Where chaos stops and more chaos ensues. Where Filia plays the electric keyboard.
Where anything goes.
-//o_O\\7 *Home of the Awful, Mediocre and Pathetic* -//u_u\\7
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Where chaos stops and more chaos ensues. Where Filia plays the electric keyboard. Where anything goes. -//o_O\\7 *Home of the Awful, Mediocre and Pathetic* -//u_u\\7 |
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Sunday, April 04, 2004 - War of Words, Part X.ii - 32. And do I care? No. Get stuffed. "Real-ly?" I hissed insultingly as I raised my eyebrows, less than impressed at his overly grand and self-flattering way of introducing himself. At least Pwyns Xjrmynq could be forgiven for behaving like an utter idiot, imbecility being something that was usually inherent in inbred royal families, "So what's it to us, huh?" At this deliberately less-than-pleasant remark, the somewhat disturbed (mentally disturbed, perhaps) man gave me an unfriendly glance as he tipped the corner of the large straw hat over his head a little. His hesitation, or his consideration, perhaps, gave me a little time to carefully survey this new adversary. Dressed in a plain cotton shirt and dusky, dull trousers, his appearance was that of a middle-aged man, with neatly-cropped brown hair, of fairly average height and of medium build, a little meatier than the lanky, almost undernourished Pwyns Xjrmynq (my only convenient point of reference). He didn't seem particularly presentable for a 'representative of the Palace', largely because, although he was washed and clean-shaven, his clothes had the odd patch of sawdust-brown dirt about it, and he reeked of a musty, almost animal-like smell. Least attractive, of course, were the undue amount of accessories he wore about his clothes, such as an assortment of pouches big and small about his belt, and of course his ridiculous-looking rimmed and domed straw hat, which covered his forehead but sank all the way at the back to cap his skull like a fibrous lamprey. I looked him over once again, only to find, not unsurprisingly, that as I raised my eyes to observe his face that same curious staring glance, a mixture of mystery and mockery, was leering back at me from the eyes of the newcomer himself. "Out of my way, wench!" he snarled as he brushed his hands one over the other, "I won't discuss business with just anyone, and especially not snivelling little girls like yourself! This matter is far above the level of understanding of anyone as meagre and petty as a mere girl." What? Audacious! I can understand how adults are often unwilling to put their affairs in the trust of children, especially where modesty, secrecy or efficiency are concerned, but to couch it in such demeaning terms! Oh sure, I know I wasn't particularly pleasant in the first place, but ... he started it! "Well pardon me, officious and overbearing sir," I retorted, now more inclined to be insulting than actually informative, fuelled by a bravery both borne of a naturally indignant spirit and a conviction that I wasn't doing anything wrong in the first place, "You might like to know that the person you seek is not conversant in the local language and he has instructed me to settle his affairs on his account. So, if you have any business with him, you'll have to go through it with me." "Ha! The irony!" he laughed arrogantly as he threw back his head, that straw hat of his held to his skull by some adhesive property, "That a profane, lisping wretch like yourself should be in the service of a man! Applaudable, yes, but it certainly amazes me how someone of such a weak frame can shoulder any more responsibilities than cooking and cleaning for your man." My man? Perhaps I sounded a bit possessive in helping him but I assure you that was entirely in the defence of my own interests. Plus, if that conceited moron could just lay off insulting me (and, incidentally, I lay off insulting him) and actually hear me out he would realise that the desired target of Pwyns Xjrmynq's romantic affections happened to be someone else, and not me. All that was needed was to break this deadlock. "Whatever you say, mister," I muttered disjointedly but clearly, to make known my disaffection for the present direction of the conversation, "Now, if you would get down to the reasons of your being here and what you intend to do, we could avoid all this idle chatter and save us all much time. My time, and your time." "Ooh, a lady of no nonsense ... I like that in a girl. It marks them out as strong-willed and spirited individuals, standing up for themselves the way only a real man could," he remarked disdainfully as he coolly blew across his knuckles, "You remind me of that nice lady who directed me here ... in your fiery, rebellious attitude, I mean. Of course, you don't look half as attractive as she does, heh heh ..." While he confirmed his harbouring of less than honest interests with a grotesque smack of his lips, compelled by a natural curiosity I peered over the top of his shoulder to see the aforementioned lady standing a little ways down