- War of Words, Part XIII.ii -

32. We tread lightly … but strike swiftly!

A slender strand of metal, that’s all it was. Just over two feet in length, the weapon consisted of a shaft of metal about the width of a child’s finger tapering off into a filament. It did resemble the foil used in fencing, somewhat, but it seemed much less sturdy, thin as it was. The odd discolourations and occasional scratch upon its length also did the appearance of the weapon no favours. But the pathetic state of the thrusting sword belied a hidden deadliness.
As I brought the weapon closer to my eye, inspecting it carefully, I observed how its tip had been meticulously filed to form four tiny razor-sharp flanges, positioned in the shape of a cross, each ending in a angled tip of its own. Somehow, despite the poor conditions under which it had been stored, the foil had retained the sharpness of its killing edge, or, rather, its killing tip, the feat a testament to the crafter of this sleek dueling weapon.
The slightest flick of the vicious creation at its tip against a target would be sure to split cloth, scratch metal or draw blood. A well-aimed thrust would, of course, achieve a far more fearsome effect, the sharpened tip easily piercing through joints in wood or the weak links in a suit of mail, to satiate itself on the innards of its victim. This much power, within such a feather-light weapon which felt so at home in my grasp, served to contribute to that image of grace and poise portrayed by a noble court fencer of the European gentility, one which I confess I felt myself harkening towards.
“Go ahead, dream on, kid,” smirked a voice from before me which wound its way around my romantic dreams, crushing them with its cynicism. Trust Io Aoi. “Savour your little fantasy while it lasts. It’s not as if you actually know how to use that thing so as to survive any more than a couple of minutes during a real battle, anyway.”
“I do too,” I huffed, but more out of an instinctive reaction not to allow myself to be the target of a further jibe from the chauvinistic explorer, than out of actual confidence in my own abilities. I mean, the truth was that I had never fought before, running away while holding, and later dropping a heavy wooden pseudo-sword a feat not really considered ‘fighting’. It was left to my memories of what I had seen, watching sporting fencers practicing their bouts, and my own imagination of those ballroom fencers of old, to inspire my own style as a fencer on the battlefield.
“Really? Let’s hope you can use that thing a little better than that plundering little robber girl I won it from. Not as if any girl could possibly be a match for me, of course, with my cutlass by my side, not to mention my killing smile and rapier wit …” He grinned disgustingly, his stained teeth gleaming a sickly yellow in the morning sunlight which streamed into the carriage at an angle. I could not help but allow a stifled laugh to escape me, the absolute hideousness of his appearance and behaviour in stark contrast to what he imagined it to be.

“Are you laughing at me, girlie?”
As his smile stiffened into a snarl, I thought I spotted a malicious glint in his eye. The muscles on his sword arm tightened, and with a swift flowing motion, driven by anger and resentment, he …
“W … wha …!” I shrieked as a cutlass, newly released from its owner’s grip, flew and struck the side of the wooden carriage edge-first, whereupon it clattered to the ground, the flat of the blade thudding right over the exposed part of my left leg, between my boot and the hem of my skirt. I had been dreadfully startled, yes, and had come unsettlingly close to meeting a nasty end, but was otherwise unhurt. The same could not be said for Io Aoi …
“Argh! You trouble-making wench!” exclaimed Io Aoi as he groped about amidst some of his belongings for his misplaced straw hat, and, finding it, quickly clapped it over his head to hide his cropped hair. “You just have to take a little joke all that seriously, don’t you? If you’d struck me over the head with the tip and not the midsection of that thing … well, it wouldn’t matter what you’ve done, helping that idiot prince from Consonance, you’d be in on your own damn right for murder! Did you know that?”
