Where chaos stops and more chaos ensues. Where Filia plays the electric keyboard.
Where anything goes.
-//o_O\\7 *Home of the Awful, Mediocre and Pathetic* -//u_u\\7
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Where chaos stops and more chaos ensues. Where Filia plays the electric keyboard. Where anything goes. -//o_O\\7 *Home of the Awful, Mediocre and Pathetic* -//u_u\\7 |
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Saturday, February 07, 2004 - War of Words, Part V.i - 15. Taste steel, you villain! Perfect. Just wonderful. There I was in the middle of the town square, with two heavy polearm-bearing guards doing their best to cut me to pieces, while I only had a massively heavy sword I hadn't even attempted to swing yet as a weapon. And while that was happening, my comrade had ... "Scarpered?" murmured the right guard as he paused at his position, glancing around to catch sight of the now apparently missing Pwyns Xjrmynq, "I wonder where he would have gone ..." "Probably," replied the left guard as he thrust his spear at me, penentrating the air as he attempted to skewer a helplessly fleeing Charlotte, "You could give me some help with this pest here ..." 'Pest'? What the ... in the first place, why in the world were two (hopefully) sensible guards, doing their duty, trying hard to dice a poor little girl like luncheon meat on a platter? Well, I understand how some little girls could be extremely irritating without actually doing anything, and how some little girls could be hazardous to your health and welfare if you left a window of opportunity open, but seriously, did I look the sort? Well, sure, I did have a dirty great sword with me, but what was the point when I didn't even attempt to unsheathe it, let alone attempt an offence with it. But that temporary surge of strength that occurs whenever the body finds itself under threat was taking effect, and now I found that at least, I could actually run while holding that monstrous thing. Or perhaps it was because, encumbered by his heavy armour, the spearman had difficulty pursuing a nimble little child like me (with a heap of dead weight in her hands). Nevertheless, despite his slow pace, his hands were deft with the spear and it became increasingly exhausting to dodge a variety of techniques at skewering me, bludgeoning me, or just cracking my skull open. Thankfully, he never thought of throwing his weapon, which would have certainly rewarded him with a rather impressive trophy fit for stuffing and mounting in a glass cabinet. But his persistent attempts proved their worth as fatigue took its toll on me. As he closed in, I was forced to run backwards so that I would be able to see the target of his thrusts, and while I saw that last one I was just that little too slow for him, and he caught the space between my arm and my body. Perilously stunned for that one moment, my thoughts lost contact with my feet, and I fumbled, falling backwards and rolling on the ground at a speed enhanced by the inertia of the oversized piece of weaponry I lugged. Not really expecting me to fall so dramatically the guard's spear-arm slowed for a few moments, and as I rolled over and recovered I tasted the salt of dust off the gravelly ground on my lips, and found myself to be unhurt. But I could run no longer, and as the guard readied his spear for the killing thrust I knew the only choice I had was to fight back, with whatever weapons I had. Now ... how do I open this thing? Damn it! Grr ... is there a lock or a catch somewhere? Do you need to say any magic words? Is the stupid thing just stuck? Not only is it heavy and ugly, but it would be positively useless as well if it wouldn't open! And if I didn't hurry, I would quickly be staked fit for a barbeque. Desperately, I whacked it against the ground with as much of what little might I had that I could spare to try to get the scabbard loose ... to no avail! Was this the end of our spunky, fast-talking and unnecessarily unlucky heroine? The spear quivered in his hand as he ... well ... hesitated. Maybe it finally got to him that it certainly wasn't the most chivalrous thing to go about slaughtering helpless little girls. Or maybe it was that children didn't exactly make the most delicious of fireside treats. If he had an expression on his face of some sort, I couldn't see it, but it certainly could have helped in discerning what he was thinking. Nevertheless, it was my chance ... not to escape or to fight since I could no longer do either, but maybe, since the guard could understand me but not Pwyns Xjrmynq ... "Um ... well ... could we talk it out a bit, first?" I stammered, understandably quivering in every fibre that held my body together. Perhaps 'Aah! Don't kill me!' didn't really sound like the most appropriate thing to say at this time, if nothing then to avoid providing him with suggestions. "... ..." He didn't reply. Or if he did, it was too soft to be audible. "What's the matter? Can't talk if your buddy doesn't chime along?" I pointed out, before clamping my hand over my talkative mouth a bit too late. It isn't a good idea to taunt people who are about to deal you a gruesome and bloody death. Just my luck, as the other guard who had been standing there apparently aimlessly turned around to face his companion. "Compatriot!" exclaimed the right guard, as he waved his poleaxe about, "Why do you hesitate? The only punishment for treachery is death! Is it so difficult to execute a weak, pathetic, miserable and utterly useless little girl?" Oh great, so they were intending to kill me anyway. Come on, drive it in about how worthless I am. "Comrade!" replied the left guard, his spear still quivering in his hand, "Why do you rebuke me? The spying foreigner must be eliminated! Shouldn't you concentrate on your own target before criticising me aobut mine?" Oh joy, so that worthless Pwyns Xjrmynq had really scarpered. Come on, look at him before you call me a traitor. "It seems that he may have slipped into the crowd," observed the right guard as he hoisted his weapon, "After you kill her, why don't you help me search the town for him?" "That looks like the most likely option," concluded the left guard, still training his spear on me, "Since you aren't doing anything, why not join me in punishing this traitor?" "Indeed ..." Um, this doesn't look good. "Alright!" No, it definitely doesn't. "Aah! Don't kill me!" Now, those were the only words left to be said, as the other guard raised his poleaxe and charged for me. How many blows of either weapon does it really take to put an end to the sad life of an unarmoured, undefended kid? Many, to make it satisfactory enough, it seems. The head of a well-sharpened spear struck the gravel where I was lying barely moments ago. Perhaps that short pause as the guards conversed allowed me rest enough to gain a little mobility. I rolled on the ground, then with the aid of the worthless weapon I was carrying I thrust myself upright by digging its tip into the ground as I rolled, forcing me upright. I hopped a little to avoid a slash to my left, before grabbing the sword again in my arms to do what little I could at the moment ... to run until my legs gave way again. If I had any more sense I would have ditched the weapon once I realised that I couldn't use it, and if I was more aware of the pain that was running through my throbbing legs I would have given up to beg for mercy, but adrenaline blinded me to it all. Or was it fear that did so? Anyway, I kept running as fast as possible ... until again, a little too late, I realised something. That I was running right into the striking range of the other guard, as he raised the poleaxe for the all-too-belated killing blow. Split-second decision making here. If I dodged left or right, his arm would follow me so that the blade remained aimed toward my head but no longer allowing me the time to dodge again. If I leapt backwards, he would probably sweep my legs off, plus I would be speared through the heart with my original pursuer still hot on my heels. If I lunged forward, his blade would miss me but the falling pole would probably take my consciousness. Which meant ... I saw this in a samurai movie once. I hope it works. In the most daring move of my little life yet, I raised both my hands, clutching each end of the sword, to the skies to deflect the falling blow. Perhaps it was the physics of it, but the guard seemed to have difficulty breaking my pedestal of protection as wood met metal and would travel no further, while the axe head hung precariously, but safely, just a little behind my head. Safe. Safe? And with my mysterious hidden third eye that must have been grafted to the back of my head some time ago, I spotted the spear aiming for my skull from behind me. Or maybe, probably, it was sheer luck. I ducked while still keeping the sword aloft, and the surprised spearman who had previously expected a new skull to ordain his collection suddenly found that it would be his partner's, his weapon heading directly for the other's head. "Yikes!" cried the right guard. "Argh!" cried the left guard. "Uwaa ..." I really wanted to cry. I couldn't keep up with this charade much longer. Before I knew it, I was lying on the floor concussed, my head bludgeoned by neither spear nor halberd but by the hilt of an extremely and unecessarily heavy sword. The guards' weapons lay to either side of me as both fell to the ground kneeling, nursing their emotions in what could have turned out to be a very nasty scene. We probably let go of all our weapons at once, thus