glancing back at my silent friend half-expecting a word of support. "I ... don't quote me on that," he stammered uneasily as he fumbled with the reins, nearly dropping them despite his equestrian proficiency, "Although, why a member of the royalty would make a public appearance as a child but not as a teenager is quite beyond me." I didn't disagree with him on that one. He fell silent, dwelling on this rather inconsequential fact as we passed the precipice where I had first found myself, confused and miserably. And now? I wasn't feeling any less bewildered, but I was thankful at the fact that there was someone out there who was willing to offer me a trip back to civilisation to rediscover my way home, not to mention the novelty of having a rather unworldly companion who was deferrent to me. The sun having risen quite a bit higher into the sky since I last glanced in its general direction, the rays were now so focussed that it became painful to glance back to enjoy the scenery I had savoured, at least for a while, back at the beginning of it all. I peeked in the other direction, to catch sight of a rustic yet well-maintained farmyard, the lovely crops glistening with pastoral charm, yet cringing helplessly under the oppression of the increasingly harsh and merciless reign of the sun. Noticing the lull in conversation, a rather unusual feature given Io Aoi's tendency to boast and brag about his achievements or to lay heavily patronising remarks upon any who did not share his illustrious status, which is to say, non-male, I sensed that something was wrong with him in his silence and ventured a question so as to gauge his feelings. "Um ... you were saying, about the Princess?" I murmured quietly, not too sure of how he would respond. "Huh? Oh, no, nothing ... I was just thinking," he muttered, before posing a question in return, possibly to lift the burden of thought from his shoulders, "Anyway, I thought it was your turn to reply. Do you have anything to say about that, or are there any questions you want to ask?" "Well ... yes, actually. Something important," I replied, noticing how he had only spoken up after the last bit of fence from the cliffside farm had disappeared past the sides of the carriage, to be replaced with hedges encircling a gradually decreasing piece of land, wherein stood a house of brick or wood not dissimilar from the little homestead situated in the middle of the farm. In other words, we were entering an urban area. "Just where are we going?" The obvious question needed no further suggestions. "This road leads into the town of Ouaiie ("What did you say?")," explained Io Aoi patiently, turning about to illustrate things to me a little more personally while leaving his horse unattended. Quite a dangerous move, but one without much repercussions as the animal seemed to have knowledge of the appropriate speed to travel at, and how to avoid pedestrians and allow them to cross the road, "Yes, I know you mightn't be familiar with it, because it's actually quite a remote town in our country. Remote, but a very busy place in itself because it's like the gathering point of all the farming activities carried out in the whole area around it. As you might guess, I don't live here, but I pass through here often because it's the closest town to some of the places of my greatest adventures. It's famous for not much more than being a port village that's the centre of trade in all kinds of food, like fish gathered by fishermen out at sea, or the sweet milk that's said to be even creamier than butter, or even the famous rosy red Ouaiie apples, more beautifully crimson than the dearest maiden's cheeks ... not that I would really consider anything more dear than a maiden who's fair and willing, of course, but ..." As he was about to go off tangent into yet another one of his rants about his manly desires, I could not help but allow a rather dissatisfied grumble to emanate from me, which cut him short in the middle of his speech. "Fair maidens shouldn't grumble so much, you know that?" he jested rather crudely, his toothy grin a rather stark contrast to the stares of worried passers-by that were wondering how long a horse drawing a carriage could go without being driven until it met with an accident. "I'm not grumbling about your silly remarks, I'm used to them. It's just that ..." I sighed, to another chuckle from the captain of chauvinism himself, before he gasped in mock horror as another angry rumble from within me set the atmosphere trembling, "It's just that I haven't eaten all morning! Aren't you going to, like, stop for breakfast or anything? You promised, you know!" "Haha ... yes, I did promise," Io Aoi replied while stifling a hollering guffaw, "But I was going to stop at the next town, actually. However, seeing as to how it's a long way onward, and I don't want the quakes from your stomach shaking my carriage to pieces ("... sorry ..."), I guess we could stop here for a while. Since Ouaiie is a great nexus of agriculture, there shouldn't be any doubt that it's also a great place for food. There's a eatery in the middle of town that provides take-out meals for travellers too hurried to stay around, so we could get something from there." "Really? Great! I'll ..." I was about