“Well, at least I’m not the one who thinks that waving swords at people in an enclosed space makes a good joke!” I retorted defiantly. In my fright at seeing Io Aoi lunge at me again, I had leapt backwards, momentarily forgetting that the thrusting sword was still in my hands and allowing its shaft to strike him just below the rim of his hat. It wasn’t as if I had overreacted and tried to stick Io Aoi as he made that feint at me … well, I believed that it was a feint, since it was unlikely that he would deliberately cut me up after showing how he trusted me enough to loan me with one of his weapons. “In fact, I …”
However, as my eyes followed the shaft of the weapon, still in my outstretched hand, all the way up to its tip, I noticed again the four sharpened flanges at its end, how they glinted menacingly in the morning light, and shuddered. I was careless. If I had raised or retracted my arm by just a few inches more, I could have caught the adventurer by his left eye or ear, resulting in dire and completely undesired consequences. Sure, he was crude, unpleasant, and, with weapon in hand, unnecessarily belligerent, but was it right for such behaviour to cost him his sight or hearing, even by accident?
I suddenly felt deeply apologetic, regretful for even that millisecond’s worth of carelessness, now realising I held death in my hands. It seemed so ironic … finally lifting such a weapon and reliving a romantic fantasy, I now could not wait to cast it aside. In my heart, I could not bear seeing even as loathsome a man as Io Aoi so much as scratched by my hand. How could I even dream of plunging that sword into the waiting chest of an enemy, working its way through his flesh and out his back, together slaking our thirst on the splattering blood of our enemy? Perhaps it was precisely this fear of bloodshed that drove me to choose a weapon of quick and merciless dispatch, rather than one of gruesome hacking and slashing. My arm sank limply to my side, the thrusting sword it held thudding impotently against the wooden floorboards. The fantasy was only the beginning of a nightmare.
“What happened? Got your tongue tied, kid? Or just retreating out of guiltiness?” scowled Io Aoi, having adjusted his hat to his satisfaction, as he retrieved his discarded weapon from where it lay, across my leg. Even despite my overreaction … why did an ‘intrepid explorer’ like Io Aoi suddenly let go of his weapon just as he was about to make his feint, knowing he could have actually hurt me by doing so? It seemed very unusual how he was so startled by such a normal reflex action by someone with a weapon in hand. Was he now attempting to quell his fright through venting his anger? “Well, if you’re so eager to put your weapon to some use, we can get us some starter training done outside. But any funny tricks like flipping my hat off my head, and I’ll have you flipping on the dirt outside gasping for air like a beached fish!”
“Now, that’s one thing I can’t understand about you … seeing as to how the typical male chauvinist is fairly easy to understand (“What was that?”) … what is it about that hat of yours, anyway?” I mean, yes, I was sorry for being reckless with my weapon and I’d gladly accept a reprimand over it. But to threaten me over something as daft (not to mention daft-looking) as a straw hat? That was stretching things unacceptably far. “In fact, if you’re that concerned about your appearance, you should consider taking it off for good!”
“How dare you!” The cutlass, which Io Aoi had safely retrieved by its handle, suddenly whirled about in his grip to assume a threatening position, his fingers clasped tightly around the hilt. “Talking back to Io Aoi, intrepid explorer, is one thing! Insulting his hat is another! Now I’m really going to get serious!”
“B … but I was serious!” I stammered, realising all too late how futile it was, giving fashion advice to a man, let alone a male supremacist. In response to his aggressive stance, I released my grip on my weapon, letting it fall to the floor, and raised my hands to show that I was unarmed and not going to play at sabre-rattling, “And there really isn’t a need for all these shows of violence! Can’t we all just forgive and forget?”
“Forgive? For those who … who insult, of all things, my hat, there can be no forgiveness!” Clearly, the adventurer was utterly implacable. Doing my best not to panic, I edged backwards, towards the door of the carriage and away from my weapon, as the adventurer advanced on me with cutlass raised. “I’ll show you some violence, some that you won’t forget anytime soon!”