ensuring that nobody was slain, either intentionally or not, and also that they all fell on top of poor little me thus ensuring that I cluttered to the floor in a miserable heap. While I lay on the floor, unable to act or to say anything, the right guard who formerly wielded a poleaxe reached his gloved hand forward, and placed it on the the toes of one of my boots. "You've been captured," he muttered breathlessly as he clutched it tightly, squashing my toes mercilessly. Wheezing, the only thing I could whisper was "Thank heavens." "By the way," he added, surprisingly enough considering how his partner follows up with something else first, "You ought to wear a pair of stockings." W ,,, what? What did he mean by that? Just how was I lying on the floor? And ... I couldn't move. Oh, good heavens. And where was Pwyns Xjrmynq, at a time when I actually needed him. Not wanted him, at least, that much is for sure. Congratulations! You survived your first battle! Level up! Charlotte is now a Level 2 Swords-girl! Hooray! Huzzah! Whoop-de-doo! - Your adventure failed to end here - posted by Charlotte | 3:15 pm (0) comments Friday, February 06, 2004 Sure, it's only been three pieces of writing, but they're fairly long ones ... worthy of a short break, should I say? But then again quantity isn't the same as quality, but if you want to read it then that's the way I write it, a lot at once while I still have the inspiration and the endurance within me. Even so, however, it's a bit too soon to continue blabbering on in a vain attempt to rank Final Fantasy so as a breather, maybe I shall make a rant again. It's not about Final Fantasy, thankfully. It's about life without Final Fantasy. Shock! Horror! Is there such a thing? I cannot fathom it ... honestly, I found it impossible to think this way before I started playing but after running through six games, almost fifteen run-throughs from start to finish, tens of nonsensical fan-fiction stories and hundreds of hours playing my life and myself out, it's difficult to admit that this is it. That's the end. No more. Well, that's not true ... if I had a PS2 I could continue with FFX and even FFX-2, or I could try the versions of FF without the active time battles (but then I might as well play Dragon Quest ...) and if I was feeling ridiculously rich I could go buy FFXI, pass my money off to some overseas server, and enjoy final fantasy forever. Heh. Even then, if I did all that, I'd reach the end of whatever is possible. That is it. No more ... really no more ... until Square comes up with more and the English translations for them. So, logically enough, perhaps I should get used to the feeling that there is no more right now. But it is difficult. That longing still remains, to play something or anything FF-related. Of course, the only FF-related things I have are FF themselevs, so I load each of them up only to realise that I know exactly what to do, and that I've won this at least twice over already. And then this feeling of longing will be replaced by that of ennui which utterly paralyses me from doing anything, including something productive like caving in to the irresistable needs of life. It's obvious. The withdrawal symptoms are still there. The song (heck, the only song) which I'm found humming or maybe singing would be both parts of Melodies of Life, with the occasional refrain from Eyes on Me (one can dislike the game, yet still appreciate the music, no?). The lyrics on my lips, however, are that of the Aria de Mezzo Carattere which are the only lyrics to any FF song that I actually remember. My eyes are glazed over. I have difficulty concentrating on anything else, for that matter any game other than FF on the computer. Unlike my usual talkative, babbling self I am silent and brooding, and if I ever burst into argument (with myself, more often than not) it would be something to do with the plot or the characters of one of the FFs. Haha ... what can I do? What can I say? These are the symptoms that will not go away. It's hard, but the truth is that there is actually life out of FF, one which I never really valued until I actually started playing. And so, I guess there is no choice for me but to endure, and eventually to smack some sense back into myself and start playing another game like the second expansion of Neverwinter Nights. Obviously, I'm not telling people not to play FF, in fact I'm not really telling anybody anything. These are just the distorted and dismembered ramblings of someone who finds something suddenly missing from her life. Sigh. Like a PlayStation 2, maybe. Would someone like to lend one to me? posted by Charlotte | 3:24 pm (0) comments Thursday, February 05, 2004 - The Wayward, Part IV - From quite some distance away, it looked like a marsh of some sort, blackened and filled with the twisting fingers of rotting trees. With my consistently changing angle, the occasional glint of sunlight off its surface gave credibility as to the presence of some layer of water on its surface. Like a real piece of bogland, it even had a cloud of miasma of some sort hanging over it like mist over an evaporating pond, or insects gleefully humming above carrion. I dashed in front of my untalkative companion to get a better look, to see if there was anyone living near there who could provide some form of assistance. However, it became increasingly obvious that it was no force of nature that had created this piece of wasted land. What I thought was the murky pitch of swamp gradualy revealed jagged edges, and it was then that I realised I was in truth heading towards the blackened ruins of some newly-destroyed building, though the cause of its recent annihilation was not immediately obvious. Hmph. My guess had most ironically proven correct, it indeed was two of some unit of distance to a settlement, unfortunately, it was one that just recently had the civilisation blasted out of it. How sick. There went my last hope of getting help, or, possibly ever returning home again. Well, that wasn't true, because I could just walk right back to the farm near the cliff and ask my way around, but people tend to exaggerate when they are dejected. I folded my arms and turned back to face that erratic creature, who, on second thought, did not seem to be guided by anything else other than the road. So much for homing instincts, I smirked cynically, as the hooded being simply brushed to my side before returning to its previous path, just as it did before. And for the umpteenth time, I stood still and watched it edge onwards in that snail's pace it seemed to find all too comfortable, my eyes following it as it descended the rest of the hill and reached the level ground once more. But still, as I pondered, wasn't it suspicious that a magnificent mansion or complex of some kind ... presuming that it looked magnificent, would be effaced from the earth so utterly not too long before I arrived? Not that I had anything to do with it, of course, since I didn't know it existed, but wouldn't there be anyone investigating the ruins of a place that was just newly destroyed? Wouldn't there be a rescue party or something to search for survivors, or perhaps to salvage whatever little was left of whatever activity was carried out there. As if to answer my suspicions, or my helpless plea for salvation from the deepest recesses of my heart, the joyful whinny of a domesticated horse let loose to roam sounded from somewhere before me. Continuing on that path which had alternately brought hope and snatched it before it could be received, my eyes focussed on a brown figure frolicking in the distance ... and a wooden contraption that seemed out of place either among the rolling plains of grass or the blackened ruins of annihilation. A horse and carriage ... so there was someone there after all. Perhaps, just as 'light years' is a description of distance rather than time, the markings on the roadstone indicated not the distance to the place but the time to travel to it. It was probably something similar to two minutes ... on a horse. Following the creature at my own pace, which was not very much faster than it's own (embarrassingly enough), it took me ten times that duration to see the happy horse nibbling the grass in the wild plains, and the carriage near to it. It was newly-polished and parts of it were waxed so meticulously they gleamed in the sunlight, a welcome sign showing that it was one that had been maintained and was in recent use. And then I came to the wreckage itself. Like the gateway to a dimension of destruction, all that remained of the wall the road led up to was the brick arch of what was once a doorway. The door itself lay in shards just before the entrance, offering little other than evidence to determine whether the building had exploded or imploded. I took a few steps until I was just in front of the doorway, so that I would be ready to jump back should it choose to collapse on me, and took a better look at the debris and rubble that recently constituted a magnificent institution of some sort. I say "institution", because from what the building contained, it was clear that it was not an ordinary dwelling or commercial complex of any kind. The floor was littered with glass, near several collapsed instruments that looked like chambers of some sort. There also seemed to be a great amount of destroyed desks about the place, the wooden ones having crumbled into splinters and sawdust, the metal ones either dismantled or warped into hideous shapes. Most glaringly of all were a large number of white laboratory uniforms