to continue before a resonant shockwave which would have set both Richter and Mercalli shivering in their graves rang out from deep within me. Unfortunately, having stifled my hunger for so long with the delicious yet intangible taste of adventure, my unsatiated and dissatisfied digestive system would no longer hold back its grievances against me for depriving it so. "I'll just sit here ... and try not to ... grumble ..." "Hehehe ... no worries. The only thing is ..." Again, Io Aoi was about to continue but he was again cut short, thankfully not by a seismic wave sending him tumbling out of his seat but by the sudden shudder of the carriage to a halt as the horse stopped in the middle of town. "Hi ho, Iiuuaa! Holla! Stop right there!" The middle of town? I had been so busy conversing with him, and worrying about my stomach, that I hadn't given much thought to the evolving scenery around me. And I was certainly overawed when I finally glanced to my sides, and took in the sights of ... what was its name? Being in the middle of a medieval world, it was no surprise that I happened to be in the middle of a medieval township. But what a surprise it was, having never encountered one outside of storybooks and full-motion animated videos. The town's crossroads was a hive of bustling activity as people walked about, bearing items ranging from baskets to books, all engaged in their own indiscernible activities like ants wandering around their nest. Shopping, trading, or simply meeting friends and getting a meal? All of these were possible, for not only were there people with all these intentions, but the village certainly had the facilities for it all. One lane which seemed to lead downhill served as a marketplace, teeming with people buying and selling all manner of goods, while the road itself ended in a port where fishermen landed to unload their daily catch. Another road had an inn or a tavern of some sort situated along it, something easily discerned from the presence of that familiar sign just above its door. A large building, not magnificent but definitely grander than the rest about it stood before us, bearing a dome and a spire like some kind of mayoral office or town hall. And in the centre of the crossroads, the centre of it all, there stood a fountain cheerfully bubbling with sparkling and crystal clear water, so clean that passers-by found no problems in taking a sip directly from it. Having seen the desolated laboratory situated in the middle of the wilderness, this return to civilisation was more than welcome ... and more than impressing. Directing his horse carefully, this time slightly more challenging due to the large numbers of pedestrians and the occasional fellow carriage passing through, Io turned his carriage into one of the lanes and stopped outside a place that looked not too much unlike an eatery, showcasing all manner of hot meals, snacks and titbits in its sizable shop-panel window (it obviously being difficult to acquire large panels of glass without advanced technology or a large infusion of capital), and its swing doors occasionally flapped open to allow a customer to enter or for one to leave, contentedly caressing their bellies or picking away at meals wrapped in old news papers in their hands. It looks good. Hungry. Hungry! "Great, now that we're here ..." Io Aoi began as the carriage shuddered to a halt, the horse taking the opportunity to enjoy a nibble from a patch of grass peeking through a crack in the tarred road, "How much gold have you got on you?" "G ... gold?" I stammered, the shockwaves from my stomach stilled by this new shock running through my skull, "I ... why would I have gold on me? And even if I did, why would I carry it around?" 'Well ..." he murmured as his face contorted into an unusual grimace which showed that once again, I was missing out on something commonly thought to be obvious in this foreign world I had appeared in, "To ... buy ... stuff?" "To buy stuff? You buy stuff with ... gold?" I gasped, eyes bulging from their sockets. Three theories were available, firstly, that 'gold' was just a common slang for money, secondly, that gold was merely the largest denomination of cash available, thirdly, that this 'gold' he spoke of was indeed the precious metal we know, only traded in very small proportions or in impure alloys like medieval people really did in ancient times. Unfortunately, judging from his expression, none of these hypotheses seemed to be correct. "I ... don't have any ... it's really precious where I come from. It's nearly the most precious thing around, and obviously I'm not rich enough to actually have any of it." Not that I would trade it, even if I did, for 'gold' seemed to bear very little value in this world. The only other thing I had that was valuable, other than myself (of course!) was that ring the creature had given to me earlier, but it didn't look too valuable, and seeing as to how it opened the specially locked laboratory room, it was likely that it served a purpose beyond mere ornamentation. "That's probably the weirdest thing I've heard out of you so far," he confessed rather bemusedly, that bewildered expression not concealing any of his sentiments, "If there's anything we and the enemy Consonance can