the corridor, hands on her hips, utterly outraged. She seemed rather tall, or perhaps that was due to her sculpted hairstyle or possibly her choice of footwear, but it was impossible to discern if she had the brawn normally associated with large-sized people as everything below her collar, excepting the tips of her fingers, was hidden by a large, plain dress, one which looked almost tentlike if it was not for a belt which was necessary at the waist. What that dress could not hide, however, was her buxom figure, accentuated by the plainness of her dress, one which was bound to incite distasteful fantasies in the heads of hormonally-charged ne'er-do-wells like the imbecile standing before me. She was naturally offended by this Io Aoi's vulgar remarks, but as she caught me gazing at her curiously her expression lit up as she thrust a fist into the air, cheering me on in the battle against male chauvinism. "Um, is there something over there?" Io Aoi inquired as he glanced to his side, only to see the lady he had just spoken of darting away down the corridor, lifting the hem of her overlarge skirt as she ran. "A pity. I would've liked to see more of her ..." Well, if she and I had cooperated, I'm sure the two of us would be more than enough to beat him down and batter him in places where he most needed it, but I sometimes get ahead of myself, assaulting him not being the primary issue at hand. "So are you going to say anything useful, or are you going to indulge in more of your idle fantasies?" I snapped, already at the end of my tolerance and patience, "If you're going to dream on, do me a favour and shut yourself outside so I don't have to listen to it." Not that he had said anything exceeding explicit, but just hearing his insider little murmurings was already making me cringe. "You're a damned impatient kid, you know! Can't you let a man enjoy a moment of quiet solace ("Yeah, right ...")? Don't you ever get such feelings about the opposite sex, or have you been struck barren or something?" What the heck? I could not help but stiffen in anger, to visibly express my annoyance at that last derisive comment. "So high-strung and prudish for such a young girl ... or is it because ... hehehe ..." As a crude grin spread across those otherwise proper-looking lips of his, I racked my brain in trying to figure out just what he was implying this time around. Whatever it was, it didn't sound pleasant, and perhaps it was best that I never knew what it was at all. "N ... none of your bees-wax!" I stammered, all hot and flustered as I batted away an imaginary insect that seemed to be plaguing my attention. It was bad enough having to speak to an utter pervert, and it was all the worse to be taken the moral high ground against and having some indecipherable, but undoubtedly unpleasant insinuations made about yourself. "Now tell me what you want right now, or I'm going to shut this door in your face!" And, it definitely didn't help that my heated explosions were attracting the attention of an otherwise very much silent Pwyns Xjrmynq, more than curious as to why I was railing at this newcomer in a fashion so disturbed that even he would be proud of it. "Hey, cool it, girlie ... see, even your royal friend over there is giving you funny looks," Io Aoi exclaimed, doing his very best to placate the seething young maiden standing before him, while largely oblivious to the fact that it was his thoroughly chauvinistic and self-obsessed attitude which had me so worked up in the first place, "Let me tell you now ... I'm Io Aoi, intrepid explorer, and not a minister or anything, as if it is that great a job in the first place. I don't have the authority to pass judgement on you or your foreign trespasser friend over there, I'm just the messenger, and I've been ordered to ferry the two of you from Ouaiie to the Palace to meet higher authority. Got that, kid?" "Of course, middle-aged mister," I replied in turn, a little mellowed now that he had fully explained his identity and his purpose, but nonetheless exceedingly purturbed by the condescending attitude with which he regarded me. Noticing the intent eyes of a roused Pwyns Xjrmynq now seeking to take an active part in the conversation, I quickly sought to clarify his assertion, repeating it for the benefit of our foreign friend. "So, you're Io Aoi, the intrepid explorer, and your job is to send us to the Palace so that we can get in touch with higher authority, is that right?" "Yes, dear lady, that is absolutely correct," he remarked matter-of-factly, before he cast his eyes down at me a little more intensely and his face set into a belligerent sneer, "Allow me to inform you, however, that the method of transportation there will be my carriage, drawn by my own very dear horse Iiua, and that in my carriage, I set the rules. I don't want any of your overblown feminist gabble in my vehicle, you've got that?" As if to emphasise the threat, his lower lip slackened to expose a perfect row of teeth ... perfectly unbrushed, that is. "And what shall you do if I don't obey?" I smirked unhumorously, unfazed