scattered around, with white coats, white hoods and even white trousers and boots. Those coats ... so familiar ... they reminded me of ... I turned about, and almost fell backwards when I caught sight of my taciturn companion behind me ... not out of the surprise of merely seeing it, but seeing it remain still just behind me. The only time I had seen it appear to demand such a response out of me was back at the cliff, where in some kind of fair deal it shocked me nearly enough to fall off the cliff, then dropped a fairly valuable-looking ring as compensation. And now there it was, just standing, presumably just staring at me. At least it wasn't hostile, seeing as to how I had my back for it for more than five minutes, yet it did not take the opportunity to pounce upon me in my inattentiveness. So ... it brought me here, back to where it came from. I guess I cannot doubt those homing instincts now. But why me, and what for? Was I the nearest person available? Wasn't there already someone else here, scanning the ruins for survivors or salvaging them for saleables? Speaking of "someone else", it would be a good idea if I had the assistance of someone else to find out just where I was, and what I came to be doing here. "Er ... hello?" I began timorously, before raising my voice as my confidence (in my voice, not in my sense of direction) began to build, "Hello? Is anybody there? Can anyone hear me?" No response, just as if I had attempted to talk to my non-conversational leader-turned-follower. Testing my courage a bit more, I stepped forward, under and through the arch, and into the slight mist that hung over the ruins of the laboratory. "Hey! I'm calling for you, here! Could you respond, please? Oh, damn it, say something!" I yelled, trying to constrict my throat so I wouldn't inhale so much of the perhaps insidiously toxic air. Not being able to hold my breath for that long, I needed to go back out again to get some fresher air. I turned behind ... "Uwaa!!" And there that creature was again, right behind me like a persistent (and very silent) dog. Now, it was following my lead in wherever I chose to go. Not that I really minded now, since it didn't hinder me much (when I was the leader) and it could prove potentially useful in case I got into trouble, but still ... there is no need to surprise me like that! It was too late, however, as in my shock I took a deep breath of the hazy miasma ... and found it perfectly breatheable. Maybe it was just what it looked like, mist, steam, water vapour. It was time to get some bearings, however, and from inside the wrecked building I caught sight of what looked like a small room or container which seemed to have survived the blast. It was quite a little distance away, though still within the perimeter of the wreckage, and judging from its colour and its durability looked like it was made of thick metal or some other very tough material. Perhaps whoever was investigating this accident was searching inside the only room left standing, or even worse, maybe that person lived and worked here, and was forced to return to the only room remaining. But still, it was the best place to start searching, and, glancing behind me to notice how the creature kept in pace behind me in its own leisurely fashion, worked my way through the rubble to what looked like the door of the room, careful not to let the hem of my dress get caught on the odd piece of twisted metal, broken rubble or ruptured glass. Hmm ... locked in a most mysterious fashion. The door, made of that self-same metal as the room, would not be pushed or pulled, and even the doorknob refused to turn at all, though ...? Perhaps there was another entrance. "Stay here ..." I told the creature behind me as I rounded the corner of the room, half-thinking that it would listen seeing as to how it had begun to follow me, but with my common sense telling me not to expect any change in its behaviour. Perhaps there was another way in, or perhaps it was not worth going in at all seeing as to how it could also be a maximum-security safe or a refrigeration unit, the contents of which would not be particularly useful to me at this point in time. A floor of shattered glass greeted me as I turned to the wall just to the left of the locked doorway. There being too many shards of glass it was unlikely that it used to be merely a window, and my suspicions were confirmed when I saw a massive gap in the wall, with a circular section of smashed glass separating me from the inside of the room. Perhaps protected by the powerfully reinforced walls of the room, this chamber had not been as utterly smashed as the others throughout the building but was only shattered in its middle, the pieces of glass remaining pointing toward each other like transparent teeth in a maw, or stalacties and stalagmites in an icy cave. To attempt to enter, of course, would mean immediate laceration and a slow and painful death from loss of blood, and I did not intend to break the remaining glass down with either my bare hands, which was utter stupidity, my booted feet which I was not sure could endure the razor-sharp edges of the glass or with something large and heavy on the ground, which I did not think I could lift and I had no intention of touching with my bare hands either. But I could see inside, and that being the only option available I squinte with all my might in the gap between the glass reaching for each other between the floor and the ceiling. The interior of this metal room seemed to have survived the disaster, since it looked only as disorganised as might be humanly possible without the help of heavy explosives. More surprisingly, however, were the contents of this room ... a wooden desk like any other found outside the room, with a sturdy wooden chair to match. A small metal cabinet was grafted to the wall just above it, its doors closed. A wastepaper basket had been knocked over by the blast, and its contents, many crumpled balls of paper, were scattered around the floor together with several loose sheets as well. A small wooden clock at the back of the table, which did not appear to be moving and the time on which I could not discern. On the table were more things of interest. Occupying most of the table were sheets of paper, some blank and others with scrawlings on them unreadable from my current postion. Some paper files were stacked in a corner of the desk, and were used to a certain extent. A shade that looked like a table lamp stood beside them, and at the base of the shade there was a small and flat brown box that looked like a tape recorder or an answering machine. Most prominently, however, leaning against the wall, in the centre of the desk, there stood a picture frame, and from it gazed the visage of the previous owner of the room. I squinted more furiously. Someone ... someone whose cheeks were pale, yet radiated the irresistable charm of youth. Someone whose shining eyes and well-trimmed eyelashes gazed enchantingly at its beholder. Someone whose rosy red lips glimmered like an apple of lust. Someone whose vibrant and rolling silvery hair was parted meticulously, fell gracefully over her ears and past her shoulders in an argentine cascade. Someone ... who? "Who's there?" a sharp, brash voice called out from not too far behind me. It was that someone who I had originally been searching for, who now turned out to be an irritant and a distraction from a newfound mystery. Someone whose presence at this time could not find any worse welcome. "Who are you? You are trespassing on private property! State your identity and your purpose!" The voice rang out from much less further behind me. Heavy footsteps seemed to resound across the blasted landscape and into my ears. Warily, I turned about to face its source. Take your pick and hammer away. 19. They saw me. Let's hit the nail on the head. 20. I'd better bolt for it, or I'll be screwed. - This is so mechanical, whatever this message says should have been drilled into you by now ... - posted by Charlotte | 3:49 pm (0) comments Wednesday, February 04, 2004 - A Way with Words, Part IV - "I'll be off with Charlotte now, mammy," Aei called to her mother, who was tidying the table in a fastidious manner, as she held the door open for me to depart, "I'll be back ... soon enough!" "You don't need to rush, darling," she replied sweetly as she rearranged the chairs that were moved out of place during our debacle earlier, "Just make sure the poor lass gets home, alright?" "No problems," she affirmed as I made my way onto the doorstep. She let go of the heavy wooden door to fetch a couple of apples from a fruit bowl nearby for a snack, before slipping out again with childlike dexterity as the door fell shut again. "Hmm ... now how shall we get there," she pondered to herself as she folded her arms, still carrying the pair of fruit. "Is it very far?" I offered, in an attempt to overcome my ineptitude concerning my whereabouts, "I thought we were going to w..." "Hey, I have an idea!" she exclaimed as she punched the air, with fruit, "Let's ride my father's old horse, Iiau, to town!" "A horse? That sounds fun!" I could not help exclaiming, "I like horses ..." "Well, then again, that wouldn't be a very good idea," she countered herself as my shoulders sank with disappointment, "My father might need him to help out in the field work that he always does after breakfast ..." "I suppose he does," I murmured in a more neutral voice, before realising something important that I had neglected all throughout my conversation in the house, "Come to