agree upon, it's our currency, and if you don't have any of it you must really be from somewhere ... somewhere far away." "No doubt about it ..." I shrugged, before an issue of concern surged across my mind, "But ... you're the one who's supposed to provide for me, anyway, since you're under orders to take me to the Palace. And you're also going to buy your own breakfast later, surely you've got some of this gold on you?" "I ... er ... heh heh ..." Io Aoi stammered as he reached into a pouch on his belt to pull out ... a rusty iron nail looking similar to those used to hammer the boards of the carriage together, "I didn't say I was 'buying' myself breakfast, did I? I certainly wouldn't expect a well-dressed, prim and proper young lady like yourself to be absolutely skinflint!" "And I certainly wouldn't expect a boastful, chauvinistic, trash-talking, straw hat-wearing 'intrepid explorer' like your self to be absolutely broke either!" I retorted, irked not merely by the fact that he had no money on him but more so by how he planned to lift his meals off from someone, "Look, you're an adventurer! You've told me about how you put down rampaging beasts and apprehend dangerous criminals and ... heck, right now you're doing an errand for people who live in a Palace! Surely you've got some money on you!" "What are you thinking? You've obviously never lived a life of adventure before!" he complained resentfully, making an observation that was very much true but was also very much irrelevant, "I'm an adventurer, not a hunter or a poacher! I don't sell animals or bits of them for a living. And yeah, I do get paid for nabbing crooks and bandits, but do you know how much I spend just preparing myself to make a successful arrest without them getting away? And yes, you're right, I will get paid for bringing all this stuff back to the Palace ... but not until I actually get there! Adventurers are people who struggle just to earn their two meals a day, not rich nobles who can sit back and bask in their wealth. If I was rich, do you still think that I'd be going out, slogging away under the hot sun and dealing with uncooperative people like you?" "Oh, all right! I get the point! You can't even afford to buy a miserable little girl breakfast because you're poor!" I sighed, utterly exasperated, to a huff of affirmation from the explorer himself (' ... wait, did you just insult me?'). He must be a terrible economist, if he accepted jobs that paid only as much money as he spent on the jobs themselves. "But I'm still hungry! I want food! If you don't have money, at least you should have something on you which you brought to eat along the way! Give me some!" At other times, this might have been a totally inappropriate and insensible demand, but my stomach was raging, I was hungry, and I didn't care about rhythm or reason. As a roar that sounded like a cross between thunder and a frog being strangled echoed throughout the carriage, Io Aoi mournfully decided that he had to do something, if not for the sake of his sanity then for the sake of the integrity of his carriage. "Oh, all right, you leave me no choice!" he groaned in frustration, "I know of a nice lady around here who'd give us a free meal, but I'd rather not bother her ..." "You mean a lady who's nice enough to give you a free lunch would bother you more than I'm bothering you now?" I snarled, a fearsome beast on the prowl having already picked up the slightest of scents of a meal, "Let's go now, please! For the sake of me and my good friend over here!" Io Aoi glanced at the robed creature behind me, still resting there noiselessly and seemingly oblivious to my gastronomical torment ... not like gastronomy was something that looked to be one of its interests, before bowing his head dismayedly and seizing hold of the reins once again. Executing a rather difficult turn in the middle of the crowded street (considering the pedestrians, the other road traffic, and the unequal mobilities of the carriage and its power source), Io directed the horse back to the fountain at the crossroads, to return to the road that we had travelled on, all the way from the ruined laboratory at its end. And still, even as the large vehicle was cutting its way through a small stream of people crossing the road, Io Aoi kept his head bowed, mulling about something more important than traffic safety. "I ... I'm sorry if I was rather unreasonable about it, but ..." I stammered as, having temporarily recovered from my frenzied quest for food, I feared the inane way I went about it might have addled the wretched man some, "Are you all right? What's eating you?" "It's just something personal, really ..." he murmured without turning back to face me, "And thinking about it just got me wondering ..." "About what? Maybe I could help," I offered, hoping to be able to stem any wrongs that I had inadvertantly spawned. "Heh, nothing much. Nothing like what you might be thinking," he remarked, chuckling a little, but still avoiding my glance, only watching me mischievously out of the corner of his eye, "I was just wondering why I'm doing all this for you." "I think I might know," I sniggered softly, but rather humourlessly, as his dull expression swelled into an inscrutable grin. Your choice. Lead or mislead, take or mistake. Make or unmake, derstand or understand. 