“Io Aoi! What in the world are you doing?” came a feminine voice from somewhere behind me. Both heads turned to face the source of the cry, an event most unlikely to happen in the midst of a heated battle and proving, in the course of it, that Io Aoi was not seriously considering acting on his threat. Not yet, anyway.
“Um … nothing, just a little … training … heh …” mumbled the adventurer as he rubbed the back of his head dumbly with his free hand, the other, holding the cutlass, frozen in mid-swoop. Seizing the opportunity to get away, I crept away from the descending blade, towards the welcoming sight of the secretary lady from the government office approaching with something slung over her shoulder … or was it someone? Oh no! In the midst of trading blows and barbed words with Io Aoi, I had forgotten all about the cause of this new adventure …
“Pwyns Xjrmynq!” I exclaimed upon seeing the pitiful sight of the prince of Consonance. The last I saw and heard of him, he was looking for a convenient place to wash his hands. Now, here he was, with an arm supported by the lady’s shoulders as the rest of him seemed to drag behind her like a lifeless rag doll, the stark contrast between her tall and robust build and his frail frame only serving to exacerbate the pathetic nature of his appearance. The outline of a series of muddy splotches discoloured his previously spotless robe at choice locations, indicating that whatever had happened, someone must have had it in for him pretty badly.
“Oh, Miss Charlotte? It was terrible, just, simply awful!” cried the lady dolefully as she made her way to the entrance of the carriage, near enough for the adventurer and I to observe Pwyns Xjrmynq’s miserable state up close. “I thought the three of you were already on your way and went back to work at my office, when who should wander in but this poor thing here, all roughed up and mumbling something that sounded like ‘Charlotte’, and the name of our dear Princess. I knew I had to get him back to you, right away! How could he possibly have ended up like this?” Well, given the nature of ths hostilities between this present land of Va World and Pwyns Xjrmynq’s homeland of Consonance, it wouldn’t be too hard to imagine common townsfolk mistreating him in the way he and I were handled by the town guards earlier, the difference being that previously, I had been available to get him out of trouble.
“I thought he was just going to wash his hands! How difficult could that possibly be?” snorted Io Aoi unsympathetically as he dropped his cutlass into his barrel of weapons in disgust, “Or did he mess himself up on purpose so he could get a pretty thing like you to wash them for him? Maybe I should try that sometime …”
“Io Aoi, if you want a favour from me that badly, maybe you should consider that I’ve already done you one by finding you a paying job? You could at least have taken better care of your charge here!” snapped the secretary lady angrily, before her expression softened as she turned her gaze to the helpess prince, whose arm she had gently released from her supporting clasp, only for him to stumble, struggling to find his directions and footing. “Miss Charlotte, please, help the prince … only you’ll be able to understand what he wants to tell us.”
“And hey, how come she’s ‘miss’ Charlotte, and I’m just ‘Io Aoi’? She’s just a kid, you know, but I’m a famous adventurer and intrepid explorer who’s well-known all over Va World!” Yeah, known for his big mouth and appalling chauvinistic behaviour. I could not help but shoot him a glare of irritation, even as Pwyns Xjrmynq gratefully grasped the helping hand I had reached out to aid him. “Shouldn’t you be showing a little more respect here?”
“Yes! Respect! It’s respect for my position, and for the prince and Miss Charlotte here, that I’m not replying to you in more pointed terms!” She and Io Aoi seemed to have a kind of chemistry … sometimes they were acidic, sometimes caustic, but their reactions were always volatile. “For that matter, I think I shall cease speaking with you altogether! Charlotte, please tell me, is the prince all right?”

“Sir … Pwyns Xjrmynq! How are you? Are you all right now?” I asked the bedraggled prince as, steadying himself with the aid of my outstretched arm, he gazed back at me through his long fringe. He needed to remain in full control of his faculties, that being imperative to the success of our mission of peace. Not to mention my mission of getting some valuable rewards out of my having embarked on a hare-brained quest in a foreign land. Oh, and to find my way home, too.