think of it, I haven't had any b..." "I guess that means the only way there is by walking," Aei interrupted as she gave me another saccharine sweet smile, "And the road isn't going to carry us there, so unless we start walking we won't get anywhere!" "Nice rhyme," I commented, before embarking on a frantic attempt to change the topic to something else, "But I don't think that I've had any ..." "... breakfast ..." And she was happily frolicking down the lane. She's a nice enough person ... but people who radiate sugar simply have to listen sometimes. Sigh ... I wasn't a particularly agile runner, and I only managed to catch up to her after she had already rounded the bend onto the main road, and she would have continued bounding down the lane with apples in hand if she didn't hear my strangled wheezing when I finally came around and behind her. "Oh, hello," she called nonchalantly as she slowed her pace just enough for me to stagger in beside her at a speed already taxing my endurance, "So ... how are you today?" "You ... run ... very ... fast ..." I gasped as I grasped my collar in an attempt to control my spasmodic wheezing, with some degree of success, "Slow down, won't you?" "Okay!" she answered coyly as she reduced her speed just enough to fall in behind me, so that she appeared to be beating upon my back, "But you should straighten your back when you walk." I glanced behind to look at her, and saw that she was walking in a very upright posture indeed. I believe that all children have the ability to maintain a proper posture, if it was not for the unbearably heavy burden of schoolbags upon their backs. "Is something really wrong? I walk like this all the time ..." I answered. Sure, I did round my shoulders forward a bit too much, but deliberately raising them any higher would be far too military a stance for my liking, and I wasn't a soldier. "Well, you should straighten your back, and you should raise your shoulders, and you should tidy up your hair and your dress and you should get rid of all these little specks of dirt on your back ..." Like any mischievous child would do, she reached for my back as I was walking and neatly flicked off something that was there, a small blade of grass or a fleck of soil, perhaps. "That way, you can look and act more ladylike." "Oh, like you're the one to advise me," I grumbled, and continued walking on my usual casual manner heedless of any of her counsel, "I'm fine the way I am. Why would I want to act more ladylike?" "Why?" she asked, wearing a quizzical look across her youthful little complexion, "Because you're supposed to be the Princess, that's why!" "Wha ... hey!" I railed, once again assuming an indignant posture, "I thought I told you to stop that ..." She didn't hear my protestations as she took the opportunity to take a bite out of the corner of an apple. But she was winking at me out of the corner of her eye, and that was enough to tell me that she was trying to rile me up again. "... and you must suck in your tummy and speak in your sweetest yet most resolute tone," she demonstrated as she raised the nibbled apple to the air like a trophy, "A very most delightful morning to you, good citizen, for I am the gracious and most honourable Princess Uaeouue of ..." "I told you!" I exclaimed as I raised a threatening fist to counter her mock heroic one, "I don't look anything like her! Well, maybe a little ... but I'm sure anyone can tell the difference!" "Oh, I'm sure they won't if you let me give you a little make-over ..." Aei grinned mischievously as she took another mouthful out of the rather large apple she was carrying, "Just let me do up your hair, tighten your belt, take a bite out of the other apple then stuff them down the front of your dress ... perfect! Um ... Charlotte? Are you there?" I didn't hear her calling for me because upon hearing the sentence I promptly slammed my palm onto the side of my head and facefaulted onto the road. "Mmm ... food ..." I murmured as I came to to the delectable waft of home-grown apples. But then again, inferring from the weather that this place was experiencing, it was unlikely that the apples had been picked any time recently. "Give me one." "Here you go ..." Aei giggled as, while I was staggering to my feet, she tossed the other uneaten apple to me, "What were you trying to do, kill yourself by lying on the middle of the road? It won't work ... not many carriages pass by here, and the animals are usually smart enough to avoid people." "Just ... just don't scare me like that again, okay?" I sighed as, with the apple in my hand, I inspected it for any dust or deformities before taking a much larger bite out of it, "I frighten very easily." "Hmm ..." she pondered, too deep in thought to listen to my word of caution, "I really ought to have done you up in that minute you were lying there on the road ... but you're too heavy for a kid like me to move ..." "Hey, stop it, all right?" I demanded of her with the apple I clasped dramatically enlarging the appearance of my fist, "I'm not a princess of any kind and I am never going to be one! So there!" "Aww ... but ..." and then she looked at me with those tear-stricken little eyes that made me feel oh-so-guilty, "But ... you don't know how I feel ..." "How you feel? But I ..." I protested to no avail. "All my little life, I've been living with my dear old father who, when he's not farming, only talks about either me or the Princess," she elaborated, her hands clasped meekly around the half-eaten apple she was carrying, "And my mother has told me, so many times, the story of how my father met the Princess years ago, and how ... well ..." Okay ... I know ... I nodded a little, just to show I wasn't ignoring her plea totally. It must be a hard reality for a little kid like her to live with. "Yeah ... and I've always thought of the royal Princess as the perfect girl who I've always wanted to be like. And now here is my perfect chance to travel with her, in a way ... so, don't you understand how I feel about this?" "I guess so," I murmured philosophically. Although I understood how she felt, it didn't necessarily mean that I was agreeable to it, "But why don't you also try to understand how I feel? I am myself, not anyone's princess, and I don't see why I should need to live up to such an unreasonable expectation. Besides, I'm lost, and impersonating royalty isn't the best thing to do under such circumstances. Maybe I can't put it as eloquently or appealingly as you can ... but you get my idea?" I knelt down, and gazed up into the sincere eyes of a child, eyes already welling up with beads of tears. Which were promptly brushed away with a flick of her sleeve. "Haha ..." she laughed, pointing at me as I realised how stupid I looked kneeling in the middle of the road, "I just wanted to see if you could look all weepy and teary-eyed, that's all! One day, when you propose to your boyfriend, you'll need to look as feminine as that, too!" Oh, groan! I smacked myself a little less hard with the uneaten end of the apple as I tried my very best to stifle all thought and desire of strangling the little brat right there and then. "H ... hey ... I'm just joking ..." she sniggered as she watched my face turning a rather sanguine shade of crimson, "Don't hurt yourself again! Maybe acting like the Princess would help you get your way around town, then." "Shut up about the princess ..." I hissed as I got to my feet and straightened off my dress, "Anyway, doing that would attract far too much attention for my liking, thank you." "Well ... at least with so much attention, you'll be safe from those weird strangers going around the district recently, won't you?" she offered, still trying to coax me onto her madcap scheme. "Oh, no, I won't," I countered, "Remember the article in the news paper?" "Oh, you are right ... sigh ..." Aei's shoulders sank as she took the last bite out of the greatly reduced apple, and proceeded to nibble all the little edible bits that were left on the core, "I won't force you into this any more. But you should know that maybe some people will mistake you for her just like my father did. Thought you should be concerned." "Yeah, I guess ..." I murmured. Encountering our first passers-by (thankfully, there were no witnesses to my embarrassing scenes in the middle of the road beyond seagulls, who lived in the cliff which had long curved away from the main road), I realised that we were finally leaving open farmlands and entering an urban area of some sort. Though there was no observable reaction from these few individuals as of yet, Aei had a point ... I had to plan in advance as to how I would conduct myself. Maybe I should keep away from people and avoid being noticed, so I could stay out of any trouble that might be waiting in store for me, or perhaps I should act casual so that I wouldn't seem overly suspicious to anyone looking out for an oddly-behaving stranger. I took another large bite out of the juicy apple as Aei deftly lifted the lid of a nearby rubbish bin and tossed the cleanly-picked core of hers in. "Give me a moment to think about it." Now, for some poetic justice! Take your rhyme. 