29. I'm still a prisoner! It's your responsibility to provide for me! 30. Don't imprison yourself! You just feel responsible for others! - An advertising offer for tour agencies' farm-stay packages ... Your ad : Venture and shear! - posted by Charlotte | 3:50 pm (0) comments Sunday, March 07, 2004 - A Way with Words, Part VIII.ii - 24. The book? The book ... you don't mean ... no ...! "Aei ... I'm warning you ..." I stammered as I did my very best to back away from her, advancing upon me bearing a menacing grin of malice, "I haven't lost my temper yet ... I get violent when I'm cornered, you know!" "Don't be stupid, I'm not cornering you!" she giggled as, despite her words, she continued to edge her way toward me at a pace faster than I was edging away from her, "I just think you need ... a makeover, since you're going to have to pose as the Princess." "A makeover?" I yelped, practically gagging. Was she really serious? All those jokes on the way to town, then in the middle of talking to her friends in the town, and now ... was she really going to do something to me? I didn't mind the idea of getting a new look, but it was preferable that I be safe back where I belong at the time, and that makeover not be done by a psychopathic, maniacal little kid with a penchant for satirism. "Y ... you're not going to touch me! I don't care how nice you think you can make me, I'm not putting anything else on ... or taking anything off, for that matter!" "My, you're really taking this personally, aren't you?" she murmured in a tone of bemusement, before turning on me again with that same sinister smile, "It can't hurt, really. Since you're not from around here, why not take my advice on how to dress your best. You don't know anything about the Princess, do you?" "Well, no, I don't ... but neither do you! You said so yourself!" I retorted, very much distraught, "I'm not a whore! This is my body, and I'm very possessive of it! It's not some toy for you to ... to practice on! Don't you even dare!" "Sigh, all right, fine ... I guess I'll respect your wish ... for now," she sighed as, folding her arms defensively, she finally let off pursuing me, "I was figuring something like this might happen, since you're the difficult, repressed, and unreasonably prudish sort." She turned about to fetch something, something which she had left on the corner table beside the sofa. "What do you mean by that? Do you mean that you live an incredibly more liberal and easygoing life than I do?" I protested, hurt and unnerved by her remarks, "Or is your unmannerly behaviour with me the product of a life constricted by suppression and limitation?" "Yeah, yeah, enough with the witty comebacks and retorts and over-the-head psychoanalyses ..." she murmured as she retrieved the object she had left, and returned to smile toothily at me. You mean they had psychoanalysis in this medieval world? "I'm glad I brought this book from the library back there. I was thinking that you wouldn't want me to do you up anything nice ... *sniff* what wasted talent *sniff sniff* ... so it's best that if you decide not to look like royalty, you should at least sound like it! That's what this book is about!" "And, pardon me, but what does it say on the front?" I asked, utterly clueless as to the written language of the people here. Perhaps Aei had explained it to me a while back, but staring at its front as she held its base with both hands, the ornate and elaborate runes were utterly indiscernible to even my deepest ciphering skills. "'How to Sound A Right and Royal'," she declared, taking a peek at its front before returning it to my view, "Since you're the Royal Princess, you should sound like ... like a Royal sort of person. Doesn't that make sense?" "But I sound perfectly fine the way I am!" I insisted unhappily, "And the title of that book doesn't even sound right. Don't you mean 'How to Sound Upright and Royal'? A book publisher wouldn't be so careless as to leave a typographical error right on the cover!" "Huh? No, I said, 'How to Sound A Right and Royal' ... hey, you're right, it doesn't make sense!" that realisation coming a little too late, she grasped the top of the book tightly and stared right into its cover ... "Oh, I misread it. It's actually 'How to Sound A Right and Royal ... Twit'?" Uh, what? "You know, Aei, I feel perfectly honoured that I actually need training in such a ... not a discipline ... such a thing!" I groaned as I planted my face into my hands in my misery. And I felt that I should do more, such as falling to pieces like a shattered vase, if only to dissipate the effects of such a mind-numbing farce. "Honoured, of course! A Princess is supposed to be an honourable person!" she giggled as she thumbed through the book, the contents of which, of course, I could not understand, "Anyway ... maybe this book was written by some anti-aristocratic commoner who was trying to make some money out of something of human interest. Surely he wouldn't have thought that it would actually come in useful!" "What, you're really going to use that thing?"I gasped as she mouthed a few words and made some unusual hand gestures, before opening its pages to me and proceeding