by his inimical attitude, "Throw me out, or something? Isn't your job to ferry us both to this Palace of yours as prisoners?" "That's the point, isn't it? As prisoners?" chuckled the perverse abomination standing before me as he folded his arms, bemused, "So what that means is that I have the authority to do whatever I want, to ensure that you comply, as long as you're kept alive. There are many things that can be done which might ... how shall we put it ... leave you in a state where you're unable to reply?" Raising his eyebrows, shaded slightly by the rim of his straw hat, it was impossible to discern whether that last comment was made as a joke or as fair warning for what was to come. But I wasn't one to succumb to such vile threats, especially when it concerned ... well, I don't know, actually. I raised my chest, drawing in a deep breath of air, ready to burst forth in a torrent of anger, when that very target of my antagonism did not much more than raise a finger and tap me lightly on the shoulder, stunning me to the extent that I gagged and was on the verge of regurgitating with all that air trapped in me. "Actually, kid, I don't think it's right for us to be arguing when we don't even know each other's names, or rather, I don't even know your name, at least," he explained, no more aggressive than being merely patronising, as I glared at him while in the process of dusting off my newly defiled shoulder, "All I was told by those guards was to take note of a violent, abusive, impolite little girl with a severe attitude problem. So, who're you?" Wow. I must have been pretty darn threatening to have been considered potentially dangerous by a pair of guards armoured from head to toe. "You're right, I don't believe we have introduced ourselves," I muttered resentfully as I recovered my composure, "I'm Charlotte, Charlotte Tan, and sitting over there is the heir to the throne of Consonance himself, mister Pwyns ..." As I cast my hand back to indicate the reclining royal, I was again shocked when the side of my flying palm met warm, sweaty flesh, the victim of such reckless palm-swinging being the unlucky person in question. "You mind?" exclaimed a startled Pwyns Xjrmynq in an uncharacteristically uncouth manner as he caressed the side of his face which had been swotted like the imaginary bug just minutes before, "I apologise for my abruptness ... but Charlotte, faithful Xkwyr, do allow me to handle this individual. I sense that you are feeling much hostility in the interaction thus far, and I cannot allow that to jeopardise my mission which has already proceeded thus far." "I beg your pardon, sir?" I replied unhappily as I whirled about to face my companion who had intruded, uninvited, into the discussion, "I assure you, whatever that we have discussed bears no relevance to your quest whatsoever! It's just that this guy here, he ... well ... didn't you just say a few moments ago that I was doing well in assisting you, that you had put all your affairs into my trust?" "You entrusted all of your affairs to a psychopathic maniac like her? No wonder you're in a heap of trouble!" quipped Io Aoi, similarly uninvited in this settlement of affairs between colleagues, "Look, mister, if I were you, I'd cut myself off from this seriously dangerous and ill-minded kid before it was too late. Like right now, for example ..." To emphasise his point, he cut downward with his palm like the blade of a knife ... a fairly thick one all stiffened into wrinkles. Only to have it grasped eagerly by an ardent Pwyns Xjrmynq all too anxious to reconcile with his hosts. "I thank you for your greeting, good sir, and I do humbly apologise for any trespasses that my undiscerning follower may have incurred ..." Undiscerning? What the heck? Perhaps my 'master' was even more so, not realising that greeting him was hardly the intention of the exceedingly unpleasant newcomer, and in failing to realise that not a single word he was saying was being understood by its intended recepient. "Allow me to introduce myself as Pwyns Xjrmynq, scion of the ruling family and heir to the throne of Consonance, and it is my pleasure to meet an honoured representative of the government of Va World such as yourself ..." "Um ... well ... I see ... uh, same to you, good sir," murmured Io Aoi as he observed his outstretched hand being shaken with the most eager of energies, with absolutely no reciprocation from his own. Presumably, feeling at a loss, he closed his thumb over that half-finished handshake, completing the weakest of knots of friendship and understanding. "I'm sure you already know that I'm Io Aoi, an intrepid explorer of Va World, your assistant here having already introduced me to you ..." With that, he indicated me with his other hand, carefully making sure that it was kept out of reach so that it was not misinterpreted for another offer of friendship, but, similarly, utterly unaware that both of them were not in the comprehension of each others' utterances, and therefore every action and expression of theirs was prone to misinterpretation by the