17. Be safe or be sorry, I always say. Let's keep out of trouble's way. 18. There's nothing to fear but fear itself. Honesty shouldn't inhibit one's health. - If you think your adventure ends here, you're a worsted-stocking knave and a base football player - Ehehehe ... sorry. Too much sugar. Bad, bad Charlotte! posted by Charlotte | 3:57 pm (0) comments Tuesday, February 03, 2004 - War of Words, Part IV - And so, with my first designation and stil lugging that blasted oversized sword around with me, following a conceited and stuck-up royal pain who wasn't any less clueless than I was, we eventually came to a place most critical to any wandering adventurer (who just happens to be lost), which was, of course, the humble township. We followed the tarred road as it gradually turned away from the cliffside and eventually, the fences of the farm I first encountered gave way to those of another, and so on. Each patch of farmland seemed smaller as we walked, Pwyns Xjrmynq whistling a merry tune of Consonance to himself, sounding like a canary in a gas-flooded mine, and occasionally teasing me on not being able to whistle an adventuresome tune of my own. I didn't want to make a fool of myself by pursing my lips and making a rude noise so I just kept quiet and mumbled resentful curses to myself. Eventually, the perimeter of those "farmlands" shrank so much that they seemed little more than gardens compared to the size of the homestead, and it was then I realised that we had reached a settlement. It was nothing spectacular, nothing overly exciting which made it exceptional. It kind of reminded me of those shanty "Wild West" towns featured in cowboy movies, where buildings were simply constructed out of bricks, planks, and simple grass thatch, and people idled about the village crossroads in a carefree manner, presumably with some destination in mind but to the untrained eye in a seemingly random fashion. The only significant difference is that we weren't in the middle of the desert, with people wearing stupid overlarge hats and speaking in a twisted drawl, but among normal people who dressed casually and ... for the most part, ignored the two of us. With the village fountain in sight, and a short distance away from the largest buildings in the town, Pwyns stopped to survey the situation at hand. Or rather, he was surveying me, as he glanced behind and gave me an inquisitive stare. "My, you've been quiet so far. Aren't you enjoying your noble quest as my gracious and honourable Xkwyr?" he asked, giving me a gleaming smile that would look better with a fist in the middle of it. "N ... no ..." I burbled, as yet another drop of sweat trickled from my upper lip, fell, and rolled down the front of my dress. When one is put under heavy physical strain, the powers of communication are severely dulled, and the body has no recourse but to place more emphasis on mere observation. Another bead of sweat struck the tarred ground with force enough for an audible plop. "Well, I don't know what you are saying, but ..." he considered as he stroked his chin with his right hand while he played with the dagger in the other, "I'm not a native of this land, and I was wondering if you knew where we were ..." "N ... no ..." I blubbered. Another bead of sweat rolled off my chin, squirreled down my right arm and off my little finger, onto the scabbard of that monstrously heavy sword, and down it slithered until it had not energy or substance enough to continue. This pent-up rage in me can't do any good if it isn't translated into eloquence on the part of my speech. "I can't ... carry ... this ... damn thing ..." "Dear me, you are really tired, aren't you?" he commented, rather oblivious to my plight. What incredible powers of observation he has. "Y ... yes ..." I groaned as I thrust the tip of the sword against the tar and leaned on its hilt. So what if it was a royal artifact? Only number one mattered to me right now. "We must find our bearings ... there's no time to rest on our laurels!" he announced in his typical moronic fashion, as I rolled my eyes before blinking furiously as sweat entered them, "Though, I do offer the royal handkerchief bearing the mark of the monarchy of Consonance to soothe the brows of a fair lady such as yourself. Well, I did blow my nose into it once or twice but that should not detract from your appreciation of the ..." "Hey, who are you?" a gruff voice yelled from a short distance away. Looking up from the ground, I saw two heavily-armoured and polearm-bearing guards advancing toward us, bearing a triangle-shaped coat of arms across their chests. Now's your turn to shine, mister high-and-mighty. "Was someone calling us?" Pwyns murmured, a puzzled look across his face as he watched the guards advancing toward us at an orderly marching pace. "Yes, the two of you! State your origin and your purpose!" the right guard exclaimed. He was carrying a tall halberd which bore a mighty axe blade. It looked fearsome. "You're not from around here! Provide your identity, so that we may proceed with background checks!" the left guard demanded. He hoisted a heavy spear with a large, double-bladed head upon it. It looked deadly. "What do they want?" pondered Pwyns as the guards came into striking range, while scratching his head and tucking the dagger into a clasp at his belt, "They're mumbling something ..." "Didn't you hear them?" I retorted. The apprehension at being confronted with unpleasant and potentially hostile strangers was enough for me to overcome the sting of salty sweat across my lips. Was the royal twit acting dumb or something? "Why don't you tell him who you are ..." Well, actually, I didn't even know who I was, or where I had come from. Well. "Oh, the girl spoke," observed the left guard, as he rested the spear against his shoulder plate. "Perhaps that young man may be hard of hearing," contributed the right guard, as he rested against the handle of his halberd. "No, he isn't!" I protested as I clutched the sword against my chest, in an attempt to stifle my antagonism, "I ... I don't know what you are talking about. What's going on ..." "Well, good sirs," Pwyns Xjrmynq interrupted me as he thrust an arm across my face to introduce himself, "It may do you good to know that I am the most upright and honourable Pwyns Xjrmynq, heir to the throne of Consonance and most worthy and deserving suitor of the good Princess Uaeouue of your beautiful and splendent nation ..." "I don't understand a word he's saying," murmured the left guard as he addressed his compatriot, "Do you?" "He must be a foreigner, for all I know," replied the right guard, answering his comrade, "But isn't that ..." "What?" I stammered, somewhat intimidated as the two guards simultaneously peered somewhere around my chest area, "What is it?" "The royal crest of the evil kingdom of Consonance!" exclaimed the left guard as he steadied his weapon, "How dare they infiltrate our sanctified lands!" "The murdering scoundrels from across the mountains!" growled the right guard as he readied himself, "We must eliminate all enemies of the king and the people!" "Uwaa! I'm not one of the Consonance or whatever!" I cried as I backed away, holding the sword ever more tightly to my chest. Sure, it was heavy and annoying, but it was the only real weapon I had other than my feet. I turned to the perpetually clueless Pwyns Xjrmynq who was still blabbering on about his grandiose and exceptional heritage and whispered, "Er ... good sir, mister Xjrmynq ..." "And that is why I believe I am deserving of the hand in marriage of the beautiful and exquisite Princess Uaeouue. Although, if I may, I do request you kindly provide accommodation for my dear Xkwyr here, for though she may be of lowly and commonplace upbringing, her help has proven most invaluable in encountering good people such as yourselves and I wish to show my gratitude by ..." And then he realised that I was timorously tugging at a fold of cloth on his back, "Did you just say that you're not one with Consonance?" "N ... no, I mean, I'm with you ..." I stuttered, not wanting to get utterly alienated with two increasingly fearsome looking characters bearing down on me, "But ..." "The girl has confessed it!" announced the left guard as he raised his spear to strike, "She is a guide for the infiltrator! We must eliminate her and the villain she serves!" "Your treachery is unforgivable!" proclaimed the right guard as he hoisted his halberd to attack, "Traitors are punished by death! Let neither of the infidels live!" "Er ..." I backed away yet another step as I summoned all the strength within before, before screeching at the top of my voice to shock Pwyns Xjrming out of his air of conceit, "They're going to kill us!" "Oh, they are?" Pwyns murmured, before he looked up and saw an axe head descending to slice open his own, "Then it looks like we must fight them!" With the deftest of leaps he dodged the blow which cleaved nothing but the empty air. "To battle, faithful Xkwyr!" Battle? What battle? Am I supposed to fight? And ... how am I supposed to fight? And then the razor-sharp tip of a spear pierced the air somewhere to the right of my head and presumably would have pierced the ribs of a Charlotte a few inches taller than I was. Caught by surprise, I leapt backwards yanking the massive sword with me. As adrenaline surged through my system, I knew that I had to defend myself in any way possible. And, considering the unreliability of my companion, I was the one who had to take up the fight. 