to instruct me in the language of royalty ... royal twittiness. "Right! Your first lesson, dear Princess," she began cheerily as she waved a knowing finger ... before gazing at my vacant expression and realising that there really wasn't a point in opening the book to me seeing as to how there were no pictures, "All right, try something like this. Change all your words to things like ... like thee, and thou. I shouldn't need to explain it to you because you've read some books where they use those words ... um ... there are books where you come from, right?" "Well, of course there are books! We're not illiterate, or enjoy carrying slabs of engraved stone around with us!" I retorted, realising that making fun of other people's cultures was a natural response between foreigners, "And ... but nobody really talks like that, do they?" "No, but ... if you want to make yourself stand out, and sound profound and mighty, you should try," she asserted. Oh heck, since this whole Princess thing was a joke is it already was, I guess there wasn't much harm in making it even more ridiculous than it already was. "And you can try referring to yourself in the third person, and use lots of long words, and sound ... really strange. There's a list of examples in this book ... I could read it out for you if you wanted." "Nay, we must decline thy humble offer," I replied nonchalantly in a voice as emotionless as possible, difficult considering how inside of me I was on the verge of bursting with either shame or laughter, "We do perceive the great extent of our abilities in extending the degrees of our conversation to such a level, and therefore thy assistance, well-intentioned as it may be, would be unnecessary." "W ... wha ... wow! I can't believe it!" Aei gasped as she drew back in surprise, dropping the book on the floor in the process as she gaped at me, trying my hardest to stifle laughter and groaning simultaneously, "You're good at this! Are you a princess in the world where you come from, too?" "Gah! I can't stand this! No, no, no, no, no!!" I screamed as Aei got on her knees and made several grovelling bows out of respect of the incredible magnificence of yours truly, "It's just that ... we learn stuff like this in school, where we read books where people speak like that! I'm not royalty or anything, it's just something we're taught!" "Oh, so they're teaching you to be a royal person?" Aei inquired coyly as I smacked my face into the arm of the couch in horror, "Great, so you have the lessons, and now you can put what you've learned into practice!" "No, you ... you doofus!" I whined as she continued grinning at me in that inscrutably mischievous fashion, "We learn it in school because ... because it's something interesting to learn and remember, but it's not something to be used! It's just something to know, so you can understand when people talk like that ... in books! It's not like people go to school to be trained to be nobles, you know!" "Hehehe ... you're so good at this, darling, that you don't even need to go to school to be royal," Aei giggled, rolling on the floor and practically in tears. Evidently, it was obvious who was enjoying this ridiculous shot at royalty more. "So we don't need this book, then. Just sound like that to everyone, and you're set!" "You can't make me!" I hissed defensively as I retreated to hide myself behind the arm of the couch, "I'm the one doing the talking, and if I don't want to there's nothing you can do about it!" "But ... but surely you want to be as convincing a Princess as possible, if you want to get home, right?" she sniggered evilly, while stuffing the book into a dress pocket. "And I won't be, if you insist on me sounding like a royal twit!" I snarled, baring a pair of finely sharpened canines. "Honestly, no body around here knows what a truly royal person sounds like, so you might as well follow what the book says," she argued rather vehemently, though unconvincingly. Why should I trust a book that had 'twit' as part of its title? "And don't forget, you're not supposed to be responding to 'Princess', so you should have that something ... something in your speech, that makes you special!" Well, all right, she had a point there. But it was seriously damaging to my mental health to actually attempt to consistently speak in such a ridiculous manner. Speaking of a convenient opportunity, however ... "Princess? My good Princess, are you there?" that same matronly voice rang out from behind the door, accompanied by a series of stuttering raps upon the door, "I'm sorry if I was interrupting anything, but ... you see, we are short of time ..." "Um, er, just hold on a ... eep ..." I was about to reply in full when Aei shot me a rather critical glance which meant ... unfortunately, my reflexive reaction had overriden the strict and direct requirements of our master plan, not to reply to any summons by that particular title. Right, so I goofed. "Look, it's no problem with me if you want to play the part in full," Aei hissed, glancing at me sideways, "But at least be honest about it and stop lying to me as to your intentions." "I ... that wasn't intentional!" I protested helplessly knowing that I had been careless again, "But we should be going now. We shouldn't