“My most precious and loyal Xkwyr Charlotte … alas, for in my haste and carelessness I have allowed a terrible and most unfortunate setback to befall me. Oh, would that you were there to protect me as you always devoutly have!” bemoaned Pwyns Xjrmynq in his characteristically verbose fashion, relieved at last to find a listening ear. But I’d like to disagree on his last point … being a girl, I know I very much wouldn’t like to stand between an angry girl … especially so for the muscular, no-nonsense stablemaid kind … and the target of her wrath, for opening the loo door on her twice in a row. Not that I could have saved him from such an accident either, the written language of this land incomprehensible to me. “But now that your strength has been reunited with mine, I draw confidence enough from your unwavering support to allow such blows to glance off me, like water off the back of the graceful swan. Surge onward we must, dear Xkwyr! No man or machination thereof must stand before the determined progress of peace! To the Palace!”
“Well, it’s heartening to see that you’re all better now, sir,” I murmured, rather unheeding of his grandiose proclamations, having found the absence of them a welcome relief in the time that he had been away. Oh well, but given his status as a unwelcome alien in Va World, it did make more sense how all that was needed to reinvigorate him was the presence of someone willing and able to understand him. I retracted my arm, indicating for him to climb aboard Io Aoi’s carriage, as I signalled to the secretary lady behind him with the other. “Nothing’s broken … he’s okay! We’re ready to go!”
“That’s fantastic! Miss Charlotte (“Um … just Charlotte, please, ma’am …”), I knew you could be trusted!” I beamed with pride at her praise, small but acceptable reward for holding this whole enterprise together that it was. “I’d like to apologise, as a representative of this town, for the harsh treatment you and sir Pwyns received, and I do hope the both of you succeed on your mission of peace. And, I beg of you, find our dear Princess, too!”
“Thank you, ma’am! And …” But what was it? Those last words she said to us sounded rather out of place, but I couldn’t describe them. Of course, this being our final goodbye, I could just let this pass, but I couldn’t allow the niggling suspicions in my mind to prey on me for the rest of my journey. Besides, I had already begun my sentence, and I couldn’t avoid the issue and be responsible for turning a fond goodbye into an anticlimax. But what were the words to say? I …
“And? And what, dear Charlotte?” queried the secretary lady as she drew closer, scrutinising my puzzled expression through her monocled eye. “Is there something wrong?” And then it struck me.

“T … those words of goodbye you said … I can’t help but observe how … how regal that sounded, to speak on behalf of the entire township,” I stuttered, still struggling to find the correct words to describe my feeling, “I mean, it sounds weird, like you’re speaking as the mayor or something …”
“Haha … Mayor? Her? Maybe in another twenty years or so?!” laughed Io Aoi dismissively from behind me, being busy checking his horse and tinkering with his other belongings since he was shut out of the conversation, “By them I’ll be old and rich and would never have to tip my cap to someone like her. She’s just the girl who helps the mayor buy his meals, and looks after the front desk, that’s all!” Well, true, we might be exceeding authority a little bit here but it wasn’t an excuse for him to lambast her in such deprecating terms! After she had helped Pwyns Xjrmynq, and come all the way to the stable to wish us goodbye, too! But speaking of which, where exactly was …
“But Charlotte, I am the mayor!” stated the tall lady. Wha …? But I thought …
“What?!” exclaimed Io Aoi, his attention now focussed on the lady before us whom … whom I have never thought of before as the mayor. It pained me now to admit my hastiness in imagining how the mayor would be some stately old man, instead of the young and feminine lady now standing before me. Humph. Despite my purport in seeking to champion the cause of gender equality, I so carelessly fallen into such a trap, serving only to propagate the mindset of male supremacism. “Don’t tell me that old creep passed on and willed his responsibilities to his favourite pet? Is that why you decided to join the political administration? So you could charm your way into power over otherwise indomitable people like yours truly?” Yes, male supremacism, whose greatest and most filthsome paladin never failed to torment any and all persons of the opposite gender within close proximity.