15. Taste steel, you villain! - if Charlotte is a Swords-girl 16. My magic will destroy you! - if Charlotte is a Priestess - Uwaaa!! No! I don't! I don't! I don't wanna end the adventure here! - posted by Charlotte | 3:28 pm (0) comments Monday, February 02, 2004 If you are a FF freak, like yours truly (to some extent), take a look at this if you haven't already. http://www.ffcompendium.com/misc/boco.swf See if you can name all the characters there. It shouldn't be too difficult ... ahem. And, if you can't name half of them, let this serve as a reminder that the first installment of Final Fantasy is not the seventh one! That's so you know what you're missing. Or alternately, it could be interpreted as an oblique stab at all the hype about the genre. But since the guy who created it put so much effort in to draw all the characters (and draw them well!) I guess he must like FF, then. Well, anyway, it's been six paragraphs of stories, so I shall take a break and rant more about FF. Haha! I shall continue my inane attempt to rationalise and rank FF, just like Mr. Purvis always says Singaporean people have an insuppresible compunction to. I think this time, I shall look at the anti-characters, or rather, the evil villains that cause so much trouble to the protagonists we all know and love. Once again, all opinions are my own, so if you disagree, go get stuffed ... er ... I mean, that is all right with me. Best Boss : "In this case, I'm referring to the bosses you encounter which aren't the main characters of the story, yet make your game so much more enjoyable by attempting to off your characters at every turn. Since this ranking is based on irrationality, it doesn't measure how powerful or difficult a boss is (since that varies, depending on what tactics you use) but basically how much I like them. More often than not, they are recurring bosses since ... well ... you need to meet them several times to like them. And, hey, I decided to add the description up here rather than throw it in the FF about which I have the least comments." 6. FFIV : Cecil the Dark Knight "Well, actually, this ranking isn't fair for FFIV (since the notion of recurrable bosses began with the success of Gilgamesh in FFV) since there isn't a real recurring boss, so I'll just mention the most meaningful fight. Of course, that has to be Cecil defeating his dark past ... by witholding the bloodthirsty instincts in him and not fighting. Hmm, but my little sister managed to defeat Evil Cecil by whacking him to death, apparently (so much for self-discipline =). Special credit must also go to the Four Fiends of the Elements Milon Z, Kainazzo, Valvalis, and Rubicant who is probably being beaten up by the other fiends for having such an overblown sense of self-confidence that he healed the heroes before fighting them, thus ensuring his and his comrades' defeat." 5. FFVII : Jenova Birth/Life/Death/Synthesis "Let me get this straight, Jenova is not a very difficult boss but I utterly detest her. The only reason why she isn't worse off than FFIV is because she has a good storyline accompanying her, unlike many other recurring bosses. Well, I dislike her because ... hey, is this the 'calamity from the sky'? Then why aren't our heroes dust (for those who say Sephiroth wanted Cloud alive, why did he send Jenova after him in the first place?)? Basically, Jenova's storyline is believable, but her status as a boss can't live up to it. She doesn't say anything, she isn't funny, she ruined a whole lot of Cetras and human's lives while being put down by three weatherbeaten heroes, and she ruined my enjoyment of Aeris' theme song (more on that next week). Don't like her." 4. FFIX : Beatrix "Hey! Beatrix is the ultimate paladin, or more accurately a deadly fighter with powerful white magic ... which is something you wish Cecil was because he's mediocre in both. The only problem is that she is on the other side for half the game. Shock, Climhazzard and Stock Break will utterly decimate your party, or the enemies', later, and she can fix any problems with Cura and Esuna. She has character development, which is interesting when it happens to a NPC. Plus, the sub-plot with Steiner is one of the most amusing in this overall extremely amusing game. The only problem would be explaining her absence for most of the other half of the game. Vast potential (both a positive and negative comment)." 3. FFVI : Ultros "'I ... I'm just a stupid octopus!' Talk about self-discovery. Doesn't he look in a mirror? Anyway, this funny purple octopus will be your main adversary for most of the World of Balance (four fights, compared to Kefka's three) and the funniest thing of all is that he isn't working for the Empire or Kefka, but just making a nuisance of himself for the heck of it. Not a very powerful enemy later on being weak to both fire and lightning, he suffers the ultimate punishment of becoming a mere receptionist in the World of Ruin while his 'sidekick' Chupon becomes not just the most popular gladiator at the Colosseum but also a cameo as a summon in FFVII. He's so annoying, it's fun to fight him!" 2. FFVIII : Seifer Almasy "You 'control' him for the Dollet battles (he walks around by himself ...) and after that, he becomes your enemy three times! He is the ultimate good (well, chaotic neutral, at least) to evil character in FF so far, which is outstanding considering that the evil-to-good characters vastly outnumber their counterparts. You know how tough he is when you control him - his gunblade is harder to trigger than Squall's. He has a really bad attitude. And he has a posse of friends who follow him in evil (in a way) deeds but are desperately trying to pull him to the side of sensibility, failing miserably. You just know that puberty boy, chicken-wuss and 'oh ... Instructor Trepe' are no match for this guy fuelled by hatred, misery, alienation and all negative emotion known to FF-kind. He's not laughable in battle, yet some of his scathing quips in dialogue are worth quoting. And only time compression sends him back to reason. The most evil boss of all!" 1. FFV : Gilgamesh "For those people who've played only FFVII and later and keep wondering about the hype about a funny four-armed man named Gilgamesh, by not playing FFV you've undoubtedly missed out on the most enjoyable boss that spawned numerous cameo appearances (like Sephiroth, Cloud and Aeris do, heck, you can understand that, right?). You don't see him for the first third of the game, but after that you meet him a total of six times! Wha ... even ExDeath and Kefka are only encountered four times. He has that annoying talk-big attitude and extreme hastiness on his feet when he realises he's overstretched himself, something that Square tried to replicate less successfully in Ultros. The fact that he keeps running away only makes you want (or long) to hurt him even more. He meets his downfall in a most hilarious way as well, and after a bit of pondering he switches loyalties and helps out the heroes in a most unexpected fashion. He's such a fantastic boss as ExDeath's sidekick, that he even has his own sidekick (which enjoys running away even more than he does). His theme music is arguably the best song in the whole of FFV, which happens to have great music as a whole. Gilgamesh's story even explains, to an extent, how it is possible for him to appear in FFVIII and IX. And, while he's around, he makes Butz and friends' lives miserable. A combination of all the best attributes that make a powerful, exciting and entertaining boss." Best Final Boss : "I guess this ranking should be separate from 'Best Antagonist', because in many FFs the last boss you fight isn't actually the one that has been harassing you for most of the game. In fact, some (grumble) don't even appear until the end. Therefore, the final boss' significance to the game as a whole, rather than deadliness or difficulty, matter most here." 6. FFIX : Necron "Who? Kuja, Garland, and who? Heck, there were more references to Ozma and Hades than this absurd fellow. Plus, he's not very challenging despite having a planet-smashing attack like Sephiroth and Ultimecia. I honestly didn't know, and later, didn't think he was the final boss. Shades of Zeromus, Ultimecia, and ... Yoda? This guy, and the storyline in general, are what pulls FFIX all the way down. He has neither original lines nor original abilities." 5. FFIV : Zeromus "Again ... who? You mean Golbez isn't the bad guy? What a pity, since Golbez is immensely more profound and astounding in his big helmet and cape, and was the inspiration for one of the greatest villains in ExDeath. But at least he has a dungeon to call his own, unlike Necron who perhaps was simply there for people who didn't have fun enough beating up Trance Kuja. He's probably the ugliest final boss of all, however, and the fact that Cecil is quite a great hero adds to the satisfaction from killing him, the final villain. Only good with the assistance of the other aspects of FFIV." 4. FFVIII : Ultimecia "Not much better than either of the above ... but at least she looks and acts and fights (and talks) like a final boss. She also constitutes the most difficult (yet beatable, as final bosses should be) final boss among the lot, since you have to fight her and her pet Griever five times in a row without a chance to save. She also has a grand psychotic scheme to rule the world, time compression which actually does happen, which the previous bosses don't. She even has a bonus drawable spell, Apocalypse, which you cannot see until the end of the game. Disappointing the way she was thrown into the game, but I guess the fight lives up to it." 3. FFV : Neo ExDeath "As one would say, a gulf between. ExDeath, Kefka and Sephiroth are up there together as the most evil and nasty and hence, best villains Square has come up with. The evillest tree in the world transforms into a monstrous, contorted freak which attacks you from four parts, the culmination of the powers of evil and the void. And, if his ultimate attack Almagest was animated, it would probably be a planet-smasher along the lines of Super Nova, Great Attractor and Grand Cross. The only flaw in this superb villain is that he really isn't very conversational. Well, in real life that would be a strength, anyway." 