be keeping that lady waiting any more than is absolutely necessary, with all your ridiculous attempts to change the way I behave!" "I don't need to attempt it!" she asserted with a childlike huffiness, "You're already good enough at it! Now go out and show your skill!" "No, I shan't," I huffed similarly as I glanced away in that same childlike argumentativeness. "You should!" she demanded insistently. "I shan't!" "Should!" "Princess ... is there anything wrong? We have a very pressing matter at hand here, and it would be much appreciated if you could ... well ..." the lady outside stammered uneasily, "If you could make haste ..." "See what you're doing by acting so difficult!" Aei sniffed as she spat accusingly at me, "You're making her wait even longer! Not being very considerate, are you?" "Look, I just want to set this straight, all right?" I decided to put my foot down on the issue as I got on my feet to glare down on the still childishly persistent girl, "I'm not a Princess. But, if I'm supposed to pretend to be a Princess, that is pretending not to be a Princess, doesn't it make sense that I not sound like a Princess?" "I don't understand your circular argument," she grumbled as she got up from the sofa and returned that resentful stare, before turning away, "But it's not nice to keep that pleasant lady waiting, so ..." "So ... hey, wait! No ... don't!" I yelped and reached out to grasp her, but it was too late as with her speediness, she dashed around the couch and for the doorway, turning the doorknob and yanking the heavy wooden door open ... "I ... oh, I am sorry ...!" the lady outside cried as she stood in the newly opened doorway, her fist still raised to rap on the door once again. She was rather tall, her height accentuated by her neatly sculpted hairstyle, and while she wore a somewhat plain and modest dress it did not do sufficiently much to conceal a buxom figure hiding beneath the folds of cloth. What such a young lady in the bloom of health was doing confining herself to servitude inside an empty and almost unfunctioning town hall was beyond me. "Were you in the midst of something, your highness?" "No, I ..." I stammered, only to be cut off once again by that knowing and reminding glare peeking out from behind the door, "Nothing ..." "She's fine, don't worry about her one bit. We were just having a short discussion, and now we're ready to go," declared Aei on my behalf as she sprang out from behind the door, "You are, aren't you, Charlotte?" "Yes, I ..." And that glare again. What did I do this time? Oh ... all right, fine, anything to get out of this charade and on with the rest of the show. Taking in a deep breath and sucking in my stomach, I began afresh, "Indeed, we are ... sufficiently prepared ..." I ... for a lack of a better word, 'proclaimed' ... from behind the couch. This unusual way of operating surely made me wonder who was supposed to be the one of the higher rank here. What is more, Charlotte was not one who would refer to herself as 'we', and the oddness and absurdity of it all was utterly unnerving. What was sickening to the throat, however, was the way Aei responded to my change of expression by transforming her glare into that saccharine smile, and clenching her fist hidden by her side in a sign of victory. "Aei, don't you think it's best that you ..." the lady stuttered, obviously not having encountered such a farcical situation before in her life, "you ... take your leave? We don't want your presence to be a burden to the Princess." "I'm no burden at all!" she replied with that same childish insistence, planting her hands on her hips, "Right, Charlotte?" So that was my cue to chime along. "Certainly ... not a burden in the slightest," I repeated dryly as I advanced from behind the couch, the lady pointing out the path for me, gesturing with her hand. Well, though at times I felt that I really wanted her to leave, the truth is that I needed her assistance and guidance in getting through this ordeal in a foreign land, no matter how twisted and deluded it may, at times, seem, "Let us take our leave, good lady, it would do best not to tarry any longer." "Er ... aye ..." she acknowledged rather timorously, as a gleam of curiosity lit up in her eyes at the sound of that intriguing medieval tone, "Do step this way ..." With a grin of approval from Aei, who kept up behind me, it seemed that my twittering attempt at sounding impressive had taken off after all. And so I followed closely behind the lady, who led us back through the mazelike pandemonium of the town hall. Verily, thou hast truly mastered the commendable feat of speaking profoundly, one which even the greatest of imbeciles Pwyns Xjrmynq himself would be sore pressed to match. To continue thy valiant quest, do peruse the following chapter : 28. Princess, thee enthusiastically en-thou-ed - "You Shall Not Pass! I Am Invincible!" - the nameless Black Knight, shortly after arm-less and leg-less - posted by Charlotte | 3:50 pm (0) comments Disclaimer : The Slayers and Filia Ul Copt and all images thereof are the property of Hajime Kanzaka and Rui Araizumi. I don't own any of them, although if I had a choice I would want Filia ... ~//n_n\\7 |
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