“Since you decided to speak up again, you disgusting creep, I think I’ll reply you if it gets you to shut up, again!” snapped the lady indignantly in a most un-mayor-like manner, “I joined politics because I wanted to serve my country. And the previous mayor did not ‘pass on’, just that it was only a short while ago that he received a letter from the Palace, telling him to take charge of another township. And you know what he told me before he left? He said, ‘You’ve lived in Ouaiie all your life, and I think you’ll make a better mayor than I ever could be’. I did not ‘charm my way into power’, as you so put it. And you’re not important enough to be even worth considering whenever I’m making a decision on my life!”
“Well, it was a good choice, that one. Better a cute little thing like you rot away behind a desk than in the middle of a battlefield! But when it does come to that life decision, don’t forget I’m always available for you!” chuckled the adventurer coarsely as the lady seethed with rage, her arms tightly folded over her chest as if restraining herself from marching over and giving him the pumelling of his life. “Wouldn’t you like to throw down all these shackles of responsibility and join me in a life of carefree adventure sometime?”
“Join you? Never! But …” At this, her previously steely demeanour seemed to waver as her shoulders sank, letting her hands fall to her sides, “But sometimes it does get too much for me. All this paperwork, all this administering and officiating … I’ve got to be on the job at all times, because, thanks to those damned Palace budget cuts, there’s no one else who can do it for me! Well, there’s Uae and Eau, but they’ve got their own responsibilities as guards. So that leaves me! Me, me, and only me, Mayor, secretary, treasurer, housemaid, and everything else you could think of! In twenty years time? Maybe, when I first signed up for politics, I didn’t expect to become a mayor after just twenty years of being alive!”
As I watched her large frame heave up and down, still gasping for air after her outburst, I could not help but spare some pity for her, even someone who was the mayor. The burden of such a heavy responsibility was not what someone in the bloom of youth, barely a few years older than I was, deserved to be encumbered with. I savoured my freedom … I wouldn’t trade places with her even for all the money and power and kickbacks that such a position offered.
“Well, don’t worry, lass, if ever you need someone to hang out with and work off all those steam from your mayoral duties, you can look for me!” offered Io Aoi in mock encouragement, bringing a scowl to the lady’s face, “Of course, that’s assuming I’m not … how do we say … plying the trade, with any other fair ladies who do happen to have much more free time on their hands …”
“I … that’s enough of your crudeness, Io Aoi! If I wanted to, I could bar you from this town for life, so don’t tempt fate!” she threatened, the veins in her forehead practically bulging out of exasperation in dealing with her indisciplined nemesis. Placing a hand to her forehead in an attempt to cool her no doubt raging temperament, she caught sight of Pwyns Xjrmynq and I, sitting at the edge of the carriage, observing the altercation with wide eyes. “I … I’m sorry, Charlotte. Sometimes I let personal differences get a little ahead of me. But yes, I am the mayor, or mayoress if you prefer. Is there anything you would request of me?”
“No, I’m fine, ma’am …” I replied, somewhat sheepishly in the face of the newfound awe her wholly unexpected position as mayor seemed to inspire. Just to be sure, however, I sought to clarify with Pwyns Xjrmynq. “My lord, before we leave … is there anything you would seek from the mayor of this township?”
“The Mayor? Oh, that is most excellent, dear Xkwyr!”exclaimed Pwyns Xjrmynq, perhaps happy at finally being able to make his wishes known to the town’s highest authority, “Now that we are on our way to the Palace of Va World, with all we need on our journey already provided for, I would ask nothing more than for you to convey the depth of my appreciation for all the assistance we have received thus far, for their hospitality and generosity in making all these arrangements for our journey ahead. Not to mention, I would like to express my sincere gratitude for the kindness shown to me by his lady assistant during my time of need …” So, he too had never suspected all along that the lady we believed was merely a secretary was herself the mayor. Seeing as to how this was Pwyns Xjrmynq’s final goodbye, I decided not to interrupt his gushing display of thanks by correcting him of his illusions. After all, I too had fallen into that very same trap.