2. FFVI : Kefka "Argh! The funniest villain in the game finally gets his chance to show that he's not so funny after all. As the Angel of Death (and Sephiroth's inspiration) he builds his tower upon a heap of tortured souls, which our heroes must battle to reach him and defeat him at its top. Kefka is the main inspiration for many of the final boss attacks which inflict our characters in later FFs such as Fallen Angel and Flare Star. Like Ultimecia, he also eats up your characters if they die and you get a gruesome scene at the end if he managed to off any of them. The most scary, fearsome and abhorrent thing about him is ... after entertaining you in his silly flourescent cloak and funny feather, he bares it all. Eek. Kefka shirtless ... *pukes*" 1. FFVII : Safer Sephiroth "As you might guess, one of the most deranged, psychotic, insane and homicidial freaks of all makes what is probably the best final boss. Safer Sephiroth is both an allegorical and a graphical masterpiece which, despite not being original, manages to outdo his predecessor Kefka. All of Safer's attacks practically define what abilities a final boss should have, a lucky weak physical (One-winged Angel or Pale Horse), an evasion manouevre (Ascend/Descend), a damage dealer (Deen), a life reducer (Fallen Angel), a single killer (Shadow Flare), and a status attack (Super Nova). Square reached their peak of boss-making with Sephiroth, and the puzzle of battling the parts of Bizzaro Sephiroth is quite a challenge as well, while horribly maiming him during the ending is one of the most satisfying moments in all RPG history. The only problem would be ... that Square put the most unbalanced attack ever in FFVII, Knights of the Round. Do homage to the absolute best boss you will encounter in the game and don't use it on him, and you'll see what a challenge he is." Best Antagonistic Archetype : "This is just an examination and evaluation of each of the main antagonists in each game. They aren't necessarily the final bosses (half of the time, they aren't ...), but are basically the evil counterparts of our good and honourable heroes and, like them, have goals, motivations, character development and even homes. Well, hopefully." 6. FFVIII : Edea, Adel, Ultimecia ... all sorceress-kind, generally Motive : World Domination! Reasons : Dunno. Sheer sadistic pleasure, I guess. Modus Operandi : Take over powerful nations and utilise the army. Sounds more like insane dictators. Home : Castle Ultimecia Evil Laugh : Hahahahaha... True Form : Crazy old hag Question : Is that stupid accent what is popular in the future? "Right ... we all know SeeD was created to fight the sorceress. Question is, which one? Is this some sadistic genocide against sorceresses or something? Is there something naturally corrupting in sorceress-kind? If everyone (thanks to good doctor Odine, ya?) knows how sorceresses work, why don't they do something to get rid of them? Basically, FFVIII has no main antagonist, because Square wanted to focus the players' attention on the story of Squall and Rinoa. Now that's one sorceress that they should have put to the pyre long ago. As your awareness of the 'powers that be' in the game grows, you wonder why Odine, Ellone and Rinoa didn't band up earlier to just purge sorceresses from time. Ultimecia does have the best final dungeon for any villain, though. It is kool. Oops." 5. FFIV : Golbez son of Kluya Motive : Release the evil! Reasons : None. He was under mind-control. Modus Operandi : Take over the powerful nations and utilise the army. At least Golbez looks like an insane dictator. Home : Tower of Bab-il Evil Laugh : Heh. True Form : Lunarian Question : What was he before he got controlled? "A Star Wars fan would say Golbez was ripped off from Star Wars, as the mind-controlled super warrior, but then again Square ripped off many other things as well like Biggs and Wedge and more. Golbez was the starting block for constructing evil villains, giving ExDeath his look and his music, and only falls here because it didn't come to Square to make someone as deadly as him the sincerely evil bad guy. He isn't too powerful in battle, however, since you only fight him twice where he got knocked out by Tellah and Rydia respectively, and in the end he's revealed to be, well, generally a nice guy who acknowledged Cecil before the normally respectful and humble hero would. Not the most exciting villain, but he was grand while he lasted." 4. FFIX : Kuja ... Tribal, I guess Motive : World Domination! Then, it becomes World Destruction! Reasons : He can't live with his weaknesses and his mortality. Talk about an inferiority complex. Modus Operandi : Take over powerful nations, then takes over powerful eidolons, then takes over himself. Home : Terra, or the Invincible, or the Core of Existence Evil Laugh : Too many to mention. Basically, all famous laughs in the history of FF. True Form : Psychotic monkey Question : What happened to him in the end? "Oh, poor Kuja. Son of Sephiroth, powers of Ultimecia, attitude of Kefka, and more pathetic than any of them. I think Square thought they got the 'evil villain' formula right, and put it together to get Kuja. Instead, we get a psychotic, poetry-reciting, baby-faced and immature moron who deserves the title of s/he more than Quina. But we can't blame them for trying ... it is the culmination of the formula after all. Plus, Kuja deserves a bit of recognition because he does, when you think about it, behave like a human, something which the other villains are incapable of. And the fact that he is the next male FF sex symbol after Sephiroth doesn't hurt either." 3. FFV : ExDeath Motive : World Destruction! Reasons : 500 years ago, they didn't let him control the world, so he settled for destroying it. Modus Operandi : Mind-control unsuspecting passers-by. Then, he gets his own army. Finally, he utilises the powers of the Void, Enuo (what?). Home : Great Forest of Mua, big castle, and later, the Cleft of Dimension. Evil Laugh : Bwahaha! True Form : Evil tree (what?!) Question : Um ... evil tree? "Once again, a gulf (Cleft? Void?) between 4 and 3, though slightly narrower this time. Anyway, Square really outdid themselves with the 'original villain' thing by making ExDeath ... an evil tree? Ahh ... Firaga! ExDeath is the new and improved version of Golbez who is now well and truly evil, and proves it by sucking random helpless towns into the X-Zone. His penultimate form is also the ugliest ... penultimate boss, more zero, more bizzare, more grieving, more tranced than anything else. He also has the best evil villain music of all. He even has a sidekick! Isn't it strange how FF villains don't have sidekicks (Kain and Zorn and Thorn don't really fit the bill, since they have multiple loyalties)? The only problem is that you don't see as much of him as the next two villains. But still ... evil ... tree?" 2. FFVII : Sephiroth ... Hojo, Jenova, or maybe Valentine, depending who you ask Motive : World Domination! Though World Destruction comes as a side effect ... Reasons : Superiority complex, and the possession of powers that live up to it. Modus Operandi : Masamune. Later on, Meteor. Home : Northern Crater Evil Laugh : Haha. True Form : Deranged homicidial bishounen Question : Who is his biological father? "In the minds of many who have never played anything before FFVII, the ultimate villain. That may not be altogether incorrect, since in my opinion he is the villain I most wanted to kill (and most enjoyed killing), and if that is the hallmark of a great villain so be it. Also, the best looking villain of all, by far ... the success of Sephiroth brought home the immense popularity of having a good looking villain (Zeromus ... Neo ExDeath ... shirtless Kefka ...). He has understandable (though not necessary valid) motivations and is also gifted with a tailor-made storyline, since the plot revolves around Cloud and him. Though he has a nasty habit of trying to kill Cloud's girlfriends. I just don't like (or dislike, depending on how you see it) him as much as Kefka because he's too hyped up about (looks aren't everything, you know), he's not very funny or even ironic, he's clincially insane and he talks far too much. In the words of Cloud, shut up! Though he has beautiful hair ... very beautiful ... (petrified)" 1. FFVI : Kefka Palazzo Motive : World Domination! Or World Destruction! Or simply making life miserable for everybody. Reasons : Greed. Sadism. Insanity. Nobody knows. Modus Operandi : The Empire, after General Leo out of the way. Later, the Light of Judgement. Home : Vector, then Kefka's Tower Evil Laugh : Uwee-hee-hee! True Form : Demented clown Question : Er, is he human? "To me, this guy defines evil. Evil is not controlling the world, or destroying the world, but the most childish of all behaviour, making a great nuisance of oneself and making anybody and everybody's life miserable in the process. He is also by far the funniest villain, in fact, he is the only really funny villain with his dialogue and his actions (eg "ooo ... how violent!"), while ExDeath simply talks really evil and Kuja tries to use irony and fails miserably. The 'self-help booklet' one-liner is a classic in all of FF. He is also the villain that spends the most time on dressing up, using more eyeshadow than