other party. Speaking of misinterpretation ... "Yes, thank you very much for accepting my apology, on behalf of my noble Xkwyr Charlotte," Pwyns Xjrmynq intoned, bowing his head as he released the hand of his partner in mutual misinterpretation, "Do not worry, I am aware that sometimes her zealousness and loyalty can lead to unnecessary and preventable conflicts with other people such as your honoured self, but this shortcoming serves only to illustrate the degree of her devotion to my cause ..." "Uh ... right ... I think I understand what you mean ... sort of ..." Io Aoi stammered as he scratched the back of his head, obviously not in the least as knowledgeable as he claimed to be, "Actually, I really wonder what it's like, having to work with a screaming and squeamish little girl like this, day in, day out ... surely your nerves must take quite a battering. And all this feminist drivel at that! Don't you think that it's ... like, you know, gone to her head a bit? Because, you see ..." Blah blah blah and blah. And here were two utter idiots blathering on to each other, imagining they are engaging each other in constructive conversation while they themselves are merely ekeing out replies to what they most imagine to be the other's reaction, which happens, in truth, to be absolutely nothing like it! Sure, I can forgive the initial misunderstandings, as perhaps Pwyns Xjrmynq might expect the 'high-ranking official' from the Palace to be fluent in the language of Consonance, while this explorer Io Aoi might anticipate that a royal from the other nation would be able to communicate with him on the terms of Va World. But no, no, no! Why won't they realise, or even merely acknowledge that they haven't a clue what each other is saying? Does this have something to do with the male ego or anything like that? This is stupid, ridiculous, utter nonsense! I must have intelligent conversation, I must! "Don't the two of you realise that you can't understand what the other person is saying at all? You're not actually communicating, you're just responding to what you think the other person is saying? Why don't you just give up on this and get moving to the Palace?" I screeched, the blood rushing to my head as my anger reached its boiling point causing the bottle that I was to explode in a less than amicable outburst, "Do the two of you understand where I'm coming from here?" I didn't have enough time, or patience, right now, to explain all that details about how I came to be speaking both languages at the same time, but surely, surely at least, the two could admit the futility of their blabbering? The pair glared at each other, clean-shaven chin to clean-shaven chin, small, slit-like eyes to round ogling ones, wavelike flowing locks to trimmed and short ones hidden under a stupid hat ... and muttured one word. The same word. "No." "Oh, goodness! The two of you weren't even talking about similar things and now you both come about and say exactly the same word ..." I murmured, mortified at this absurd turn of events, "That is so ... so frightening ..." "Really?" remarked both as they turned from me to peer even deeper into each other, finding nothing but the tips of each other's noses. I mean, yeah, sure, they couldn't understand each other and thus, didn't realise that they were saying the same thing but me ... poor little me, who was listening to both of them, heard the same thing twice, and having just sat through an unpleasant experience with a pair of near-twins who spoke in pairs, doing everything except repeating each other word for word ... "Stop it! Stop it!" I wailed horribly as I clapped my hands over my ears and squashed my head down into my dress in an attempt to shut off all of that moronic travesty of a conversation. But even then, I could not avail myself of the torture as the words seemed to seep in through the cracks between my fingers, into my poor quivering ears, words, spoken by two different people, who seemed, eerily enough, to be saying the same thing ... "Weird girl." I don't know whether the actual fact was that they both said those same words, or that they had each murmured something totally different, but I, in my paranoia, had perceived them to be exactly the same. It didn't matter, anyway, because I was now so utterly terrified that it was imperative I escape this madness that very instant. With my hands over my ears, and my head and elbows locked together over my chest in a morbid fetal position, I ducked beneath the arm of Io Aoi, standing in the doorway, and leapt out, out into the corridor, screaming as I ran. Unless those screams, too, were only resounding through my skull. - Yooru adobenshuru endosu hieru ... shikashi, eijin nihongo wakaranai da ne ... = ( - posted by Charlotte | 4:42 pm
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Disclaimer : The Slayers and Filia Ul Copt and all images thereof are the property of Hajime Kanzaka and Rui Araizumi. I don't own any of them, although if I had a choice I would want Filia ... ~//n_n\\7 |
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