“Well, I guess sir Pwyns Xjrmynq here would just like to say thanks for all that you’ve done for him so far, providing accommodation, supplies and transport.” I explained for the benefit of those who could not understand the language of Consonance. It was curious, however, how effusive he was in laying compliments upon the very same people whom he had damned to heaven and earth when they had dragged him kicking and screaming into solitary confinement. Not to forget how those same people slung his reasonable, rational and very much cooperative Xkwyr into a jail cell. “So that’s all! We’re ready to leave as soon as we can go!”
“That’s great, Charlotte! Like I said, I wish you and Pwyns Xjrmynq good fortune on the quest before you, and I hope that I can see you in my town again sometime soon!” she called to me encouragingly as she gave a wave of goodbye, although it was one that looked more like some kind of salute. “Enjoy your journey ahead! Or what little of it that Io Aoi doesn’t open his big mouth for some reason or another!”
“Big mouth? Who’s the one with the big mouth?” snapped Io Aoi as he whirled about to face the source of that parting shot. He was tending to his horse at the front of the carriage after the lady declined, yet again, to respond to his unending taunts, and he had been caught unaware, now that he was the target of one, “If you’ve got any guts in you, lady, you’d come here and say that straight to my face!”
Not that she would oblige easily, seeing as to how she was quite a bit taller than he was. Io Aoi stroked the mane of his horse a final time before darting around the side of his carriage to confront her, but she had already scampered off, lifting the sides of her skirt as she went as was her usual style. The adventurer could only stamp his foot in rage, rueing his bad luck at being unable to deliver a riposte, as the lady rounded the corner of the mayor’s building and disappeared from view.
“Typical feminine cowardliness! No backbone to stand her ground, and see what a real man is capable of!” snorted Io Aoi as he strode to the back of his carriage and gazed in, to behold Pwyns Xjrmynq and I sitting there, patiently waiting for him to finish expending his anger and continue with what he was supposed to be doing. “Now, girlie, you and that Pwyns Xjrmynq fellow had better keep your hair, clothes, and anything else that might get in the way inside the carriage, or I’ll shut the door on them.”
“Well, don’t worry about both of us, we’re both okay,” I replied, after I had checked both Pwyns Xjrmynq and myself to see that there wasn’t anything loose that might get trapped in the closing doors. “And maybe it’s high time that you stopped calling me ‘girlie’ and learned that I have a name? It’s …”
“Whatever,” grumbled the adventurer as he roughly slammed the double doors over both of us, cutting me off in mid-sentence. The sound of a metallic click indicated that he had securely locked the doors from the outside. “Maybe it’s high time you learned that I really don’t care what happens, as long as I get paid for my job.”
Mumbling some other curses far too rude to repeat, he strode back around the side of the carriage and seated himself on the coachman’s platform at the front, seizing the reins in his hand. Perhaps it was advisable not to complain further, lest the grizzled adventurer take further offence. It was already our good fortune that Pwyns Xjrmynq and I had not only survived the twin guards’ onslaught, but managed to secure safe passage to the very target of his quest by means of Io Aoi’s carriage. It was best not to risk that hard-won safety we had earned.

“It’s time to go, Iiuua! Come on now, let’s move!”
Driven by Io Aoi, the carriage rolled forward, with Pwyns Xjrmynq and I within. As we pulled out of the stable and into the main street, I glanced at the hunched back of the adventurer, and seemed to perceive, feel, if you will, that there was a part of him, deep within him, that craved to be known, to be loved, to be understood. Now if only he could do something about those other, less pleasant parts of him.

Onward, brave quester! Let nothing stand before you!

38. Ew! The Evil Swordsman of Good!

- Nope. Still nothing funny here. -