Kuja and Steiner together, more face paint than Zorn and Thorn, and looks more crazy than Quina (sorry for the excessive reference, but FFIX is a game of absurdity after all). The feather doesn't hurt either (thinks Red XIII and Steiner). Basically Kefka and ExDeath are the two sides of the evil villain coin, ExDeath being seriously and dead-on evil, while Kefka is the humorous and playful yet ultimately still destructive one. Sephiroth is for the people who are after good looks. It's your choice, but since I find humour one of the most crucial aspects of FF as a whole I pick Kefka." Bonus Round! Most Ageless Character: "I was feeling stupid, so this a just a rant about the rather ridiculous ages of some of the characters in FF. I know Square wants to make their characters appealing and, later on with FMVs, attractive as well, but they could at least their their ages make sense ..." FFIV : Rydia "Well, that's because she falls into the Land of Summoned Monsters, where time passes many many times quicker than in real life. Alright, now I have rested or used a tent X times since Rydia got eaten by Leviathan. I form a party with Cecil, Rosa, Kain and Edge and go to the Land of Summon Monsters. Then, I rest X times. Shouldn't my characters age dramatically and eventually become older than Indra or something? It was just an excuse to throw a voluptuous maiden in the game for Edge to work his charms on. Um, well, I dislike Rydia, so there." FFV : Nobody "Hey, the ages of all the characters in FFV make sense! Unbelievable. Unfortunately, they are the weakest and least-developed characters of all the games. I would say Cara is a bit young, or Butz and and Lenna and Faris should be a bit older, but that's just griping. And Galuf ... heh heh! Yeah! *do the Galuf pose* Now gods, stand up for (old) bastards!" FFVI : Celes Chere "Celes is one of my favourite characters in FFVI, and she also has some of the best lines ('I'm not some love-starved twit!' 'I'm a general, not an opera floozy!') in a game of quotable Square-original quotes. The problem? She is so mature and so effective that she simply cannot be a teenager! Maybe Square made her a teenager so they could stick her in a swimsuit (Is there something wrong with 20-something people wearing swimsuits? Although I certainly don't encourage such dress styles at all!) and big white cape. Terra is na?ve enough to be one, however (and to wear a two-piece swimsuit ...). In my opinion Locke should be younger (his age is fine) than Celes, since he is so full of youthful endeavour while Celes has the wisdom and maturity of age. Not that anyone disses her, anyway." FFVII : Sephiroth, Cloud and Zack. Basically, anyone in SOLDIER. "Er, twenty-one years of age and ex-SOLDIER First Class? It must be pretty easy to advance in SOLDIER, or maybe being injected with Jenova cells does wonders for one's youth (explaining Sephiroth, Cloud and Zack's well-toned physique and Hojo's insuppressible desire to inject himself with Jenova cells ...). Then again, it's difficult to picture Cloud out of late teens or early twenties since he, and Aeris and Tifa whom he's between, don't seem wise enough to be much older. The other characters are great, though, since Barret, Red XIII and Cid add the wisdom, experience and @*#$%! of age to the party while Yuffie adds her sprightly and unexplainably erratic youth to the party. Vincent? Cait Sith? Nobody knows." FFVIII : Nobody, but ... "Basically, all of the characters in FFVIII have very compatible ages, and they act their age as well! It kind of reminds me of some high-school drama or cartoon, like maybe Archie Andrews and friends, and all the different facets of teenage life are played out in FFVIII. Pretend you went on an adventure with your friends in school ... wouldn't everyone be about the same age? Therefore, it's fairly realistic. Yet, I detest the plot of FFVIII. I wouldn't mind all the characters being of similar ages, however, if only the reason for all of them being the same age wasn't so pathetic ... storyline gripes." FFIX : Zidane Tribal "Oy! Then again, although he certainly behaves like it, it's impossible to make Zidane any younger because otherwise the game would have to be rated PG for pedophilia or something like that. Zidane is so immature, and he hits on girls like ... the average lower-secondary schoolboy who suddenly finds he can't live without them. At least Irvine, Edgar and Edge, the womanisers of previous games, pick up the ladies in style (or try to ... since none succeed) while Zidane is waving and catcalling at any other newly-adolescent girl. Zidane's just full of puppy love, which is why he ought to be younger than Garnet at least (he's less than a year older). In fact, he behaves like the male version of Eiko, so maybe he ought to be six or something (er ... too young to save the world!). The other ages are fine, though I must confess I didn't believe Freya was in her thirties. And, keeping in the theme of Shakespearean comedies (with numerous Shakespeare referenes in FFIX) I think that Vivi and Eiko should pair up. But now that would really be pushing the PG rating ..." posted by Charlotte | 3:58 pm (0) comments Sunday, February 01, 2004 - The Wayward, Part III.ii - 14. Um ... maybe that's not a good idea ... The urge in me to stop, run away, or do anything to hurry up this coat-clad suitor, such as giving it a swift boot to the rear, was growing increasingly unbearable as we reached the top of yet another hill in the undulating landscape. Yet, fleeting memories of the dreamlike sensation the creature had put me through when I first touched it back at the cliff reminded me of its powers, too unknown to be considered incredible, and stifled that urge for the moment. It seemed strange that a being so voiceless and faceless should possess such a mysterious ability, and this strangeness was what began to stoke my curiosity. Unable to flee due to the existence of a potential threat, I naturally shunted this antagonistic energy to another, hopefully less dangerous channel, that of discovering more about this creature I found myself following so helplessly. As we passed a small milestone (or kilometre-stone, or whatever, I couldn't tell the units), I was breathing heavily at the physical exertion of climbing the path (while my companion travelled, or oozed, along rather unperturbedly) when a slight misstep caused me to yank my left bootlace loose. I guess that's the disadvantage of tying them in large and showy knots, that they could come lose at any inopportune occasion. I bent down to do them up, and as I brought my head close to my chest I felt it rise and fall, and in a windless moment I heard myself panting exhaustedly even from the simple task of knotting some laces. As I knelt there, I glanced at the creature, still moving forward, for a moment, it struck me. All land-based macroorganisms have lungs and breathe, don't they? And yet, I had not heard a breath or even a muffled gasp from the creature swaddled within the coat. Given that it had a vaguely humanoid shape, it also came across as surprising that I had never observed any movement from what was presumably its arms. As if the trail of slime in which I left my footsteps didn't give away enough already that I wasn't dealing with any real creature. It occured to me then. I might not think it wise enough to simply leave the creature to continue its path, but, I pondered, did it even have a sensible idea where it was going? It took a little bit of daring on my part, but perhaps ... Taking advantage of the fact the creature did not seem to gain any speed advantage from the descending terrain, I dashed around and in front of it so that once again, I was facing the same hood ... and it was still empty. Was it the light, or was it just me? But that was not really the goal of my escapade right then. Resolutely, I stood in its path with arms akimbo as it approached. No reaction? I don't know. But like an ant heading home to its nest, it simply slid to my side, and then past me, without paying much attention to the obstacle that I was. Did it recognise that I was the person or thing it was trying to, or had already lured to follow it? Presumably, as I glanced at its back once again, it had a sense of direction and knew where it was going. But did it matter whether anyone, or I, in particular, was following? The path downhill was the one already taken by that imbecilic monstrosity. I should have escaped back when I had the chance. And then, I saw it. From the advantage of the hill's height, I saw something dark some distance away, quite a contrast from the rolling hills and tufty grass that lay to the left of the road or the craggy cliffside which had already begin to veer away from the road it was parallel with. Civilisation? Salvation? I didn't know, but it seemed that my companion was headed towards it. Perhaps that "2" I saw back there on the roadside headstone did have some sense to it after all. So this was the correct path to take after all. And if, at the end of the road, I found the answers about my mysterious assailant that I had been searching for, so much the better. We shall travel together, then, like ants heading home to our nest. - Your adventure ends ... somewhere over there - posted by Charlotte | 3:14 pm (0) comments Disclaimer : The Slayers and Filia Ul Copt and all images thereof are the property of Hajime Kanzaka and Rui Araizumi. I don't own any of them, although if I had a choice I would want Filia ... ~//n_n\\7 |
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